Stand here until I fill all your heart's desires
by Desireforwords
Summary: Hermione tries to find her way back to England and the wizarding world after leaving everything behind. Fremione. Rated T to be safe. I'm using songs from Adele's album 21, and other as inspiration.
1. Someone like you

**Chapter 1 – Someone like you. **

I heard that you're settled down  
That you found a girl and you're married now.  
I heard that your dreams came true.  
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

~WWW~

Ginny and I were sitting in a café and chatting. We hadn't seen each other in a long while; mostly because I ran off 2 years ago when Fred Weasley and I broke our engagement off.

"Tell me what's happening at the Burrow, Ginny." I said.

"Well, I guess there's not much to know at the moment. Harry and I moved out right after…" she paused and turned slightly read "…you left." she finished. "Ron actually lives with mom and dad at the moment, he got kicked out of his job; they needed less people."

"So he just lies around and does nothing?"

"Basically. He's sad you know. He really loved his work. I guess a visit from you would make him a tad happier though." Ginny said with a smirk on her face.

"I'm… I would like to meet Ronald, but there's so much with the Burrow that reminds me of…" I broke of and sighed. "…him." I didn't mean Ron as 'him', but Ginny knew who I was referring to. She nodded and sighed as well.

"Do you want to know about the rest?" I nodded in response and braced myself.

"Percy is living his dream and I'm not surprised if he would be elected as Minister of Magic in the next selection."

"That's so great! I knew he would do it!"

"Yeah, me too." Ginny smiled. "George has taken over the twins' flat over their shop. He's still dating Angelina, but they are not engaged." I held my breath for what was coming. "Fred… Erhm. Fred moved out of the flat a year ago, he met… he met a witch. They met shortly after you left. She's quite sweet. Not as you in any sense of way. She's not from here actually. But they're engaged, and about to get married soon." Ginny looked at me and tried to read my face. I was blank inside and out.

"Married?" I breathed out and Ginny nodded in response.

"I'm so sorry 'Mione. I don't even know what happened with you two but suddenly you were leaving. He needed someone else."

_I needed him. _I thought but only nodded and tried to smile. I didn't even convince my cheeks.

~WWW~

I was sitting in my rent hotel room and reading a book when an owl tapped on my window. I hadn't lived in an apartment in 2 years. I was getting all too familiar with the basics of a hotel room. I opened the window and let the bird in, it hooed and I unwrapped the paper from its wrist. I thanked it, gave it some candy and it flew away before I had read the note. _Now I can't send an answer. _I thought and sighed, some owls are too eager to get home. I opened the letter and found this:

_Dearest Hermione!_

_I am so pleased to know about your arrival back in England. I hope you are well. I am cooking a delicious meal and you have to come and share it with us. We want to know everything about your trip. I made the owl fly away in a hurry just so you could not write a reply and say no. Be here at seven._

_With love, yours Mrs. Weasley!_

_Bullocks! _I thought. I had to go. I had no excuse to say no, and I had no own owl to reply. I had to go. I just had to hope for the dinner to be only a few Weasleys. I began to search my packed bag for a nice dress to wear. I had been to Italy the past few months and had eaten a lot of food and I had gained some weight. I tried on a dress but my breasts felt a bit tight in the dress. I had gained a bit more curves as well. It was like my breasts had increased in size among the body. _Is that even possible?_

~WWW~

I put on some lip gloss, tied my hair into a high ponytail and took a look at myself in the mirror. I didn't look as plain as usual. That was a good sign. Maybe the trip had made some difference in my life. I took a deep breath and apparated myself outside of the Burrow. It was quite chilly out and I looked through one window and saw the fireplace being set up by Mr. Weasley. It was a really trigging idea to enter. I took another deep breath and smoke whirled away from my mouth. I knocked on the door and I heard a silence fell over the nearest room, a loud noise and then the door opened with Mrs. Weasley's biggest smile on her face.

"Hermione! Honey! I am so pleased to see you, come in come in!"

"Oh, thank you Mrs. Weasley. Nice to be back too." I entered the room and was taken aback from what it hadn't changed. The smell was the same as well. It felt strange and a knot was tied in my stomach. I heard Mrs. Weasley's voice from a distance when she reentered the kitchen. I walked around the empty living room and stopped my pace when I came to the bookshelf. There were a lot of pictures in it. Harry and Ginny from their engagement-party, Percy with his degree, Ron with his ex-girlfriend, Charlie with one of his dragons, the Twins when they opened the shop… and there it was. Fred's and my toast when we had our engagement-party. We looked so happy, so in love. I felt my eyes fill with water and quickly took a few steps back. I landed in someone's chest.

"Oi!"

"Ronald!"

"Hermione, wow." He said when he saw my face, and then uttered "woow" when he checked me out. "You look so good! Where have you been at?"

"Italy. Pasta. Totally does the magic."

"You look great honey." He kissed my cheek and smiled at me. He took my hand and twirled me around. He had become so much more confident over the 2 years. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Ronald. Especially you; our late night talks and what else." I smiled and sighed at the memories.  
"I wouldn't mind you sleeping with me tonight." He said with a wink. But we both knew what he meant: we had shared beds for months after the war. Just talking and creating a thick bond to each other. Harry had joined us the first month, but after that he took the fullest responsibility with Tonk's and Remus' son together with Ginny. As on cue, Harry entered the living room. He's face became a sun when he saw me. He breathed a short "Hermione" before he embraced me with his fullest strength. He gave me a sloppy kiss on the forehead.

"I've missed you so much. You know you shouldn't do things like that to us."

"I'm sorry" I whispered and Ron joined our embrace.


	2. Don't you remember

A/N: THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for your kind reviews. I am sooo please to hear that you like it! Really, it made my day!

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**Chapter 2. Don't you remember. **

When was the last time you thought of me?

Or have you completely erased me from your memory?

I often think about where I went wrong

The more I do, the less I know

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness

And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head

~WWW~

"Who else is here?" I asked the boys when we had chatted for quite a long time in a couch.

"Everyone" they said and searched my face for emotions. "Mom told everyone we had to be here. So, everyone except Charlie is here. He couldn't travel from Romania with such short notice, but he'll be here soon enough I reckon."

"Did they bring any dates?" I asked. They both knew who I meant.

"Yes. Brace yourself honey. But we'll be at your every side. Making sure you're safe." Harry said. And Ron added "If you're telling us the story later!" Harry frowned and punched Ron on his arm.

"It's okay. I'll tell you. Just don't make me do something stupid."

~WWW~

Mrs. Weasley called everyone to the table and I sat down with Harry and Ron on my side and Ginny in front of me. She understood as well. I was the luckiest girl in the world to have such great friends.

"Dig in everybody! Dig in!" Mrs. Weasley called out and everyone jumped at the nearest dish. After a moment with small chattering Mr. Weasley cleared his throat.

"So Hermione, tell me all about your adventures! Have you found the great Internet?"

I smiled a bit due to the lack of reality Mr. Weasley actually had of muggles.

"Yes, I'm using the internet. But it's not a thing you can touch. It's a bit like magic actually. I'm not going to explain what it all means but I believe that it'll be great in the future. Some muggles don't agree with me. But I believe so!"

"But tell me about the trips!" Mrs. Weasley pleaded and I braced myself.

"Well, I've been everywhere." I began. "I started off in Norway. It's really beautiful and the language is like singing to me. When the winter entered I moved to Sweden. There was a lot of snow and I've never seen so much snow in my entire life." I heard George snort and giggle; he had always enjoyed playing with snow. "But it was cold. So I decided to move to France. I didn't like France as much as I had hoped to and decided to go far away." I stopped and saw that everyone had stopped eating; except one person. Fred. He hadn't lifted his gaze one time and stuffed his mouth full with food. I felt foolish. Why did I talk about my trip like it was a great thing? I had hated almost every minute of it. "I went to Australia. It was warm, that was nice. But I had trouble with my magic. I just couldn't do a lot of magic so I lived a lot like a muggle. Hotel rooms are great." I stopped and saw people's pity. I met Ginny's gaze, she mimicked 'patronus?' and I shook my head. Her eyes went big and I met her pitied gaze as well. "I've lived in Italy in about 6 months now. That's probably why my dress doesn't fit me…" I said and tried to laugh. "That's about it." I finished and everyone went silent for a while. Then people began to ask questions.

"Where did you like it best?", "Where in the world would you recommend for me?", "Did you meet someone funny?", "Why didn't you send me a post card?"… I took one at the time and was really tired when dessert flew through the kitchen doors.

~WWW~

When Mrs. Weasley was carrying out the dishes I quickly offered a hand.

"You don't have to Hermione!" she said and smiled.

"Oh, I don't mind it at all. You can sit down with the others; I'll take care of it." She nodded and left me alone in the kitchen. The questions were all too much to handle and I was feeling almost dizzy. I wasn't used to speaking anymore. I had lived by myself for a long time and my head was tired from everything.

~WWW~

As I was cleaning the last couple of dishes I thought of the dinner. Fred's distance from me and everyone else's interested faces. No one was angry. Except Fred. Even his fiancée, Miranda, was interested but I couldn't understand why. She was the one to be angry though: Fred's ex-fiancée stepping inside and taking all the space. But then I got it. _Miranda didn't know!_ How could she not know? There were pictures of Fred and I in this very house. And our apart-…What kind of story had he made up? I placed the last plate in the cabinet and turned around as I bumped into someone.

"Ouch!" a person said

"Oh, sorry I-" and then I felt his scent and I knew who it was. I felt my face turn red as I slowly looked up. I met his gaze. I saw his warm, brown eyes again. I melted. Again. _Bullocks!_ I thought. Then he grabbed my shoulders and moved me backwards and pinned me to the wall.  
"What- Fred! Stop it!" I said and tried to get away from his firm hold. He covered my mouth with his hand and said

"I put a spell on the door that won't let them hear us." He began. I tried to speak but his mouth muted me. "I need you to answer some questions for me." He looked me directly in the eye and I stopped twirling around. His eyes were my only weakness and he knew it. "That's better. I am going to take my hand away; don't do anything stupid." He lifted his hand and wiped it on his pants. "Why are you back?"

"I was lonely."

"Why did you left?"  
"You know why I left."

"Why didn't you just go to Ginny or any other? Why to another country? Why different countries?"

"I was a mess." He sighed to my answers. I sighed as well and looked away. He let go of me and nodded to the door as he wanted me to leave him. I stood. "Miranda seems nice." I said, I wanted to see his reactions. He froze, and his face started to get red.

"Erhm. Yes. Yes she is."

"It's her. Am I right?

"Yes." He said and I sighed. He was still close to me and I could sense his scent and almost hear his heartbeat. We looked at each other and he let his fingers through my hair, a habit he always had done.


	3. Rolling in the deep

**Chapter 3 – Rolling in the deep**

You had my heart and soul

And you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door

Count your blessings to find what you look for

~WWW~

He took one last look at me – and left. I leaned against the wall and I felt everything crash inside of me. I knew this dinner would turn me into a mess again. I fell to the floor and tears streamed down my face. I heard a voice far from behind but I didn't recognized it until Ron lifted me in his arms and apparated us to his bedroom. Harry appeared from the door when I was being tucked in by Ron. I cried and Ron hummed as he held my hand. I heard them talking.

"I found her on the floor like this. When I saw Fred leave the kitchen I knew that something was up."

"Bloody hell. I wish I knew how to soothe her."

"Hold me." I whispered and the boys climbed into bed on each side of me. "Fred didn't do anything. Not psychically." I started.

"Good." Both murmured.

"I'm sorry I left."

"It's okay honey."

"Well… Do you have time?" I asked them both and they said yes. "It's Miranda. 2 years ago, I started to notice that Fred was acting different. I slept in their apartment a lot as you know, but suddenly he would ask me to sleep at my own place." I sighed. "One night I came to the apartment without telling him so, and I saw a girl's coat hanging in the hallway. As I came closer I heard laughter and noises from his bedroom. I didn't even enter. I knew. I left the flower I had brought and went home. Packed my stuff, went to you to say good bye - I guess you remember that - and left."

"You looked so calm when you said good bye. I had no idea." Harry said.

"I was in shock."

"How did you know they weren't just friends?"

"You don't keep a friend from your fiancée and then giggle in your room with her."

"That's true." Ron answered

"Why did he do it then? You two seemed so in love, so happy."

"Yeah. I was."

"He's cold. And why did he stick with her? After making you leave the bloody country?"

"I wish I know. Why would he choose the poison over me?" I snorted and felt so tired. I thought I had grown past it.

"What did you do with your ring?"

"It's at mom's."

"I'm sorry that this happened to you Hermione. But you know you could've just talked to us and not disappear for a couple of years. You've missed so much."

"Then tell me. Tell me everything I've missed!" and the boys explained a lot of things: how Ron got kicked out of his job, how Harry got a degree from his job and how things with Ginny and their Godson were. I listened carefully.

"Haven't you met someone Ronald?"

"You're the only one for me darling."

"I'm serious Ron."

"Well, there was Lola as you know for a while but she turned out to be too much." I heard Harry snort: probably something I had missed. "I haven't met someone since her and I don't mind. I guess we're all getting a bit old so…"

"Hey! We're only 20 years old, you prick." Harry said

"Yes, and you have a Godson and soon-to-be-wife."

~WWW~

The next morning I was bathing in sweat. The boys and I had fallen asleep in full clothing together. I sat up and Ron made a noise that made me smirk. It was good to be back. I was sad, and I would probably be for a long time. But I knew now that running away never is an answer. It just makes things more complicated. I had defeated a troll, a three headed dog, punched Draco Malfoy in the face and fought in a war. But I hadn't the bloody guts to yell at my ex-fiancé. Something was seriously wrong with me. I wrote a quick note to the guys that I was showering and that they shouldn't be worried. You never know.

I hanged the sign "occupied" on the door, (Mrs. Weasley didn't like latches on toilets) and took a quick shower. I used Mrs. Weasley's shampoo and soap. When I was done I stepped out with my robe around me and used Mrs. Weasley's body lotion on my legs. Then the door flew open and Miranda was in the doorway.  
"Oi!" I yelled in surprise.

"Are you really going to be there all day?"

"The sign said occupied and I have been in here for maximum 10 minutes."  
"I always shower at exactly 8.20."

"Well, sorry. But I've lived here more than you'll ever do and you have no right to yell at me in the morning." I was getting irritated with this girl. Who the hell did she think she was?

"You? Really? Why haven't Fred even spoken a word about you?" she said and raised an eyebrow. I sighed. Of course he hadn't mentioned me. But I didn't want to get him in trouble. Why didn't I want that? I had no idea. I was such a mess! I just left and walked into Miranda's shoulder on the way out. _Bitch_.

"A catfight the first thing in the morning?" Ron said with a smirk.

"Well it wasn't me."

"She's like that in the morning. You'll get used to it."

"Thanks. Just what I wanted to hear." I sighed and searched for clothes. It was just Ron's so I put on a big t-shirt and baggy jeans.

"You know it takes no time at all to apparate to your hotel room and fetch some clothes?"

"I can only do a little magic a day and I'm always saving it up. I mean, what if I had used everything when your mother sent me that owl? Then I hadn't been able to come here."

"You have a maximum magical power?" Ron asked in a surprise tone

"That's what I told you. I can't do much magic." I said and sat down on the bed. Harry frowned.

"You're like Tonks."

"What?" I asked.

"When Remus didn't see or acknowledge Tonks she became depressed. Even her patronus changed. Don't you remember? Our fifth year?"

"Yes… But that was grieving after Sirius."

"No, Hermione. She was in love with Remus and he couldn't be with her because of his condition."

"But they married…" Ron said

"He got over it I guess." Harry said and looked to the floor.

"Teddy is lucky to have you." I said when I saw Harry's eyes watering. He nodded.

"Any way, that's what happened to you. You can't make magic because you're depressed." I frowned. Me? Depressed? I was just sad… "Make a patronus, Hermione."

"I can't." I said

"Try." I frowned again and thought of something happy. I thought of the joy between the two boys and me after the war. When we held each other and the only thing that wasn't chaos were we. I started to lift my wand. I thought of memories from Hogwarts. I thought of my fantastic grades, I thought of Hagrid, Mrs. McGonagall and flicked my wand. Blue sparkles started. "Keep going!" Harry shouted and I tried to think of another memory. I saw Fred's face. I saw our rings. I saw our toast and the promises to each other. And when it hit me: my patronus died. I was the most terrible witch of my age.


	4. Romour has it

**A/N: **Again: THANK YOU! I cannot describe how happy I am from all of your reviews. It makes me smile so, so, so much! Me and my friend actually jumped around in a room when I told her. ;) So yes, your reviews mean everything to me. I'm trying to update every day as of now, and I hope I'll be able to continue doing this. But don't be mad if I miss one day or so. XXX from L.

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**Chapter 4. -** **Rumour has it**

Bless your soul, you've got your head in the clouds,  
She made a fool out of you,  
And, boy, she's bringing you down,  
She made your heart melt,  
But you're cold to the core,

~WWW~

After my failed attempt to use magic the boys felt like that it was their fault and tried with everything to make me feel better. They cooked a delicious breakfast and watched me every second.

"I'm not going anywhere." I said and continued to eat.

"We could take you to your hotel room and help you fetch some clothes."

"Is it really a good idea for me to stay here? Harry, isn't Teddy missing you?"

"Ginny is bringing him here today! You have to see how big he is now!" I could hear Harry's proud voice and promised to stay. For them. I finished the breakfast and watched Ron eat in his sloppy way. The cooking had improved, but his table manners would never. I smiled; they always had my back and I was eternally grateful.

"What do you want to do today?" Ron asked when he had finished his bowl with cereals.

"I'd like to meet Teddy. I guess he's a bit grown up now." I said and thought of the beautiful baby boy. The last time I saw him he had blue hair and I was eager to see what colour his hair would take now.

"Maybe we could go for a swim as well tonight? I know it's not the most ideal weather but the lake is always warm." I nodded at the suggestion from Ron and was about to say something when Harry cut it.

"We'll take you to your hotel room for you to get some clothes, and a bikini. We wouldn't want Fred to see too much of your body just yet." He joked and twirled me around just as Ron had done yesterday. "Really Hermione, you look fantastic! I didn't know food would give you this body."

"That's such an odd compliment from you. But thanks!" I said and tried to hide a blush. Harry was always honest and sometimes it became a bit weird. Harry called Ginny and she entered, looked at my outfit and understood. Such a clever witch. Ron held out his hand like if he wanted to dance, and I took it. One second after Harry, Ginny and I appareted side-long with Ron, and we landed in my hotel room. I gave Ron a quick smile as thank you and opened my wardrobe.

"The problem is…"

"What?" Ginny asked  
"Not everything is fitting me anymore."

"That's great! We want to show off your boobs to Fred and Miranda. That's the least you can do after this morning." Ginny said. I raised an eyebrow as a question. "Oh, please. Everyone heard you and Miranda. She was screaming her guts off. And Harry filled the story in."

"I knew you wouldn't mind her knowing…" Harry said.

"That's great. Then I don't have to think about it again." I said and tried to make my statement funny, but failed. They gave their pitied look again. My inside wrenched. I started to pack my things again; I was quite used to it now.  
"Shall I check out from the hotel?"

"Yep! You're living with the world's most good-looking wizard now." Ron said and smiled with his entire face. I laughed and opened the door; still dressed in Ron's clothes.

"No, no, no Hermione! You can't go back in those clothes. You have to put on something stunning." Ginny insisted.

"Why?"

"We want to make Fred regret everything!"

"I'm not sure that's such a great idea. I just want to live a normal life, you guys…"

"Please, just a little fun in this?"

"Okay" I agreed and closed the door. I let Ginny search through my bag with clothes and she picked some skinny jeans that apparently showed off my ass. Then the boys decided what top to wear and I felt like a mannequin. It felt so weird. But I agreed. I was living on their conditions now; at least I was living. I had probably just sulked in my loneliness if I hadn't visited the Burrow.

"Harry and I are going to fetch Teddy from Andromeda and then we'll be back. Ron you'll take Hermione back okay?" He nodded and held out his hand again. We disapparted from the others back to the Burrow and landed in the kitchen with a loud crack.

~WWW~

I was running around and playing with the little boy. He wasn't as small as 2 years ago but he was small to me. When he had seen the Burrow his hair had changed to fiery red and he had yelled "Wesyey" in an attempt to say 'Weasley'. When I was playing with him Miranda appeared and Teddy waved. He knew her, but not me. It stung. I hated this. She bent over and gave him a kiss on his forehead. I just sat and looked at her. I didn't want to speak because I would probably say something stupid.

"Have you met him before?" she asked. I rolled my eyes and snapped.

"Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks were his parents and I fought with them until their death in the war. Yes, I know him."

"I know who his parents were; you don't have to be so arrogant." She snorted and continued to play with Teddy. I sighed. She probably didn't know who I am or what I have done. I never liked to brag but now I felt an urge to tell her everything about what I'd done during the war. She was such an irritating girl. She brought down everything that's good in Fred. How in the world are those two engaged? Ginny came back, gave me an apologetic look and took Teddy again.

"Time for food!" she said and noted to me to tag along. We entered the kitchen and started to chat as we always had done; only that this time Ginny was holding a boy that almost could be her real son. When we had chatted for a while and Teddy's hair had changed from red to blue again and he fell asleep. Then we heard a whispering. Miranda was talking to George and her whispering voice was more of a hissing.

"Why is everyone treating Hermione like she's some sort of princess?" she snorted to George. He raised his eyebrows and looked split and confused.  
"Hermione has been with us since she was eleven." He answered and Miranda changed position: she hadn't expected that.

"And she goes away for two years, do not call and when she comes home everyone is fine with that? I think she's a snob." Miranda stated and I heard myself snort and turned around. I couldn't believe she said that about me. Ginny laid a hand on my arm to prevent me from doing something stupid. She had forgotten that my magical powers were limited.

"She's not a snob. She's a powerful witch and a beautiful person. Don't talk about her like that!" George snapped and walked away from Miranda. A door slammed and two voices began to fight. It was Fred and George. They never fought. Ginny and I looked at each other in a worry.


	5. Set fire to the rain

****A/N: I just remembered that I live in another time zone. When I'm posting this it's another day, but for you it's probably in the middle of the night. (Depending on where you live of course!) So if the chapters appear in a weird time just remember Sweden is probably very far away from you. ;) Cheers! (And of course: THAAAAANKS for the kind reviews. It's so inspiring! And I can't wait until the BIG chapter is coming... *drum roll* :D)

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**Chapter 5 – Set fire to the rain **

'Cause there's a side to you  
That I never knew, never knew,  
All the things you'd say,  
They were never true, never true,  
And the games you play  
You would always win, always win.

~WWW~

"I can't stand her!" I heard from the floor above. "I just can't! She just called Hermione a bloody snob. You, by anyone, should not be letting her trash her like that!"

"I don-"

"You don't what? I know you don't love her anymore! We understand that, alright? But everyone else does. She was my bloody best friend until you made her run away."

"I didn't mad-"

"Oh yeah. Really. Stop the bloody lies, brother. I am so tired of this. I can't believe you're getting married. This is just insane!" I heard George scream and then we heard a lot of crashes and Ginny and I looked at each other again. She hummed to Teddy to make him continue sleeping. She didn't want to hear, nor did I but I guess that's what you'll get. I knew I had to do something. Those two couldn't fight. They never fought. But "to do something" meant going into the room with angry Fred and George in it. I was so split. I looked at Ginny. Her worried face made me decide. I took a look at where Miranda had been and saw no one standing there. She had probably gone out; too much of a coward to care. I squeezed Ginny's arm and started to climb the stairs. When I finally stood outside of their bedroom door their room was finally quiet. I didn't know how to act and stood there like a stupid person; wishing they would start yelling again so I could enter and tell them to stop. Then I heard sobs and was startled from the noise. I had never seen any of them cry; except when Mr. Weasley was attacked by Nagini a long time ago. I tried to find the Gryffindor in me and knocked lightly on the door. The sobs stopped.

"Come in." George's broken voice said. I opened the door and my eyes fell everywhere besides the two of them. The room hadn't changed much and it stung to see everything so much alike what it used to look.

"Did you want anything?" George said, and sounded both wounded and tired.

"I am so sorry…" I whispered. I met George's sad gaze but Fred wasn't turned at my direction. "Thanks George. For standing up to me, I heard, so…" I wasn't quite sure what to say. Such a stupid idea to come here. He nodded and looked at the floor, then the ceiling and then at Fred's back. I swallowed a lump and nodded. I understood. I went to George, gave him a hug and then swallowed another lump again. George left the room and it was only Fred and I left. I took a step towards Fred and I saw him stiff from the noise of my feet.

"Alright, I'll sit here. But we have to talk." I tried and sat down where George had been sitting. I received no response from Fred so I decided to just talk. "I have no idea why you did it. It was the most stupid thing you have ever done. It was the most hurtful thing you have ever done." I was surprised how calm my voice was. "I guess I want to put it behind us, but I think I need some questions to be answered. Okay?" I was getting shaky. _Shit!_

"Okay." His voice startled me and I felt an urge to just hold him and be his again. But there was no such thing going on. We just had to talk. "What do you want to know?" he continued. I didn't really know what I wanted to ask him so I stood and went to the bed he was sitting on. I sat in another corner but so we could face each other. He looked in another direction.

"I know you're not a bad person. I have never seen that side of you before and it made me so upset. I wanted nothing more than to hex you."

"You should've." He was still not looking at me. "or do it now." He added.

"There's no such thing as magic." I answered and Fred was so startled by my statement that his eyes pierced mine. He waved his wand, whispered _Wingardium Leviosa_ and moved the nearest book by magic to my lap. His eyes changed and only I knew that it meant 'what did you say?' I shook my head. I tried to move the book back to its original place but it fell to the floor before it had finished its journey. The attempt to make a patronus had made every slight of magic in me disappear. Fred's mouth formed an 'o'; he had never seen me fail a spell before. Especially not a spell that was taught to first-years. I smiled a crooked smile; he had no idea how sad I was - I was probably not so sure myself.

"Are you happy with Miranda?"

"She's quite nice."

"That was some explanation about your fiancée."

"I knew she hurt you."

"George has a temper sometimes."

"Why did you come to my room?"

"I couldn't stand you two fighting. You shouldn't be fighting over something so small."

"He hates her. Always has." I was surprised to the feeling of joy I was getting from this. I wasn't supposed to be happy about George hating someone, but I didn't like her very much either. "Why can't you do magic?" he asked.

"Harry thinks I'm depressed."

"Are you?"

"I'm not sure. I'm not feeling anything; so how should I know? "

"You have to feel something."

"I feel joy sometimes. When I saw the boys yesterday I was happy. But the other feelings are probably numb." I had no idea why I told him this but Fred had always been the one I had trusted the most. It wasn't difficult to retrieve the trust again, even though I knew I shouldn't trust him.

"Why did you go to Norway?"

"So you picked that up, huh. I knew Luna would be there. I didn't find her though; she was probably in a forest somewhere searching for Wrackspurts."

"I mean, really. Why did you leav-" he couldn't finish his statement before the door slammed open and Miranda was standing in the doorway looking angry. Why did she always appear in a doorway?  
"What are you doing talking to her?" she snorted and Fred raised his eyebrows.

"…Talking?" he questioned and made a goofy face. I smiled; he hated being thrown back and always struck it with homour. I stood up though and made my way to the door. I stopped right before Miranda and looked her in the eyes. I saw that she was scared but determined at the same time: she didn't want to fail by stop staring but she hated it at the same time. It pleased me: I was getting stronger. I leaned over and whispered in her ear

"Ask him what he knows about me" and left.


	6. Turning tables

A/N: I'm writing my head off. Haha! It's so much fun when you're this enthusiastic and gives such good reviews! A lot of love to everyone! Thank you darlings! And be patient; not long until the big chapter :D

_Warning though: bad language. But yeah, it's rated T so..._

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Turning tables**

Close enough to start a war  
All that I have is on the floor  
God only knows what we're fighting for  
All that I say, you always say more  
I can't keep up with your turning tables  
Under your thumb I can't breathe

~WWW~

I went downstairs, and I knew that my comment hadn't been necessary but I was so sick of this girl. It felt like she was ruining Fred and I thought that I wasn't the only one who saw that. I wouldn't mind her packing her things and leaving. Wow, I was really turning in to a bitch. I smiled at myself and saw no one downstairs. I wondered a second where they all could've gone to but then I remembered the lake. I rushed upstairs again and looked at Fred's door. It was mysteriously quiet. I decided not to care and rushed in to Ron's room and started to unpack my things in a hurry. I was so stressed I didn't even notice Ron lying on the bed.

"What're you searching for, Hermione?" I jumped and muted a scream.

"I- you- I-…" my pulse was running dangerously high and I stuttered. "I thought you were at the lake and I thought I had missed it."

"The others went. I wanted to stay and listen to all the screaming." As on cue, we heard a loud scream from Miranda. Then an answer from Fred, a loud bang and then everything went quiet again. Ron and I looked at each other. We weren't quite sure what to do so we stood still for a moment and then took each other's hands and went out from the room. Miranda was leaning against a wall outside of the room but Fred was nowhere to be found.

"Where is he?" Ron asked Miranda and she met his gaze with tears streaming down her face.

"I don't know! I don't care!" and then changed to meet my gaze and said "It's your entire fault, you know that? We had everything going just great until you arrived. Then he changed his bloody mood and I don't even know why." She screamed and I guessed the tears were nothing but crocodile tears. "You're not even pretty! With your hair like that and you have nothing to offer: I have loads." Ron took a step forward at this and clenched his fists. I laid my hand on him and held him back. It was good she finally presented her real self.

"I'm going to look for Fred" Ron stated and disapparated.

"What's that shit with you not knowing magic? Are you a squib or something?"

"I know magic." I answered calmly.

"Yeah, but you can't use magic. It makes you a fucking squib."

"I am not a squib. But there's nothing wrong with being a squib either." It was getting difficult to breathe. Her comments had hurt, but I was not letting it show.

"You're nothing."

"Did he tell you anything about me?"

"You're a friend of Harry Potter. The famous wizard."

"Did you even read the newspapers?"

"I didn't need to. My father read me the important ones."

"Where did he find you?..." It wasn't really a question towards Miranda; mostly just an observation that she didn't belong with us.

"At my job." She hadn't understood that my question was rhetorical. I sighed and shook my head in disbelief. Was Fred really serious with this? Did he really love this witch? I turned around to go back in to Ron's room when Harry entered, saw the tension between us and stood. He had no idea what to do.

"Did you just come back from the lake? I was going there now." I said to him; ignoring Miranda.

"Yeah, I was actually just getting you. Ron and Fred turned up so I was wondering what took you so long. Coming?"

"Let me just grab my things." I said and went back to Ron's room, changed in to a bikini and took a summer dress on top.

"You're beautiful." Harry said when I came back. Miranda had once again disappeared so I smiled and went downstairs with Harry.

~WWW~

When we were getting closer to the lake we heard laughter and people talking. Harry was nice enough to walk with me; he knew that I would probably be offended if I was being offered "a lift" every time we went somewhere. We went to the shore and Harry threw himself in to the water; not even bothering taking his clothes off. Everyone laughed. I smiled and sat down with Teddy who was building a sand castle. He showed his great skills and sometimes his hair changed in to sand colour for just a second. He couldn't really control his ability. Ginny came back from the water and sat down with us.

"Has he been showing any magic besides this?"

"Yeah, but not much. It's a bit early for that just yet. It's mostly things getting hidden from us." I laughed and continued to watch Teddy's enthusiastic work.

"Don't you want to swim?" Ginny asked me after a while.

"Yeah, I do. But I'm a bit cautious; haven't really been trimming my body."

"Oh please, you look so fantastic! Come on now, Teddy can play alone for a couple of minutes. He's a big boy. Aren't you Teddy boy? Aren't you a big boy?" Ginny said and I laughed at the charisma between them. She had really adopted great to the being-a-mother-situation. Ginny stepped in to the water and I slowly took off my dress. It felt so weird. Every one of these people had seen me in bikini - or less - many times but there was something different this time. I dipped my toes in the water and was surprised with its warm temperature. I felt eyes on me and looked up; met Fred's staring eyes and I blushed. I looked at Ginny; who winked at me. That was just too much. I flung myself in to the water and Ginny came after me; chasing me around.

~WWW~

Later that night Ron, Ginny, Harry and I were sitting in Ron's room. It had been such a difficult day. But we were chatting like old times, only this time Ginny was leaning against Harry and I was the one being alone. It was okay though. These were my best friends and I was never letting them go again.


	7. Hiding my heart

_A/N: Just an explanation if someone doesn't understand: beard = a man or woman used as a cover for a gay partner._

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Hiding my heart **

I wish I could lay down beside you  
When the day is done  
And wake up to your face against the morning sun  
But like everything I've ever known  
You'll disappear one day  
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

~WWW~

I was woken the next morning by rain falling on top of the roof. I had lived in so many hotels now that I wasn't used to the feeling of a real house. You never lived right beneath the roof in hotels. This night I had my own bed but I was still sleeping in the same room as Ron. Harry, Ginny and Teddy lived in Ginny's old room; it felt more natural for me to share room with Ron. Then I felt that my pillow was wet and I became disgusted: had someone played a prank on me? But then I felt it; my cheeks were wet as well. I had cried in my sleep. I was trying to remember what I've dreamt when Ron came to my side. He held a glass of water and a candle.

"Hey, sorry I woke you. I heard your tears so I just wanted to check upon you."

"The rain woke me. I didn't even know I was crying. Thank you." I was so tired. "What time is it?"

"Middle of the night, around 3 o'clock I guess. Here!" he gave me the glass and I smiled. He was such a great person. I truly loved him. As a friend of course, I wished sometimes I had fallen for him instead. He would never hurt me. Then I remembered what I had dreamt.

"You want to tell me about your dream?" Ron suggested and I nodded, moved aside and let Ron lay beside me. He knew me too well.

"I just remembered. I wasn't even aware of my tears when I woke up. Are you sure of this? I guess it's going to take a while to explain."

"Tell me everything. But you have to wake me up if I fall asleep." He joked and I poked my fingers in his side, he squealed and laughed. "Go on darling."

"Well it's about Fred. It was a memory. It was such a great memory. The year after the war Fred took me out on a dinner on Valentine's Day. We had dated a few times but we hadn't done anything more than hugging - you know. He took me out to the finest restaurant in London. It wasn't even a magical one; it was a so called normal. A muggle one. He had changed our kind of money to pounds. Can you believe that? He was such a sweetheart. He took my coat, held out the chair and had already ordered the meal so the first dish was on its way when we arrived. The main course was the most delicious thing I've ever eaten. And dessert, oh my god! It was a fantastic tiramisu that made my heart melt. I was madly in love with him through half the dinner. He talked so much, explaining his business and I was really getting to know him. He didn't brag of course, he was really smooth. Wow, that's why I love him. He's so smooth and always says the right things."

"Did you just say you _love_ him? As in now, love?"

"Oh…"

"Hermione!"

"Well, I don't know. I haven't really gotten over him yet. That's why I am so bitchy. And probably why I'm crying at night."

"You're not bitchy."

"I am in my head."

"Hermione, seriously. You can't be in love with him. That's too much!"  
"Well, there's no switch to just turn off – is there?"

"Maybe there's a spell…"

"And yeah, tricking me into believing I'm not in love with someone I am? Classy."

"I'm not trying to offend you. It's just not good for you. Is that's why you're not arguing with Fred; only Miranda?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Ron sighed.

"Continue your story?" he said

"Alright. I'm sorry. He was smooth and charming. He has the most charming smile. Had. Has. Yeah… When he had paid – with muggle money – he led me through the doors and there was no ride. I was actually excepting a big limousine or a horse carriage. But no, he dragged me a bit further away and then revealed a broom. I had the most ridiculous short dress on and he was expecting me to ride a bloody broom. It ruined the moment when he tried to persuade me; but he did. He got me on that bloody broom. He sat behind me and my eyes were closed when we hovered low above the ground. When we were high up he asked me to open my eyes. As I did; I saw the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was London in the night: covered with street lights. It was absolutely beautiful. He took me to Hyde Park and when we got there he had already set out a blanket that was on the grass. It was quite chilly out so we sat close and he gave me his jacket. When the clock struck 12, fireworks shot up in the sky and built a beautiful W. Then he made his move and kissed me."

"I'm not even a girl but that's bloody romantic."

"He was so great."

"But why were you crying? I doubt you cried because of this. Unless it was happy tears, but your whining sounded haunted."

"When I was feeling the most happy and full of magic - which I never do these days – it changed. It became the night he left me standing. I had thought of that night before I went to his place. Remembering how much I'd enjoy his surprise. So I made him a little surprise by bringing flowers. It was his favourite ones: forget-me-not."

"Don't tell me Fred had a favourite flower."

"He did! He used it to make a brew in their shop and it had worked on the first try. So he loved the flower."

"That's so weird. You're sure Miranda isn't some kind of beard?"

"Ronald! Stop being so conservative."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding alright? Continue!"

"Yeah, I had bought the flowers and I had my own set of keys so I entered without problem. When I saw Miranda's coat hanging in the hallway I was getting suspicious. I didn't know her name by then – but you know what I mean. I knew it could be Angelina's but you know the feeling you get when you're suspicious: you just have to know more! So I went inside, directly to his room, but stopped when I heard the bloody giggle. I was about to enter and scream my guts off, but when I heard weird noises I just imagined what was going on there, and I ran. Like a bloody Gryffindor." I sighed and felt more tears streaming down my face. "I don't even know why he did it. She's such a bitch and she has no idea about the war or anything. It's like it didn't existed. It was the fucking biggest thing in England!" I had raised my voice a bit so Ron squeezed my hand. "Sorry. But seriously. Doesn't it make you want to strangle her? All the lives that were taken and she doesn't give a shit about it."

"Yeah, she's a douche."

"Nicely phrased. I know I'm a bossy, whiny, irritating girl; but why did he have to cheat?" I sighed out loud and shook my head. Everything that had happened made no sense. Why would he do it?

"I don't think Fred's a bad person." Ron said.

"Me neither, sometimes. I used to know everything about him. I could read his face; second by second. But nothing's the same. It hurts so much."

"I know darling. But we have to sleep now. Thank you for sharing, I'll always be by your side. Talk more in the morning?" Ron said and hugged me. He was getting up when I dragged him back again.

"Sleep beside me?"

"Of course." He answered and I fell asleep again lying on Ron's chest. He was the best friend I've ever had. We loved each other like brother and sister.

* * *

A/N: There´s a reason I chose to write this chapter with Ron as Hermione´s friend. I´m quite tired of fanfictions where Ron is the bad guy. Because I believe that Ron is a fantastic friend and an amazing person. Otherwise JK. Rowling wouldn´t have made him come back. I just believe that Fred is fitting more with Hermione. But yeah, Ron is great! Hope you agree with me. :) Thanks for your reviews, it makes me jump up and down :D xxxx


	8. Take it all

**A/N: **OK... Here it is! *drum roll* I love every one of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Take it all**

Didn't I give it all,  
Tried my best,  
Gave you everything I had,  
Everything and no less?  
Didn't I do it right?  
Did I let you down?

Maybe you got too used to  
Well, having me around.  
Still how can you walk away  
From all my tears?

~WWW~

Mrs. Weasley had cooked another delicious dinner for every one of us. Charlie had arrived and I was pleased to see him. We talked for a while and he joked about why I hadn't visited him on my around-the-world-trip. We joked around when George joined our conversation and it began to feel like before. My stomach clenched and I ran to the bathroom. The feeling was so sick! When I sat on the floor leaning on the toilet someone knocked. I said it was open (it was always open: Mrs. Weasley had even put an anti-lock charm on it) and George came in.

"Hermione. What happened?"

"Georgie… I don't know… It felt so weird talking to you guys, just like before."

"Did you do anything?" he asked and pointed to the toilet. I shook my head and he relaxed, stepped closer and embraced me.

"I've missed you like crazy! Don't you dare run away from us again."

"Never."

"I know what happened. Like really happened. Not the shit Fred's been saying. I was in the apartment too. You just didn't see me. I was out of sight because I was trying a new potion. You don't have to explain."

"Why didn't you warn me?"

"You think you'd listen to me?"

"Yeah… Probably not."

"I ran after you, but you didn't see me. No one did, you know."

"Is it an invisible potion?"

"Yeah, but it was dangerous. So we dropped it. I didn't come back in sight for three days. Fred actually thought you had run away with me."

"He knew why I ran!"

"Well, that's the problem. I think he's hiding something. Or not hiding but keeping something from us, or me. I have no idea what it is but it's been a nagging feeling since the day you left."

"Well, he's been hiding that he was cheating from everyone?"

"Yeah, but he knows that I know. So it's something else. Like something he doesn't want us to know."

"If I'm getting this right: you want me to figure it out what it is?"

"I always knew you were the brightest witch of your age." He said and winked.

~WWW~

After another painful dinner Ginny was away taking Teddy back to Andromeda. Harry and Ginny had planned some grown up activities for us all so Teddy was sent back to his grandmother. Angelina had arrived as well and she embraced me when she saw me. It was weird with everyone here but I coped with it. George dragged me in to the kitchen and explained:

"It's going to be a lot of people here tonight. A lot! Mom and dad are not allowed in the house. I just wanted to warn you in advance. But you're going to have so much fun, and there's going to be so much people you'll know!" he laughed, kissed me on the cheek and went out again. I sighed. I would've loved it 2 years ago, but now it felt so sick. Everyone would like to hear what I've been up to and what would I say? _Just trying to get myself together for 2 years; without a result._

I followed George out from the kitchen and met more and more faces. I received hugs from a lot of people. I saw Bill and Fleur standing further away and I waved at them. I really enjoyed seeing Neville and Luna with her boyfriend as well. I saw Ron standing in a corner talking to Oliver Wood. It had been so many years since I saw Oliver so I went over and joined the conversation. Sadly for me: it was about quidditch. I listened for a while but quickly got bored. I saw people taking out things to drink and I was really eager to just get the night done. Firewhiskey for me then!

~WWW~

We had loud music, good drinks and I actually enjoyed myself more than I thought I would. Only a few had wondered things about my trip but a lot of people were quite tipsy so they rarely listened to the answer. After a while the people had divided themselves into two groups. One group played "Never have I" with shots and the others used Harry's new karaoke. It took a while to explain what it was but they quickly got the hang of it. I didn't sing but I enjoyed listening to everyone. I shifted between the two groups but quickly got stuck in the "Never have I"-group where the most people were.

"Never have I been skinny-dipping!" Angelina said and a lot of people drank. Including me. I laughed and remembered a lot of times. Ginny gave me a wink as she remembered as well. A few more statements were followed but they were all quite harmless. Ginny saw that I was getting bored and chose to speak. "Never have I had sex in a forest." She stated, but drank herself. Everyone laughed and some people drank as well. A lot of people were getting really drunk and I wanted to share something. I didn't know what though. While I was thinking Miranda took place and shared her statement. "Never have I been close to death." She said, without drinking – but no one laughed. Everyone went silent, raised their glass to the sky and then swallowed the whole shot. Miranda looked at everyone in surprise.

"You're with people who served the good side in the war, Miranda. Everyone here, except you, risked their life to save the Wizarding world." I said without thinking clearly. What the fuck had just happened? The firewhiskey must have made me say what I was thinking. _Shit!_ She barely looked at me; just snorted and went to the other group who still was singing. This group had almost sobered up when that statement had fallen.

"I feel ya" Neville said towards me and raised his glass. The others did the same. I felt so embarrassed I took a bottle of firewhiskey with me and went to sit in a couch. I took a few sips and tried to make myself drunk again. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was being apparated side-long away from the others.

"What the hell are you doing?" I screamed as Fred had made us appear in his room. He moved closer to me and looked sad. "Stop it! Let me go!" I said and tried to walk out. Fred was blocking the way and I wasn't that strong when I was a bit tipsy.

"Please… Hermione!"

"What?" I almost screamed and I finally met his gaze. His eyes were sorrowed and it looked like he had been crying. "Is everyone alright?" I asked him in a more quiet tone.

"Everyone is fine. Just… talk to me. Without screaming. Without Miranda bursting in to the room."

"How can you be so sure she won't be bursting in?"

"I charmed the door. She doesn't know that spell."

"Alohomora?" I asked. And he smiled weary; knowing my sarcasm was my way of making a situation less difficult.

"There's something I need to tell you. Come on, let's sit on the bed."

"Why?"  
"Please, just do it. I won't hurt you…" I did as he asked and my mind was getting truly sober.

"So…" I said

"I need to know why you left." He said. I rolled my eyes and looked at him. Was he serious?

"You can-… Because you cheated on me, that's why!"

"How do you know that's true?"

"Because I heard you and bloody Miranda make awful noises and giggles from _your_ bedroom. What the hell Fred? Why are you putting me through this again?"

"Please stay calm."

"What? So you can hurt me again? I don't even know why you did it. Am I not pretty enough? Did I help you _too_ much?" I started to cry. "Did I let you down? Why the hell did you cheat on me? With _her_? She's a…"

"Hermione."

"Just answer me!" I screamed and cried.

"I didn't cheat on you."

"Yeah, and I am the queen of England!"

"Look at me." He said, and I was furious; why did he say these things to me? I looked in to his eyes and met his bright brown eyes. I knew that he couldn't lie with his eyes so I was expecting thunder. I met his eyes and only saw truth.

"I didn't cheat on you."

"Oh."


	9. I'll be waiting

**A/N: **I guess the last chapter was a bit confusing.. I had such a great idea in my head, but it's hard to make it in to words sometimes. Especially since English isn't my mother's tongue. But you've been waiting for the next and here it is. :) Enjoy folks. XX (I love to read you're thoughts about it by the way. It makes me giggle! :D)

* * *

**Chapter 9 – I'll be waiting**

You know my heart more than I do,  
We were the greatest, me and you,  
But we had time against us,  
Miles between us,  
The heavens cried,  
I know I left you speechless,

~WWW~

"Hermione! Hermione!" I heard in the background and opened my eyes.

"…What?"

"Bloody hell Hermione. You just passed out!" It was George who stood over me.

"Did I dream?"

"No…" it was another voice. It was Fred's; he sat in a chair further away. I looked around in the room and there were only the twins in the room.

"Shit…" I said because I had such a headache.

"Here." George gave me a cloth with water and patted my forehead.

"I didn't really think you would react that way…" Fred explained.

"Where is everyone else?"

"They are still downstairs I guess. I just got George."

"Okay. Well. This is so strange."

"I'm sorry." Fred continued. I looked at him, and sat up in the bed that I apparently was laying in. I remembered our conversation and looked at Fred  
"What the hell!"

"There we have it, should I stay Fred?" George asked. Fred nodded; I knew he was uncertain of my behavior.

"Wait. Wait. Oh no. George… Don't say you know that I didn't know what Fred said? Oh, that was weird. But… George!" I screamed at him. It was a bloody plan all along.

"I'm so sorry Hermione. I just needed you to listen to him. Well, I didn't know at first of course. I dragged it out of him."

"I don't believe you." I said and meant Fred.

"I know you wouldn't."

"Well… Don't you have something to say? Explain _why_ you and miss giggle visited your bedroom at night. Or why took distance from me. Or why you didn't burst after me when I fucking ran away!" I screamed all my feelings and I felt my tears gathering in my eyes. I shouldn't cry. Not now. I was a strong woman. Yeah, 'was' was the right word. I burst in to tears. "Or why you fucked everything up! Or why you started to date that… that… bitch! And have bloody plans to marry her!" I screamed and tears were streaming heavy on my cheeks. Both Fred and George were startled by my attack and they looked worried that I wasn't lying in a bed; probably thinking I would pass out again. "Well?" I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow. He was such a liar.

"I have loads to say." Fred started.  
"Well, spill it then!"

"It's so complicated. I just have to say I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I am so sorry that I hurt you so much that you disappeared. I didn't run after you at first because I thought you had left with George, he was gone as well you see. He was…"

"I know the bloody invisible-story!" I had a really hot temper when I was mad.

"And after four days, it took a day for George to explain, I actually went out and searched. But where do you start? I started at places in England that I knew you loved. I contacted Charlie in Romania. But you were nowhere to be found. George talked me in to coming home and wait for you. We thought you only would be gone two weeks or so. I didn't except two years."

"It doesn't explain Miranda!" I snapped. I had stopped crying but was the edge of every emotion I had. I hold on to a bookshelf to not do something stupid.

"You started in Norway. Wasn't it Norway?" He had ignored my comment; he was probably on a track. "Norway. Why Norway? You could've gone to Germany that you always talked about. But you didn't come back. I waited a while. But I felt so alone and sad. And here was Miranda. Taking care of me; she had no idea why I was upset and I wasn't really eager to tell her. But she made me trust her and then it just happened. After almost one and a half years together we decided to get engaged. She wasn't you. She isn't you. She does not have the features you have, the brain, the personality. She's a completely different person: and that was what I was searching for. I didn't want to be reminded of you. You hurt me too, you know."

"So, you did cheat on me."

"What? How could you get that into cheating?"

"….Miranda was there…"

"Well. I knew her before you ran, yes. She was in my room with me the night you left. And-"

"I don't want to know any details."

"Please. Just shut up and listen to me!" Fred had lost his temper and was getting really upset. He was on the edge of crying as well.

"I don't know what the others have told you about her. But we met at her job. And guess what her job is?" he went silent and waited for my response. I shrugged. "She's a bloody party-planner. For wizards." I felt stupid. Had I missed a detail? Was this his explanation, his excuse, for not sleeping with her? He continued: "We planned a bloody party together! A birthday party for Ginny! She was getting of age for crying out loud!"

"That's your explanation? Why didn't I know about her then? You could've easily told me."

"Because it was a surprise for everyone. Including you. I wanted to do something for her, by myself. And you're such a terrible liar. You wouldn't have kept it secret." I walked backwards until I hit the bed again and then I sat. I looked at both of the twins with wide eyes. Was this the truth? I looked at George but he didn't meet my eyes. He was upset so his eyes fell to the floor. I looked back to Fred and I saw tears streaming down his face. I touched my own face and felt tears as well. I hadn't felt them flowing.

I burst out of the room, hearing Fred scream my name after me as I ran downstairs. The room downstairs was almost empty. What time was it? Almost 4 o'clock. I must've been out a long time. I saw Ron lying in a couch and I tried to shake him awake. He murmured in his sleep and I stopped trying. I sat down on the floor and cried.

~WWW~

I was awoken by the sun shining through an open door. I was lying behind a couch, almost as I was hiding, I didn't even remember the last things I did the night before. I heard angry voices so I decided to stay where I was hidden.

"How can you fool me like this? Not telling me about her? That's just rubbish! You're an ugly person!" it was Miranda. And to the look of it: she was talking to Fred.

"Miranda… Please."

"I'm sorry Fred. But we don't fit together. I can't stand your family, and you can't stand mine. Why should we even be together?"

"Are your family all you care about?"

"This relationship is over, Fred. I'm sorry. We can't be together. Not with her around. You either have to choose me and never come here again, or choose this and never see me again." Was she this stupid thinking Fred would leave his family for her? She must've gotten a Troll for her O..

"I'm not leaving my family."  
"Then this is good bye." I heard the door close and I was once again disguised by darkness. I heard Fred cry once again and I felt so bad for him. The second time he was left. I crept out from my disguised corner and went towards him. He didn't saw me until I was close to him.

"I'm so sorry…" I whispered and I embraced him; for the first time in 2 years. His scent almost melted in my nostrils. "I'm so sorry…" I was home.


	10. One and Only

**A/N: **40 reviews! I can't believe it! This is like a dream come true. Thank you thank you! (I'm having a big test tomorrow. It's a "national test" in English [which means every Swedish student that reads the course English B do this test at the same time and day] and I'm freaking out! Thank God I have practised English here! Wish me good luck!) ;) XXX

* * *

**Chapter 10 – One and Only**

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before  
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,  
You never know if you never try  
To forgive your past and simply be mine

~WWW~

I woke up late the next morning and I was torn between two emotions: happy and sad. I hadn't felt this before. I was uncertain what to do about it so I decided to just go with it and I went downstairs in my pajamas. Ron sat at the kitchen table looking like… basically hell.

"Rough night?" I asked and he just stared at me. I laughed at him and felt joy fill my body. What was this feeling? I hadn't felt it for so long. I smiled and let the smile stay on my lips. It felt good. I made myself some tea and a sandwich, sat down in front of Ron and started to read the newspaper. Eventually people were filling the kitchen and some of them stopped and stared at me. I was confused and thought I had something on my face so I went to the bathroom to check. Then I saw it. I was almost illuminating. My skin had a beautiful glow and my eyes were filled with sparkles. My smile didn't look dreadful or false. It looked sincere. I went out from the bathroom and looked at my hands. I met Harry in the corridor and he just looked surprised at me. I took my wand out, made eye contact with Harry and whispered _Avis _and beautiful birds flew from my wand, circled in the sky and tweeted beautifully. Harry opened his mouth in admiration and the only thing I could do was smile.

~WWW~

Later that day I sat on the swing set and sang to myself. I hadn't the most beautiful singing voice but I was okay. I enjoyed singing, but I hadn't done it for a long time so my voice was a bit raspy. I sang my favourite song while I was swinging and then I almost knocked someone over.

"Still singing I hear?" It was George. He looked happy and something else… What was it?

"Just remembered I used to sing. Haven't done it in a while. What are you up to?"

"Oh you just wait and see…" he mischievously said and then I remembered: his facial expression was his mischief-face. _Oh no!_ Then he attacked me, pushed me out from the swing and carried me away. I screamed all the dreadful things I knew and laughed at the same time. He carried me a bit further away and then sat me down beneath a big oak tree.

"Oi! What was that for?"

"I just wanted to see if I still could lift you. You've gained some…"

"Please don't say I'm fat." I pleaded and felt embarrassed.

"I was going to say curves! Stop being so ashamed of yourself, you look stunning Hermione. Truly! And I'm not just saying that because I'm your only true best friend in the whole wide world – who also loves you."

"What do you want me to do now?"

"Please get together with Fred again."

"That's… I can't just decide that. He's hurting from Miranda's decision to leave."  
"But you want to?"

"I have always wanted him. I'm not just sure that I'm the right one for him anymore."

"That's not up to you to decide. It's up to him!"

"Of course. But seriously George, it's not my decision. He's probably really upset at me leaving as well."

"Rebounds are great."

"George!"

"Just saying…" he smiled, sat down with me and gave me an apple.

"It's beautiful today. Not rain as yesterday."

"Sing to me?" he asked, and I sang for him. I sang the most beautiful song I knew and George's eyes drifted away as the notes entered his ear.

~WWW~

I wanted to go to the Diagon Alley later that afternoon. I was going to ask Ron but I didn't even have to ask when I saw his condition. He was truly hung over. Neither Harry nor Ginny could go with me - so I was stuck. If no one could accompany me I had to make my trip short. I was a bit afraid that my magic would run out and that I had to take the knight bus home, but I felt so alive and glowing that I took that risk. I grabbed my purse and was prepared to leave when I heard my name being called.

"Hermione! Hermione!"

"George. What's up?"

"We can accompany you."

"We?"

"Fred and I."

"Are you sure…?"

"Of course! Coming brother?" he shouted and Fred rushed downstairs.

"Indeed!"

"Are you going to b-"

"See you there." I said and disapparated. The twins appeared 50 meters away from me a minute later and I smiled when I saw them. I walked towards them and was almost about to take their hands, like I used to, but stopped myself before I actually did it.

"Where to?" George asked.

"I really want to go to Flourish and Blotts…" both of the twins smiled and strolled behind me as we went. It was an awkward silence between us when we walked but it disappeared when I entered the bookshop. I filled my lungs with the lovely air from books and I once again felt glowing and full of magic. I even used magic to take some books from the shelves! I looked around to see where the boys had went and found them in two pairs of chair; staring at me with wide eyes. I mouthed 'what?' and they both shrugged. I felt stupid. I wasn't sure about my feelings yet. I did love Fred; I truly did. But the event seemed so foolish. It had to be something more behind it. I shook the feeling off and decided for two books. I paid and when we left the shop the twins had the same facial expression that George had earlier this morning. I shook my head and stared wide-eyed at them when George grabbed me and apparated all three of us in to their shop. I met my dizziness with things flying across the shop and children jumping up and down of excitement. It had been such a long time since I was to the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. I smiled with my whole face and both of the twins lit up when they saw my reaction.

"We have actually rearranged a few things." Fred started. I looked at him and beamed. He cleared his throat. "Would you like a tour?" He held out his arm and I nodded, grabbed it and we left George with the cash disk and their employees.

"Feels a bit weird; being back." I said after Fred had shown me the newest stuff.

"I know." He answered and we sat down in their staff room. He poured some tea for me and we sat beside each other on a soft coach.

"Are you upset?"

"Not as much as I thought I would be. I didn't really… well, I did love her. But not in the same way as… as you." He almost whispered the last words and I dropped it. I didn't want him to be more upset than he already was. I took a sip tea and started to hum. Fred didn't drop it though so he continued.

"I know you're thinking that the story is a bit weird. It is weird. I know I handled everything like a bloody pig."

"I just don't get that you had to plan it in such a secret way."

"You mean my room?"

"Yeah."

"That was actually her idea. We started in our kitchen but then George came home, and she knew that I wanted it secret from everyone, so she suggested that we'd go in to my room. I didn't understand how suspect it must've looked until afterwards. I wasn't really thinking about doing her; I was just planning the bloody party."

"What were the weird noises?"

"Noises?"

"When I came to the apartment there was a lot of noises. Except the giggles. I can't even describe them."

"You must've arrived when we were picking what fireworks to fire. She had them in a miniature format so we didn't have to go out. Just like the dragons from the Triwizard Tournament; remember those?" I sighed and nodded. Why did he have an explanation of everything? I felt so foolish to have run away for so long. And not even for the right reason.

"Doesn't she have an office?"

"No. It's a part-time job so the agency calls their employees when someone asks for them. Only that Miranda didn't have another job. It was her only job."

"Such a weird profession."

"Well, her father is the owner."

"Oh, that explains it. Are you going to move back to the apartment now?"

"I guess so. We haven't really talked about it you know. I guess she has taken her things. I don't want to go there yet."

"Yeah I understand."

"How are you feeling?"

"I can do magic."

"And you're glowing." I met Fred's eyes and they sparkled. He smiled at me and I let myself smile back. "Thank you for coming back."

"Thank you for explaining." We beamed at each other and then he took my hand, kissed it and brushed a hair lock from my face.

"You become more and more beautiful every day."


	11. Lovesong

**A/N:** OK! This is why the fic is rated T. If you're sensitive: you shouldn't read it. But you would probably miss something juicy ;) THANKS! (And yes, I survived the test... phew! Thanks for you encouraging words)

* * *

**Chapter 11 – Lovesong**

However far away I will always love you  
However long I stay I will always love you  
Whatever words I say I will always love you  
I will always love you

~WWW~

We had gone back to the Burrow after a nice chat and after George had prompted me on a lot of stuff. I couldn't say no to his enthusiasm. The dinner had been alright actually, the tension between everyone had disappeared when Miranda left. Mrs. Weasley was actually happier. Ron was still a bit hung over so he went to bed early that night. I gave him a hug and thanked him for being there for me. George, Fred, Harry and I sat in the living room and talked. It felt good now actually; not so weird anymore. We talked until the night was late and then Harry left. He wasn't living at the Burrow anymore; he and Ginny had moved back to their apartment to be with Teddy so he disapparated away from us. Fred, George and I continued to talk for a while but then George also decided to leave. He disapparated and left Fred and I alone. There was a tension between us, but nothing we couldn't handle. He made a discrete movement and made his way closer to me. I smiled; it felt like we were young again.

"It's really great having you back."

"Thanks. It's great being back. It's actually nice to have somewhere to stay." I wasn't looking at him; I knew I wouldn't be able to resist him if I looked at him so I inspected the room.

"Hey…" he said and I looked at him and smiled shyly. He had aged so beautifully and his warm eyes still compelled me. He took a sip of his tea and his beautiful red lips surrounded his cup. I felt butterflies in my stomach. I felt a need for him. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. What was this? Fred would never love me again. Not after these years; not after his hurtful… His eyes forced me look at him. His beautiful brown eyes darkened and he leaned forward and his lips were on mine. I didn't respond at first because I was surprised of his action. But I quickly got the hang of it and deepened the kiss. He held his hand on my neck and moved me closer to himself. He breathed my name between the kisses and I knew I wanted him. I smiled eand my stomach flipped upside down. He lifted me up and carried me upstairs.

Fred placed me on his bed and waved his wand so his candles lit; the room was dark but the candle made it feel cozy instead of scary. I got up from the bed and met him halfway. He kissed my lips, my neck and my collarbones. I shuddered from his touch and met his lips again. He carefully removed my t-shirt and gasped when he saw my body. I felt embarrassed and tried to hide myself but he stopped me.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

"Please…"

"Hermione. I have wanted to feel you since the day we went swimming. I mean it. I hated myself for thinking it then, but I can't deny it. I want you." He had stated the first words but the last three he whispered against my skin and I unbuttoned his shirt and dragged it off him. I let my fingers guide their way through his powerful chest. I kissed his collarbone and he lifted me up again and laid us down in his bed. It was quiet but not in an awkward way; it made our breathless breath sound more erotic. I took off my jeans and he examined my body with his eyes. His brown eyes were darker than ever before and he kissed me fiercely. He took off his jeans as well and we were almost naked. He lay on top of me and I loved the feeling of his muscles on my body. I breathed short breaths and almost squealed when he took my panties off. I saw his ready eyes and I smiled.

"Fred…" I breathed when he felt me.

~WWW~

I woke the next morning and was sweaty. Then I remembered what had happen last night and I turned around to see a half-naked Fred beside me. I smiled. I didn't know what would happen now but I knew that this event was necessary. Both of us needed it. It had been romantic and at the same time passionate. I loved him.

"Hey beautiful." He said when he saw me staring at his chest. I smiled and leaned down to give him a kiss.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"You have no idea." He smiled when he spoke and then grabbed me and made me lie on top of him. I laughed and joked-punch him on the arm. I kissed him again and he leaned in on the kiss; making himself sit up. He traced his hands on my back and it felt so good. We kissed and made out a while before my stomach growled: telling it was hungry.

"Wait right here, honey. I'll be right back." So I waited and felt like a princess. I thought of what would happen now and I started to get nervous when he came back with a tray of fruit salad and tea. We ate together and talked about what we had done in the past two years. We avoided talking about Miranda though which made me feel weird. Was I a rebound, or something he had wanted? I felt a bit worried when he said

"A kiss for your thoughts."

"I'm just thinking…"  
"About what?"

"What happens now?" and Fred stopped his chewing and looked at me. I smiled a broken smile and then he put away the tray and then flung himself over me; kissed me everywhere and made my whole inside desperate.

"Whatever you want." He breathed and kissed my neck, my collarbone, my breasts, my stomach, my navel and…

"I love you!"


	12. He won't go

**A/N: **Sorry for the last chapter's length. I'm not that good at writing long chapters actually. This is a bit longer though. Hope you enjoy it. :) xxx

* * *

**Chapter 12 – He won't go**

I won't go  
I can't do it on my own  
If this ain't love, then what is?  
I'm willing to take the risk

So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride  
What if I lose my heart and fail declined?  
I won't forgive me if I give up trying

~WWW~

After the cozy breakfast both Fred and George had been away from work for too long, they both had to go back to their shop. George had come over early to catch Fred. I gave Fred a quick kiss before they went and I got a smirk from George. I had always loved how their brains worked together. After they had left I helped Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen for a while. It was nice just doing something with your hands and not thinking about anything. I liked that Mrs. Weasley didn't use magic all the time. Even if magic made things easier it was relaxing just doing things. I hadn't really done the dishes for God knows how long. It was nice though and I felt that I really needed to do something as a thank you for them letting me stay here.

"Hermione I just want you to know that I am really glad you scared that girl out from our lives. She was not good for us."

"I didn-"

"Well whatever you or anyone else did; she is gone! And that is worth celebrating!" She gave me a big smile and started to sing along to the muggle radio Mr. Weasley had given her. I smiled to myself; I didn't know if she knew about me and Fred but if she was happy I had reason to be happy as well.

"May I ask something, Mrs. Weasley?"  
"Anything my child!"

"What would you think about me getting together with Fred again?"

"Are you?"

"Just if…"

"You know I always have seen you as my own child, and you two make a lovely couple. But, my child, that is not something for me to decide. You are welcome under my roof any time. It does not matter if you are dating anyone from my family or not."

"Thank you Mrs. Weasley."

"You know that you can call me Molly, dear."

"I know Mrs. Weasley!" I said and smiled. I continued to help her with the dishes and sang along to the radio as well. We made a lovely duet.

~WWW~

I was sitting on the swing again, but this time reading and not swinging. I was disrupted from a crack and I saw Ginny walking towards me; looking angry.

"What's wrong Ginny?"

"You can't be serious."

"What?" I was confused. Had I done something wrong?

"Did you have to sleep with my brother? Wasn't a kiss enough or something? A snogging session?"

"How do yo- Wait… What's wrong with that? It's not like we haven't done it before."

"But it is sex!" she hissed.

"So?"

"Sex isn't something you just do for fun, Hermione. You if anyone should know that!"

"Well, what if it wasn't just for fun?"

"Well was it?"

"I don't know." I admitted and she sighed out loud. "I don't think so anyway. It seemed like more."

"For you maybe! But he just got dumped; do you really think he would just take you back without any consideration?"

"Why not?"

"It's my brother!"

"I love your brother."

"Why are you so bloody stubborn, Hermione? Just don't do anything else. You can stay at our place tonight. Maybe baby sit Teddy with us?" I thought about it for a second. I hadn't actually seen their place yet.

"Alright, I'll do it. But I have to pack and leave a note for Fred."

"Really? Leave a note?"

"I don't want him to think I've run off again – do I?" She nodded and followed me to the house again. I didn't need a lot of things with me when it only was one night so I packed light. I left a note on his pillow and went downstairs again. I could've easily owled him but for some reason it felt a bit weird. I didn't want him to know where I was every second so this felt like the better option. When I arrived downstairs I saw Ginny picking a letter from an owl and reading it. I waited for her to finish and when she did; she lit up in a bright smile.

"You, I and Harry are going to London tonight."

"O- O- Okay?"

"We're going out dancing!" she still smiled broadly. "Harry just owled me saying Androdema wanted Teddy for tonight – so he suggested dancing!"

"Harry? Did harry suggest dancing?" I was skeptic.  
"No… Not really. He suggested London and I made it in to dancing!"

"Yeah, that's more likely." I laughed and smiled back at Ginny. Dancing was fun but I hadn't been dancing for such a long time.

"Why are you still standing here? Up again and pick the sexiest dress you've got!"

"Sexiest? Why?"

"I want you to be the center of attention tonight!"

~WWW~

We arrived at Ginny's place with a crack. I looked around and saw the clean apartment. It looked absolutely lovely. I complemented every room she showed me and then I met Teddy. He squealed and laughed "Heymoyney" while his hair changed in to my colour. I gave him a hug and played with him for a while. He was the most adorable kid, and so social. He loved new people. Ginny brought me tea and then shared her plans for tonight.

"Harry is bringing Teddy to his grandmother in two hours, we eat a nice healthy dinner and then make ourselves ready for tonight? Deal?"

"Sounds like a plan!" I said and drank my tea. I was getting nervous, and I didn't even know why! Ginny and I talked for a while; mostly about anything but Fred. She avoided the subject.

"Don't you miss Hogwarts?"

"I did at first. I miss that we always had things to do. I haven't worked for so long so my spare time sucks. Why aren't you at work by the way?"

"Wow you're off. It's holiday! George and Fred are only working because they own the shop. Their employees need some time off as well."

"Oh…"

"Are you going to search for a job?"

"Yeah, I guess I am. I can't be staying at the Burrow forever. Ron and I have to go out and just search! I am thinking about applying for a magazine. Maybe where I can write about my experiences or something. I have to do something with the years I've wasted."

"That sounds terrific. You're great at keeping the deadlines as well." Ginny smiled; I knew she wanted me to be happy. We talked until it was time to make dinner.

~WWW~

After the dinner Ginny and I made us ready in their bedroom. We parked Harry in the living room; he was no help.

"You know… I think Harry thinks about getting a baby."

"You have a baby."

"Yeah, but another one. That's ours."

"Really? Are you up for it?"

"I'm feeling a bit young yet. Well, I know that I can be a mom so it's not that. It's just Teddy isn't a full-time-job. We don't have him all the time so we can do things like this. But if we had a baby; we can't."

"You know I'll baby sit any day." She smiled at me and we continued to put our make-up on. She had talent for it so I let her do mine.

"You should work as a make-up artist."

"And what's that?"

"It's a profession where you makeup models and such."

"Sounds cool…" Then we were ready and we got wolf whistles from Harry. I smiled and it actually felt cool to go out.

~WWW~

We had chosen a quite big club where the music was loud. Harry was bit skeptic but had agreed to do it. After a couple of beers Ginny and I made it out to the dance floor. We danced together and it felt so great! We danced to the music and after a while two guys joined us. Ginny quickly left me to go back to Harry who was sitting at the bar but I wanted to dance. I danced with the guy for a while and it was a lot of fun. After a couple of songs I broke free and got back to where Ginny and Harry was sitting.

"This is so much fun! Thank you Ginny for getting this idea!"  
"You seemed to have a lot of fun" Harry stated. I stared at him but smirked.

"Oh please, that guy? Nah, he's not in my IQ-zone." I joked and punched Harry lightly on the arm. "Come on!" I dragged them both out from their chairs and up on the dance floor. My head was spinning but I had so much fun. This night was a night to remember.


	13. If it hadn't been for love

**A/N: **Sorry it took so long. I just had a lot of stuff going on this weekend. But here it is. Just a question to you, dear readers: I have one song left from the album 21. Should I end the story or pick another album? If another album: do you have any suggestions? XXX

* * *

**Chapter 13 – If it hadn't been for love**

I never would have seen the trouble that I'm in  
If it hadn't been for love  
I would have been gone like a wayward wind  
If it hadn't been for love  
Nobody knows it better than me  
I wouldn't be wishing I was free  
If it hadn't been, if it hadn't been for love

~WWW~

I walked the streets of London the next day. We had been up all night but Harry and Ginny had left to their apartment at 4 o'clock. I didn't come with them. I had this confusing feeling in my body and I needed some time to think about it. This night had been amazing and I was really glad Ginny had talked me into doing it.

I thought about her words as well. Asking myself why I had slept with him. It had felt like a good idea when it happened and Fred had been romantic and loving. It didn't felt like just sex. It felt like love. But what did I know; maybe my feelings had been rearranged during my trip. Maybe I thought love was sex. Maybe I just was nuts. How the hell had she known though? Had he told her? Had he bragged about me? Was that why she tried to stop me? I had so many questions and I didn't know how to answer them. I guessed I had to talk to Fred, but I didn't feel like discussing our event. That would be nothing but weird.

I dragged my sleepy arse to a breakfast diner and ordered Belgian pancakes; I had learnt that they were great. I ate in silence and only listened to the people in the café. I watched my reflection on the diner bar I was sitting at and sighed. My make-up wasn't as good as last night but it worked. I took the last bite when someone took the seat beside me. I smiled at the person but continued to look at my reflection.

"Been up all night?" the guy beside me asked

"Yeah…" I answered

"I saw you tonight. On the dance floor. You were glowing..."

"So you stalked me here?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. No, I went home long before you did. I just happen to live around here and saw you here when I walked in."

"Alright. Yeah, I stayed up all night and I'm eating breakfast right now." I said and pointed to my empty plate. What did he want? It felt weird being picked up in a breakfast diner.

"What's your name?" I took a look at him to see if I could trust him. He had blue eyes and blonde hair. He looked quite good.

"Hermione." I answered quietly. He didn't move an inch as many people did when they heard my name. It looked like he tasted the letters.

"Hermione…" he said out loud and pronounced it absolutely correct. I stared at him and smiled a little. He looked nice.

"What's your name?"

"Nathaniel." He answered, and smiled the cutest smile. I smiled back and shook his hand. "So you had fun last night, huh?" he asked. I laughed a bit and took a deep breath.

"Yeah I had. My girlfriend dragged me out." I didn't know how much to tell him. He was a total stranger and the war had made me watch every move.

"Sounds like fun. You're a bit tanned, been abroad?" I laughed silently and wondered how he got everything right.

"Yeah, been away for two years now. All around the globe actual-" I stopped myself in the middle of the sentence. Why did I tell him that? I didn't know why I felt so relaxed around him. I looked like a bloody mess and he wanted to talk to me. "-ly." I continued.

"Seems you're having trouble focusing this morning. I just came here to buy a coffee and then I got stuck talking to you. Would you mind walking me a bit back?" I looked at him in a very skeptic way that made him laugh. "I'm not going to rape you girl. You seem like a quite strong girl as well so don't worry. I just want to get to know you." I thought about for a second and I knew that I had my wand – just in case. I could easily pick his eyes out if my magic didn't work.

I stood up and we left the diner together. We talked a bit as we walked on the streets of London. He felt like a really nice person and I enjoyed talking to him. He asked for my number, but as I had been on foot for the last couple of years I hadn't really bought a phone. I asked for his address and name instead; telling him I was kind of old fashion. He smiled at my statement but accepted it without hesitation. Such a sweet guy. When we had walked to his staircase he told me 'this was it'. It felt like we had been on a date. I shook the feeling off.

"Nice!" I said

"Thanks," he answered and looked down on his shoes. "Well, it's been nice seeing you. You really did glow last night. Have a fantastic day, Hermione."  
"You too, Nathanial." We gave each other a couple of weird looks until I waved and turned around. I walked until no one saw me and apparated back to Ginny's apartment.

~WWW~

"You did what?"

"We just talked. He was really nice. His name is Nathaniel…" I tasted the name on my lips and it sounded more delicious the more I said it.

"And that's the reason you shouldn't have slept with FRED!" she screamed at me; she was furious and at the same time really happy. It was quite funny to watch.

"You did what?" It was Harry's turn to step inside.

"Oh no…"

"You slept with Fred? When?"

"The night before this…"

"Hermione!"

"Well I'm sorry Harry but it just happened."

"Sex does not just happen!"

"But it did."

"Well do you love him?"

"Of course I do. I have always loved him."

"Then what's the problem?" Harry asked

"What's the- Harry! She just met another guy!" Ginny still screamed

"Did you sleep with him as well?"  
"Harry! No! Of course not. I'm not the kind of person that jumps into bed with everyone."

"Apparently-"

"No! Fred is different. We've had sex before. A lot of times. So it's not weird."

"Thank you for giving me that image of my OWN BROTHER!"  
"You knew it Ginny, can you please stop the screaming?"

"I'm sorry. I just- I can't believe this just happened. Are you going to see Nathaniel?"

"No, not like that. I mean; sure he's a sweet guy but he's nothing compared to Fred. I need to talk to Fred."

"Yeah you do!" Both Ginny and Harry said. I smiled; they would always have my back but it was really funny to see them react in their own ways.

I took a shower and changed in to normal clothes. After I had said good bye to Ginny and Harry I apparated to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.

"Hermione!" I heard from behind and met George's embrace.

"Hi, where's Fred?"

"Oh he's out."

"Out?"

"Yeah, he just went. I think he went out to lunch with someone. I don't really know. What have you done the last day?"

"Ginny took me to a dance bar."  
"Sounds terrific. You should've let me come. I have the best dance moves."

"I'm sure you do," I laughed as he started to dance in the middle of the shop. "So do you know where I can find him?"

"Let's see. I think he went to magical restaurant; somewhere here in Diagon Alley. You would probably find him easily if you just looked. I have to take this," he said and pointed to some children who wanted to buy something. I smiled and waved at him as I went out from the shop. Who was Fred with? I wasn't really jealous; mostly curious. But I had to talk to him and it was urgent.

I walked through the Diagon Alley and I watched every house. It had taken a long time before the shops had been rebuilt after the war but now everything was intact. I had always loved to stroll here. I went in to a couple of restaurants but didn't see Fred anywhere. It wasn't until I came to the part of the alley where the weird shops began until I saw him. He crossed the street in a hurry and in to a restaurant. It was a nice one so I wasn't that surprised. I jogged towards the building and looked inside before I was about to enter; just to see where I would go. Then I saw it. Fred gave Miranda a kiss and took a place at her table. I took a couple of steps back. Bloody hell.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, any suggestions? :D Hugs and kisses!


	14. I found a boy

**Chapter 14 – I found a boy**

Couldn't help myself, you're too good to be true.  
I fall short each time,  
Every time he ain't here  
You and your charm creep closer  
Closer in here  
Like a fool for fire I fall, with my pride and all.  
Like a bomb before explosion,  
Ticking by your call,  
You're the wiser one, disguised from greed,  
And I'm just a child who belongs on her knees.

~WWW~

I came back to the Burrow directly after I had seen them. Had he fooled me? Had he used me for sex? I felt my magic leave my body as I thought about it. I tried to make some tea with my wand but failed. I was back to this life; once more. I poured myself some tea with an unsteady hand and sat down in a couch. No one was home so I had time to think without being bothered. I wanted to confront him; ask what the hell he was doing. But then again: we hadn't made a deal or even stated a relationship. He was free as a bird. As was I. My hands were shaking as I drank from the mug I was holding. I looked at the mug to think about something else. It was dark brown and quite soft to hold. Exactly… like… Fred. His soft dark brown eyes and his warm cuddly body that I used to sleep beside. He used to hold me in his big arms and he used to tell me that he would never let go. Had he done it with Miranda as well? Had he made her feel as safe as I had felt once? The thought made my inside wrench and I felt such hatred towards them both.

I thought about owling Nathaniel. For a spare second I didn't care that he would be scared by the bird but I tried to reason with myself. I wanted to tell Miranda that Fred and I had slept together, but what was the point of that? I didn't even know if I wanted Fred anymore and why should I destroy something they apparently had? My life was upside down and I was so angry. Why would he do this to me? Why did he sleep with me if he would go back to Miranda after just one day? It didn't make sense. My thoughts were killing me and I wanted everything to shut down. I tried to destroy something using my wand but out came only a puff. I screamed. I wanted out! But I didn't want to escape again; that wouldn't lead to anything. I was aware of that now. Plus I had already promised George to stay with him; I couldn't let George down. He was an angel. Why hadn't I fell for him instead? Or Ron, Harry, anybody. I would even take Ginny now; she would never hurt me. I stood with fists tied as knots and walked steady towards the fire place. I took some floo powder and flooed myself back to the Diagon Alley. I didn't want to be with wizards, or anyone who could recognize me, so I entered the muggle world as soon as I could. I felt myself walking towards the diner where I had met Nathaniel. I didn't know if I wanted to meet him, but I wanted to be somewhere I had been before. I needed something I could rely on. I ordered some tea and sat down at the bar again. I felt so foolish to come here; secretly hoping I would meet him.

~WWW~

I had been at the diner for an hour and my legs were about to fall asleep. I stood, paid and walked towards the door. I felt tears gathering in my eyes so I held my eyes low and only looked at my feet.

"Ouch!" I walked into someone, as I had a habit of doing, and I apologized quickly before I ran outside.

"Hermione! Hermione!" I heard my name being called and turned around without looking up. Tears had already begun to stream down my face. I tried to wipe it off but it only came more, and more. "Hermione? Woah, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" It was Nathaniel. Of course it was. Why was he here now?

"No, no. I'm sorry. No." I had no idea what I said or what I wanted to say.

"Don't say you're sorry. It's nothing to be sorry about. This may be hasty but do you want to talk about it? I'm good with people, I've been told."

"You've been told?"

"I'm training to be a psychiatrist. So yeah, you don't have to be ashamed. Come on." He led me away from the diner and to the street he was living on. I remembered it and tried to say something that didn't come out.

"What did you say?"

"Don't be a rapist" He stopped and looked at me in shock. Then a smile started on my lips and he laughed

"You have the weirdest sense of humor." I let him lead me through his doors and I was overwhelmed with the order and clean house.

"How old are you exactly?"

"I'm 25."

"Woah, yeah. I wouldn't doubt it."

"You're not?"

"Not what? I'm 21."

"Really?"

"Yeah?"

"Wow." He dumped me into a couch and wandered away into the kitchen. He shortly came back with tea. I just had some at the diner but didn't mind another cup. "Want to tell me why you storm away from a diner while crying?"

"It's such a long story." I didn't want to cry and seem pathetic in front of him. I needed him as revenge. Did I just think that? Bloody hell this messy triangle had made me worse than I thought. Maybe I just needed someone to talk to.

"A couple of years ago I dated a fantastic boy. We got engaged but soon after I found him cheating. I left England for two years and now, like a week ago, I came back. Somehow I drove his new fiancée out from his arms, slept with him and then caught him in the act – again. He claims he didn't cheat on me the first time but I won't trust him ever again." I sighed and thought that this was the weirdest explanation of my issues. But I had no other idea how to explain it. He looked at me; studied every inch of my body and then met my eyes.

"He's a fool for letting you go."

"He's a fool for making me want him."

"What do you want?"

"I have no idea. I don't want anything anymore." He took my hand over the table and held it. It felt good. He was so nice to me and it felt like he didn't want anything back from me. In a way Fred fixed me, but at the same time he broke me. "I expect too much."

"No you don't. You are worthy the same as any other. People shouldn't cheat or hurt each other."

"Why are you so nice to me? You hardly know me."

"Well," he began "You are special to me. I saw you on the dance floor and I couldn't keep my eyes from you. You're glowing when you are happy." I looked at my arms and hands.

"I'm not glowing at the moment." He smiled a broken smile and squeezed my hand.

"You're beautiful anyway." I covered a slight blush and took my hand back. I wasn't ready for another romance, or that this would get into a messy square.

"I'm not…"

"I know Hermione. I'm not trying to persuade you to me. I think you are a beautiful woman but I know now that you have trouble in paradise."

"Thanks Nathaniel. You're great." I really felt like there was something growing between us, maybe not romance, but I really felt like he and I could be something together.

"You want to make him jealous?"

"Bloody hell yeah!"

"Take me to your home."

"No."

"What? Why not?"

"It's complicated."

"Well I'm good with weird."

"No, yeah. No. I mean I know you are but no. This isn't … the home I'm living in right now is a bit far from your comfort zone." We talked a bit more, but I knew I had to leave soon enough. I didn't want them to think I'd run off again but I didn't want to go back either. I was so split between the choices I almost persuade myself to take Nathaniel with me. He walked me to his beautiful wooden door and gave me a soft kiss on my cheek as I left. My cheek felt hot afterwards.


	15. The lonely

**A/N:** I know I haven't updated daily the last couple of days but I had to listen to new music and decide what to do know. I thought about a whole new album but I couldn't find one that was sufficiently good. I have decided to use different artist and songs from now on that fit with the story. :) Hope you'll like it anyway! I got some tips about an artist called Christina Perri which I have used for this chapter! **The Lonely by Christina Perri**. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 15 – The lonely**

Dancing slowly in an empty room,  
Too afraid to go inside  
For the pain of one more loveless night.  
But the loneliness will stay with me  
And hold me til I fall asleep.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.  
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

~WWW~

I walked back to the Diagon Alley and took the last remaining floo powder and flooed myself back to the Burrow. I sat down in the couch once again and tried to make myself calm. I tried to put on the best smile and I thought I did a good job. One second later I got company by Ron; he came down from the stairs and greeted me. He walked past me, without looking at me, and right in to the kitchen. I continued to sit and waited for him to return. When he did and saw me; he stopped. He examined me with his eyes and then sighed.

"What happened now?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're sulking with the most fake smile ever." I snorted at his comment but dropped the smile. I didn't know he could see my emotions that well.

"I don't know what to do anymore."

"I don't know what has happened now but you have to let him go now. He's done too much harm for you to give him anything."

"You know what happened, right?"

"Ginny filled me in."

"Great…"

"Why are you sad now though?"

"He…" I broke down again. "He kissed her"  
"Again?"

"Yeah"

"Hermione it's time to fight back."

"Sure. Yeah. That's the solution to every problem."

"I'm serious! Bloody hell, just do it!"

"With who?"

"Anyone!"

"I don't want to. I don't feel like hurting anyone. I just want to be free again."

"You're not yourself anymore."

"I know."

"Let me make you something to eat first." Ron offered and once again disappeared. I sighed and looked at my arms once more. I wanted to glow again, but I didn't want to glow because of revenge. I wasn't that kind of a person. I used to be smart and kind. I used to be.

~WWW~

Later that night it was once again dinner time and Ron had apparently owled Ginny and Harry and had asked them to join us. He understood that I needed guards. We ate dinner in silence but neither George nor Fred was present at the dinner. I wished I knew why but I could only guess.

My friends later dragged me to Ron's room and Ginny took out a pen and paper.

"What is going on?"

"We have to make up a plan."

"A plan for what?"  
"We're doing a scheme"

"No…" They couldn't do this… "No! I don't want to hurt him!"

"We won't harm him. We're just making him a bit jealous. And you don't have to sleep with anyone. A flirty laugh, a simple kiss or something."

"Ginny!"

"Don't put the blame on my. Only. The others agreed!" I sighed and shook my head. I didn't want to do this.

"You can't do anything without me."

"Exactly. That's why you're here."

"How are you going to make me kiss someone then? The imperious curse?" I laughed at my last question but quickly stopped when they looked serious at me. "Are you serious? That's illegal!" They still looked at me seriously but then Harry broke in to smile and they all laughed.

"I'm sorry" Harry squeezed in between his laughs. "You should've seen your face!"

"Guys! That's not even funny."

"Sorry Hermione but it was just a joke."

"Can we get on with it?"

"Oh so you're onboard?"

"I'm not saying yes; I just want to know what you have in mind."

"Alright," Ron started "We have narrowed it done to a few. Harry is occupied, so you can't do it with him. As with George. We've thought about Ginny, who also is occupied, as well but we didn't know if Fred would see it as a threat."

"I wouldn't mind her though." They all smiled at my statement and Ginny gave me a wink.

"We know." Harry took over. "What about Ron?" I swallowed.

"I don't know…"

"I'm not hot enough honey?"

"It's not that," I winked "You're like a brother to me. As is Harry." I sighed… "I'm not sure if this is a good idea. I don't want to confuse him. He'll know that this is a scheme if I'm flirting with any of you."

"Then bring the new guy!" Ginny exclaimed

"He's not really used to the magic thing…"

"He's a muggle?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah, what did you think?"

"I- I don't know."

"I went to him today. We talked, and he's such a perfect guy. I don't want anything though but he actually offered himself as bait."

"Then there we have it!" Ron said and smiled broadly.  
"He's a muggle Ronald"

"We'll go to a bar with everyone outside from Diagon Alley." Harry said

"Not mom and dad!"

"No, not your parents. So I'll invite him, explain the deal and then what?"

"We have a couple of drinks and then you two laugh and flirt with each other."

"How do we make Fred see everything?"

"Leave that to me." Ron answered and smiled with a mischief on his face. He looked a lot alike his twin brothers. Such a scary thought.

"Alright, so we have a deal?"

"I don't know why we are doing this. But bloody hell; nothing can get worse than this. Let's!" We joined hands and smiled at each other, and all together we said "deal!"

We agreed on doing it the next night. We had to have some time to prepare, but not too far away from the present. Ginny and I had to go shopping for another dress that would fit my body better. The other dresses were okay but I wasn't so comfortable in them; my body had, as all of us knew, increased in size. I didn't want to go at first but Ginny convinced me that we would do it the first thing in the morning. The guys talked quietly and whispered about their plans. I didn't really want to know.

~WWW~

When I later lay in my bed I wondered about the twins. I had thought that at least George would've visited the Burrow. He had seen so happy to see me earlier. I didn't know if Fred had spotted me outside of the restaurant but I didn't think so. If he hadn't: why hadn't he come here or owled me? We had spent the night together and everything was so confusing to me. I felt like another person that everyone tried to make into their own Hermione. It was hurtful; I didn't even know who the real Hermione was anymore and everyone tried to shape me into something I was a long time ago.

I cried for a couple of hours and couldn't sleep. I wanted to talk to Nathaniel. He was the only one that didn't have any expectations about how I should behave. But I couldn't owl him. He was a muggle, and I didn't have a phone. I doubted anyone in this house had one. Even if they did; I only had his name and address. I decided to at least write a letter; even if I didn't send it I would get my feelings out on paper. It had always helped when I went to Hogwarts: writing and thinking.

_Dear Nathaniel._

_Please do not be scared how this letter appeared; let us just say I have my methods that are completely legal and not in a stalkish kind of way. I told you my way of living was weird, and this is just the beginning._

_Back to the reason I am writing to you tonight though. It is that I have so many feelings I need to share with someone. You are the only one who doesn't have expectations in me, and for that I am grateful. My greatest question now as I lay awake in a dark room is 'who am I?'. The Hermione that I used to be is not the girl who is standing here in front everyone today; which brings my friends to great question marks. Who do you think I am? I am certainly not glowing anymore and not the person who danced in to the late hours in what now seems to be decades ago. I need answers to questions only the future can tell. _

_I'm visiting you tomorrow, with my friend, to tell you about a scheme they have arranged. Your ideas you talked about earlier are rather current. Please have a good night of sleep and know that I don't expect an answer. _

_Your friend, Hermione. _

I rolled the letter into a tiny paper roll and attached it to Mrs. Weasley's owl. I told the bird to only deliver the letter if a window was open and the owl itself could place the letter in Nathaniel's apartment. The owl quickly flew out when it had been given the address. I once again lay on my bed and sighed. This was it.


	16. Best for last

**A/N:** This chapter I have used a song from Adele's first album 19. It is called Best for last. Hope you enjoy it!

**And also:** I'm going to write a one-shot for myself_ (yep I'm that ego haha!)_ tonight because tomorrow (May 14th) is my birthday. And guess what? I'm turning 18. If you have me on author alert you'll see when I publish it. Hint: Fred, Fred, Fred. ;)

Thank you so much for your reviews. Hope you have a great day today and tomorrow. I certainly will :D xoxo

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**Chapter 16 – Best for last**

You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free  
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me

But, despite the truth that I know  
I find it hard to let go and give up on you  
Seems I love the things you do  
Like the meaner you treat me more eager I am  
To persist with this heartbreak, running around

~WWW~

The first thing I thought about when I awoke the next morning was remorse. Why did I have to owl Nathaniel? If he had seen the bird I was screwed. If he hadn't: how would I explain it? The worst thing was that Ginny and I had to go to him today and ask if he would be my fake-date. This was going to be such a difficult day. I got dressed, skipped any make-up and went downstairs to the breakfast table. I met George in the stairs and I gave him a warm smile without hesitation. When he had walked past me I stopped and thought about what just had happened.

"George!" He turned around when he heard his name being called

"Yep?"

"Why are you here?"

"This is the house I grew up in you know?"

"Well I didn't mean it like that. I mean: why are you here now and not last night?"

"Ginny owled me early this morning asking me and Fred to come. She has some suggestion or something… I don't know. I just have to use the loo. Wait for me!" I nodded and braced myself. Fred was downstairs. I hadn't any make-up and my hair was probably a mess. Additionally I was only dressed in an oversized t-shirt. I was a mess but I didn't want to go upstairs and change now. I was almost at the bottom of the stairs. I took the final steps and entered the kitchen.

"Morning, love." I heard from the stove and met Ron's gaze. I smiled and greeted him. He went over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek that lingered a few seconds more than usual. I raised an eyebrow but he whispered quietly "play with me" and then I saw Fred sitting further down the kitchen eating. He had seen the kiss though and quickly turned his head to the newspaper in front of him when he had seen my look. I smirked. Ron was a genius! I heard him whisper a few more words "lucky you: you're looking sexy in that t-shirt". A blush started on my cheeks and I let a giggle slip; mostly for show.

Filled with confidence from Ron's comment I took extra-long time to make my breakfast. I bent over when I looked after something and my shirt almost showed a bit of my panties. It was a funny feeling to play with this and Ron's appreciated looks gave me more and more confidence. When Ron walked out from the kitchen he let his fingers slide on my back and I let myself giggle. I saw Fred's frustration but I continued to eat. Bananas were such a great fruit! I was bending over the sink when George walked into the kitchen and gave me a wholf-whistle. I smiled and giggled really girly and I received a wink from him. He didn't even know what I was doing but he played along well all the same. I heard Fred clear his throat and I left the kitchen smiling feeling sexy and confident. Maybe the evening wouldn't be such a bad idea.

~WWW~

Ginny and I left to the muggle part of London to get some nice clothes. I had told her about my missing magic and she had let me apparate side-long with her. I was getting more and more used to the nausea apparating side-long was giving me. We decided to go to Nathaniel's apartment first but I had to locate where we were first. It took a while but after a few minutes we were off in the right direction. When we walked along his street I looked inside the diner to see if he was there but he wasn't. I was somehow relieved. I didn't want to run into him at the diner again, that felt so foolish. We went to his wooden door and I just stood. Ginny looked at me with confusion but decided to knock herself. I took a deep breath just in time as Nathaniel opened the door.

"Hermione!" he exclaimed happily and then looked at Ginny and said "and who is this lovely woman?" Ginny looked at me in surprise but lit up like a light bulb.

"Ginny!" she held out her hand they shook hands.

"What brings you here today?" Nathaniel asked and it seemed like he didn't know about the letter. I relaxed a bit and took another deep breath before I started to talk. I explained everything while he led us through some rooms. We sat down in the kitchen and he laughed at the idea telling me he knew I would come back and ask for it. I smiled, he was a sweet heart. He agreed and asked about the details which Ginny provided for. I wasn't allowed to hear everything so she sent me out from the room. I took the time to wander about and casually looked for the letter I had written. The same second I found it laying on his bed half open, but read, Ginny called for me. I was once again tense when I walked back to the kitchen. We left, and I gave Nathaniel a stiff hug and thanked him for doing this for me. Ginny dragged me back to the main part of London and we went shopping. I tried to push the letter out from my head as we tried on a lot of dresses. When we found THE dress we paid and returned to the Burrow.

~WWW~

I arrived at Nathaniel's apartment at half past eleven. We had agreed on a late night, but the others had been at the pub we were heading to for a little while. Ginny needed to make sure that Fred was drinking: he was a little easier to make jealous then. Nathaniel took time to complement my dress and smiled his most charming smile.

"Are you ready?" I asked

"Not yet… If we're going to flirt all night I need to know what I'm pretending to fight for." I didn't understand what he meant but all the sudden his lips were on mine and they lingered with a warm touch. I was taken aback from his surprise but I couldn't let the feeling go. It was nice and it felt somehow real. "You're almost glowing again…" he commented.

"Let's make him pay."

We walked to the pub and he opened the door to me. I walked in first without his companionship and it felt like a film. The others were placed in a perfect spot to not miss anyone who came from the door. I got a call from Ron and I waved to the others as I took of my coat and reviled my dress. George gave me another wolf-whistle and I smirked. On cue, Nathaniel walked in and took my arm. I giggled and we walked to the bar.

"Hi guys! I brought a friend with me, hope that's okay!" I started and played the "innocent-me." Everyone greeted him and then the compliments exploded.

"Hermione you look delicious, you have to spare me one dance!"

"Woah honey. Can't believe you were the ugly duckling before!"

"If I were a man I'd do you in a second!" the last one from Ginny made me laugh out loud. I ordered a drink and let the evening go on.

I flirted and giggled visibly with Nathaniel and he played his part well. He sometimes laid his hand on my thigh and I blushed when he winked at me. I saw from the corner of my eye that Ron and Fred were talking a bit further away. I dragged Nathaniel out on the dance floor so I could hear their conversation. I know Ron had some plan about Fred and I was eager to hear it. We danced together and I let Nathaniel hold me as we did it. I decided it was time to listen.

"Don't you agree?"

"Ron come on. Yeah, sure."

"Yeah she's fine. I was so surprised this morning… she looked bloody sexy in that shirt."

"What do you want Ron? Hear me say it? Yeah I know. I bloody proposed to her a couple of years ago, remember?"

"I'm just saying. If you're not showing her your interest; you probably have to look out. You have some competition here and I'm not just talking about Nathaniel."

"Such a stupid nam-" Fred began and I looked up at Nathaniel to see if he listened as well. He smirked at me and I giggled into his shoulder. He enjoyed this as much as I did. "Who else?" Fred continued.

"I'm just sayin-"

"Who? You? You actually think you'd had a shot with her?"

"More than you I reckon!" Fred snorted at Ron's comment but I saw on his face that he was worried. I didn't even know why he was worried, he had probably Miranda sitting at home waiting for him and he was worried I had admirers? Such a git.

I focused on the dancing with Nathaniel and it was really nice having someone that took care of me without any expectations. I shuddered when he began to kiss my neck and I smirked. I loved being the center of attention. We danced, laughed and talked for almost two hours. I had so much fun and it felt like Nathaniel had a great time as well. I owed him big time! It didn't seem like he had read my letter even though I saw it was opened. I tried to push the feeling of confusion way as Nathaniel tried to teach me a certain dance. I laughed at my clumsiness and I was almost happy. I almost glowed again when someone else tapped on my shoulder. When I turned around to see who the intruder was I became startled and every inch of glowing disappeared. My eyes fell to the floor.  
"Do you mind if I take it from here?" Fred asked.


	17. Cosmic love

**A/N:** Sorry for the late update. It's soon summer holiday so I have a lot of exams right now. I'm trying to update as quickly as I can! :) Hope you don't mind. This time I have used **Florence + The Machine** with their song Cosmic love. Hope you like it! I'm still searching for music to the fics so if you know a song, tell me! :D xoxo

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**Chapter 17 – Cosmic Love**

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat  
I tried to find the sound  
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,  
So darkness I became

~WWW~

"What are you doing?"

"I'm just dancing"

"You could've picked someone else"

"I like to feel your body" from these words I let go and withdrew from Fred.

"Pervert!"

"Oh please. I'm just joking Hermione." I took a quick look at the sides and saw Nathaniel and Ron studying me on the dance floor. Fred took a step forward and he was an inch from my face. I could smell his wonderful scent and his brown eyes pierced me with its fire. He let his fingers through my hair as he had a habit of doing. It looked so natural and easy but it felt stiff and somewhat wrong. He bent forward, brushing my hair from my ear and whispered:

"You're very beautiful."

"Are you trying to seduce me?" I whispered back. He grabbed my hips and we started to dance again.

"I have never tried. I just do." He said still quietly. I smirked but tried to hide it. He was quick with his words and I had always admired that. We danced slowly; almost just turning on the same spot slowly. I didn't know if this was the way the night would've turned out but maybe I needed this.

"I'm losing my mind, you know."

"You've lost it ages ago."

"You're not good for me."

"Who's the new kid?"

"He's not a kid. He's older than you."

"Looking for elder men now are we?"

"Oh shut it!"

"Nathaniel. Who names their kid Nathaniel?"

"I think it's beautiful."

"And you've always fallen for the right things…" it was mostly a statement but it felt like a question as well. Was he questioning my long lost love for him? I looked into his eyes and searched them for answers. Sadly, he avoided eye contact.

"What made you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Stop acting innocent." He finally met my gaze and just as I did he searched my eyes for answers. It was something we had used before when we knew each other impeccably. He saw my sadness and I tried to send out hatred. I didn't hate him. I was just so stupidly angry. I saw that he decided not to answer my question.

I moved us, still dancing, backwards away from the bar and everyone's ears. It was darker here and the music wasn't as loud.

"I need to tell you something" I almost whispered and he leaned closer to me. "You know…" I trailed my fingers on his neck and met his goose bumps that were forming. I placed my lips on his neck and he hummed and sighed at the same time, almost moaning. "I…" I let my fingers through his hair. "Never…" my lips met his collar bone and he sighed loudly. We had stopped dancing and I was standing on my toes to reach. "I never want to see you again." I let him go and walked away from him; leaving him alone in the darkness.

"We're leaving" I said to the others in the bar, and Ron and Nathaniel quickly stood and followed me out.

~WWW~

The three of us was sitting in Nathaniel's apartment and drinking tea to make us warm.

"Do you mind if I sleep here tonight? I'll probably fit perfectly here on the coach!"

"The idea of letting you two out in the cold and darkness to go home isn't as thrilling as you can think. You both are most certainly welcome to sleep here." It was nice being with muggles. They thought of your safety more than any wizard would. Any older wizard could apparate and in 30 seconds be wherever you wanted to be, but muggles doesn't have that luck. It takes time to move across a city with only your legs. I mumbled thanks and exchanged a discrete look with Ron; he was probably thinking the same thing about apparating.

"Oh…" I said out loud

"What?" both asked in choir which made me smile.

"I don't have anything to sleep in."

"That can be arranged!"

"I'm not letting you out to buy anything" I said and tried to have the same tone as he had earlier.

"No… My sister sleeps here sometimes. I have a "girl-set" that you can use. Ron you can use a t-shirt of mine if you want."

"Thanks man"

"A girl-set? You sure it's not your girlfriend's?"

"I told you Hermione, I don't have a girlfriend." I accepted the weird girl-set but thought about the girlfriend thing. He had never said anything about not having a girlfriend, and neither having one. I had just assumed he didn't have one. He hadn't said anything about anything. I hardly knew anything about him; I had been so ego that I only had talked about myself. I had to change that. Ron and I took a couch each and he fell asleep quickly as a goat.

When I had laid awake for an hour or two, I had lost count, I got up and wandered around the apartment. I was nervous and calm at the same time. I couldn't believe that I had told Fred that I never wanted to see him again. But it was the truth. He played with both me and Miranda and I was not the one to play. No one drives Hermione Granger into darkness. I stood by a large white window and scanned the night life. It was getting colder out now in the night and the darkness fell earlier. The warmth inside of here made me safe and I felt oddly at home. I daydreamt when two hands crept close to me and held me.

"Thank you" I whispered out in the darkness and I leaned closer into his arms which were warm and safe. "This feels like home."

"Maybe it is."

"I'm not sure."

"Neither am I."

~WWW~

The next morning we ate a silent and quick breakfast before we went to the Burrow. I had eventually fallen asleep on the couch but the hours of the night flew quickly by and it was soon morning. Ron took me to the Burrow and we appeared in his room. I thanked him and placed myself on the bed.

"What have I done?"

"It's a good thing Hermione."  
"No. It's not. I must've split your whole family up. I don-"

"It doesn't matter honey. We've got your back, you know that!"

"Yeah. But I don't want to lose the rest of you guys, but he is family to you and I'm not. Not the slightest."

"Hermione…" he pleaded

"Seriously Ronald! I can't be with you guys if…"

"If what?" Ron understood my serious tone now.

"If I want to be with you, my friends, I have to see Fred. And probably Miranda too. Not every day of course but your mom often serves family dinners."

"But…"  
"I'm not saying I don't want to be with you guys. You are the best people I've ever met. I know I won't live here forever, but I don't have any place to go. My mom and dad don't have room for me in their apartment. I don't have any money to live on my own."

"What are you saying Hermione?"

"I don't know… Maybe I don't belong here. Maybe I should forget about being a witch and live a normal life. I can't do any magic anymore so that's just fare."

"So what?" Ron began to scream, "You're going to leave us – again? Let us feel the worry and sadness your absence brought us? No! I'm not letting you. You're staying here. End of discussion."

"But Ronald…"

"No but's."

"I can't see Fred anymore. It'll be like smoking cigarettes. It would eventually kill me."

"You don't have to see him."

"This is his home more than it'll ever be mine…"

"Did Nathaniel make an offer or something?"

"An offer?"

"To live with him?"

"What? No. I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about myself."

"Please talk to Harry before you do anything irrational again."

"I-"

"Yes! It's not your turn to decide anymore. You did your thing for two years, but what did that bring you?"

"I-"

"Nothing but trouble in paradise – again. I agree that it'll be difficult to meet him again. But we can work through it. We're taking him down, but you're not going down with him."


	18. Homesick

**A/N:** This is a special chapter. Just for you! Thank you for your kind and inspiring reviews. I made it possible for anonymous people to review now, and if there's any of that kind out there I hope you like it as well. :) This time I used **Homesick by Sleeping at last**. xoxo

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**Chapter 18 - Homesick**

If love's elastic, then were we born to test its reach?  
Is it buried treasure or just a single puzzle piece?  
It's poison ivy beneath our brave and trusting feet  
All revelations come to us in recovery  
Cry wolf, cry mercy, cry the name of the one you were raised to believe  
Cry heart, cry yourself to sleep, cry a storm of tears if it helps you breathe  
It helps you, if it helps you breathe

~WWW~

_Fred's point of view. _

I was lying in my bed. The clock was turning to an oddly high number but I had no desire of getting up. George had been yelling at me several times but I wasn't able to get up. My whole life had flashed before my eyes the whole night and nothing seemed right. The only thing that was the turn of light before was Hermione's happiness. What did I have now? When she smiled and laughed, and glowed, she was something no one ever could compete with. I thought of the first time I saw her and smiled to myself. The sorting hat calling "Gryffindor!" and she had run smiling towards our table with her fluffy hair blowing by the wind her steps made. I sighed by the ache of the memory. Neither she nor I could've predicted what was coming our way. The secret smiles and the secret glances that later came across our minds. Eventually the secret meetings at night in the common room… Everything had made sense back then. The only thing we knew was love and not even the war had separated us. Later when we grew older and had stood by the beautiful lake I had proposed. Her laugh and blush had made me want to snog her senseless. It all seemed to be so many years from now. And what is it? A decade. I have loved Hermione Granger in different ways in a decade. I loved everything about Hermione Granger. I bloody loved her and I had let her slip through my fingers. What the fuck had I done? I kicked the wall and roared in anger. It hurt my feet but I continued it. It was nice to feel pain. I needed pain. I couldn't believe I had let her go away like that. I was such an idiot. Why had she told me she never wanted to see me again? I couldn't figure it out. I had spent the whole night crying while trying to fall asleep. I didn't love Miranda anymore. She had to know that. I loved her hair, I loved her fingers, her laugh, her smile, how her lips curl up when she concentrate or that she's the greatest control freak I've ever known. I wish I had her. Here. I wish I could tell her that I would do anything for her. I would fight for her.

I pushed myself out from the bed and slowly walked into the kitchen where George was cleaning from his breakfast.

"Morning sleepyhead, a lot to drink last night?"

"No."

"I reckon you're in need of tea"

"Why does she hate me?"

"Who?"

"Hermione. Who else?"

"Why would she hate you?"

"Don't you understand? She has been silent as a bunny for days now, and then she arrives at the bar with some fancy man dancing all night with him."

"You danced with her."

"I stole her. And she rejected me harshly."

"What?"

"She told me she didn't want to see me anymore. That's not clear enough?"

"Oh…"

"Bloody hell I hate this shit!"

"Do you really love her, man?"

"You if anyone should know it!"

"Do you?"

"Bloody hell yes!"

"Are you sure?"

"I can't even believe what changed her mind. We had an amazing night before."

"Did you have sex?"

"Seriously, we made love. We didn't have sex. We made love! I felt it!"

"Fred,"

"What?"

"Remember your lunch with a certain person?"

"What?"

"Your lunch with Miranda."

"What about it?"  
"She came by the shop that day. Hermione I mean. She asked about you."

"Don't say you said I was with Miranda?"

"No, I didn't. I said you were out eating lunch. I said I didn't know anything more."

"Why is she angry then?"

"Erhm," George cleared his throat "She went out looking for you."

"So? Even if she had seen us it was nothing but a lunch to decide what to do with our apartment. We didn't eve-"

"What?"

"What time did she come by?"

"Just 5 minutes after you had left I reckon."

"You think she saw us?"

"I don't know. But why would she be so angry about a lunch?"

"I kissed Miranda on the cheek when I arrived."

"Oh."

~WWW~

_Hermione's point of view. _

I belonged to the place between sleep and awake. It's a place where you still remember your dreams. I like it there. Nothing is difficult. It is only dreams and hopes. I was lying in my silent place and remembered my dream. It was beautiful, and not so much a dream but a memory. My dream belonged to the past where my life had been so simple, yet tough in another way. I loved challenges and I had been eager to win the war. But the life I was living in now was more than dreadful. Not a second would go by where Fred didn't invade my thoughts. The memory had been beautiful though. It was summer and Fred and I had been swimming by the lake. I had put on a beautiful summer dress but Fred had seemed nervous. I remembered him not swimming far away from the shore; always guarding the picnic basket. When we had left the water and I was sitting on the sand sun bathing Fred had made my stand up. I had smirked when he had kissed me. I had smiled when he dried the water from my face and neck. I had laughed when he had picked me up and twirled me around. Then his face had become serious and he had bent down and placed himself on one knee. I had blushed when he proposed. I had never loved a man that much before, neither after.

"Sweetheart, it's time to get up!" it was Ron who disturbed my peaceful sleep. When I arrived back to the awake I became aware of the dream. As it was nothing but a faraway memory.

"Why do we have to go to Harry's?"

"Because he is your best mate and you should listen to him."

"You're my best mate as well…"

"Yeah, but you're not listening to me."

"Why do you believe I would listen to Harry?"

"Because he's Harry."

I got up and dressed quickly. I didn't mind dressing in Ron's presence. He was like a brother to me.

"Did you mean what you said yesterday?"

"About you fighting back? Yeah!"

"No… I mean the part of me being sexy?"

"Oh, you heard that?" Ron smirked, "Yeah of course. You're always sexy honey. And beautiful, cute and always smart. My best friend and sister. You're everything." Encouraged by his words I walked downstairs feeling good about myself. Maybe I should fight back. We ate a quick breakfast and then apparated us to Harry and Ginny's place.

"Hermione! Ron!" Ginny exclaimed and hugged us both at the same time. I smiled and hugged back. I almost forgot every time I wasn't with them how important they were to me. How could I ever think of running away again?

"We are in need of a serious talk." Ron stated with his most serious tone. It made Ginny drop the smile, call Harry to the room and wave her wand to the tea pot. It started making tea just like it was being held. We took place in their couch. Couches were such great furniture.

"Well the bar was both a success and not. Fred got truly jealous, Hermione played her part well but she also stated that she never want to see him again."

"Good for you, Hermione!"

"This isn't a good thing because that affects the whole family. We can't protect Hermione with Fred around. But we can't live without Fred, that's just not an option. Even if he's a dick."

"So what are we going to do?"

"That's why we came here." I answered

"You're the brainy one!" Harry said

"Well not anymore."

"Let's bring him down even more!"

"I'm not the one who makes someone suffer. That's his job. Not mine."

"Seriously Hermione. How are you going to do this then?"

"I don't know!"

"Why don't you talk to him like a normal person?"

"I'm not interested in his excuses. He is too good with his lies. I'm not falling for that one again."

"You can stay at out apartment for a while honey. We'll protect you no matter what."

"I don't want to intrude…"

"That's okay, you can help us with Teddy as payment!" Ginny laughed

"Alright. Yeah, maybe that'll help."

"Then it's settled. You're moving in!" I smiled and thanked them. But the only thing I truly wanted was to go home. Home to Fred's arms and sleep this dreadful nightmare away. I was so homesick.


	19. Love the way you lie

A/N: I AM SO SORRY THAT IT HAS TAKEN SOOOO LONG! I have final exams right now and it's a lot on the line... you know - getting grades and stuff. But here it is. I hope you like it! It's **Eminem ft. Rihanna - Love the way you lie.**

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Chapter 19 – Love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is  
I can only tell you what it feels like  
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe  
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight  
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight  
High off of love, drunk from my hate,  
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate

~WWW~

It had been days since anyone mentioned his name or I even saw his face. I hadn't talked to Nathaniel for that long as well. I was being fed, played with by Teddy and tucked in at night at Ginny and Harry's. It had felt great in the beginning. But we talked about everything except the one thing I really wanted to talk about. Him. Fred. The twin. The fantastic boy. The master of mischief. The biggest mistake and heartache of my life, but the love of my life as well. I was so tired of thinking about him and not being able to talk about him, or with him, that I was getting sick. Ginny didn't want Teddy to catch a cold so she had brought him back to Androdema. It was boring without the little boy's funny questions.

"You have hardly been outside. I can't understand why you are sick, Hermione." Ginny stated and looked worried. I remembered reading in a book somewhere that you could get sick by keeping all your feelings inside and I almost believed it now. I didn't want to worry Ginny, though, so I didn't answer her.

I lied in my bed and was bored. What could I do now? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I thought about writing another letter to Nathaniel. I hadn't heard anything from him about the letter but I knew he had read it. It was so weird, and he didn't even know how to contact me! Wow – I was so stupid! It had been days since we saw each other and I hadn't even thanked him for letting Ron and I use his apartment. I decided to write a letter.

"_Nathaniel!_

_I am so sorry for not writing to you earlier, and neither visiting you. Thank you so much for your hospitality, it meant a lot to us. I have been kept hostage at Ginny and Harry's. At least it feels like that sometimes… Now I have become sick and I have no idea what to do. Not just today, but you know… over all__. __Maybe I'm just in need of nice company and a cup of tea. Are you interested with some you and I-time plus a cup of tea? Meet me at the Pink Flower's teahouse tomorrow at two o'clock. It's not far from your home and it felt like a new place than our "usual" ought to be nice. I hope I'll see you._

_Hermione._

_And P.S. – don't be suspicious about the letter's arrival. It's just the way I work."_

I read the letter a couple of times and felt embarrassed. It was childish and stupid, but I didn't want to be formal and uptight with him. Not him, I wanted him to see me – and maybe I was a bit childish sometimes. I called Ginny's owl, since Harry hadn't been emotionally ready yet to buy a new one after Hedwig, and let it take my letter to Nathaniel with the same description I gave the last bird. I lay back in the bed again, closed my eyes and slumbered to sleep.

~WWW~

The next morning I woke up late and was feeling so much better. My headache was gone and I was almost like normal. I made myself a steady breakfast while singing to a song. Ginny and Harry was nowhere to be found; it almost felt relaxing not having them around me all of the time. I loved them dearly but sometimes it was too much. I ate in silence but when I was done I started to sing again. I hadn't sung since the last time I was happy so it felt like I was trying to make myself happy again. I washed the plates by hand, even if I could sing I could not use magic, and when I was about to dry the last one I jumped by the sound of a crack. George was standing beside me and he was smiling.

"I knew you were kept hostage somewhere." Did I have the same humor as George? This was bad. I kept drying the plate even though it was already dry, and I sang. I didn't want George to take this away from me. George stood and looked at me while I was drying the plate and singing. At first it had felt okay but after a while the drying felt forced, which it had been since the beginning, and I dropped it. I took off my apron I was using when I washed. I sang and went into the living room; feeling George's steps behind me. I remembered before when I was with Fred. George and I had always sung together. He had such a great voice but he hadn't the courage to sing with anyone but me. I wished he would sing now, maybe that would help me speak. I changed into a song he knew and kept the beat with my foot. I turned around and I was facing him when I sang. We challenged each other when our eyes met and he took a deep breath. He took tune with me and we were standing in front of each other; just singing. It was beautiful and our voices sounded absolutely fantastic with each other. We hadn't sung like this for years and the both of us was smiling even broader and broader as the words came out. I loved it. This was amazing. I had forgotten about the great things we used to do. I took a step closer to him when the song was almost over but didn't let his eyes go. When the last word was sung there was a silence. It wasn't forced or unpleasant. It was a beautiful silence that made our duet even more powerful. I crept into George's embrace and rested against his chest. It was warm and cozy; this was home, this was right. I sighed and didn't want to let go.

"I love you honey."

"Love you too little cow." It was an old nickname I had used a long time ago and I felt him chuckle. This was friendship.

~WWW~

"But why not?"

"Seriously George I don't have the strength."

"Come on…" We were talking about having a dinner with all of the family again, including me. They somehow included me when they were talking about family.

"No. I'm sorry. I can't face him. It's too much. I've been so sad for so long and he's done nothing but hurt me."

"You can't be sure of that!"

"Well I am hurt. How's that for a proof?"

"What I meant is you have never known his intentions. Have you ever talked about anything?"

"I don't want to listen to his lies, George."

"What if he's not lying?"

"Why are you here? If you're here on Fred's accord I would like you to go back to him and say it's too late."

"I'm here because I miss you."

"I miss you too but I'm not seeing Fred again. That's why I'm here. He won't come here."

"Sure?"

"Don't you make…"

"I'm just kidding. I would never do that to you darling. But it's always funny to mess with your brain." I snorted at his comment and looked at the clock, it was almost half past one.

"I'm supposed to meet someone in half an hour, would you be a sweetheart and give me a lift?" He smiled and nodded. I gathered our cups and placed them in the sink. I didn't have time to wash them by hand now so I let them be. I went back to George, grabbed my purse and a jacket and then his arm.

"Where to Madame?" and we apparated.

~WWW~

I was left off in the Diagon Alley; it was always tricky to apparate into the muggle London so I quickly thanked George with a hug and then moved myself through the crowd and out to the real London. I walked a bit and then I knew it was Pink Flower's teahouse around the bend.

"Hermione!" I stopped. Did I just hear my name being called? I turned around and looked in every direction but I couldn't see anyone. I must've heard wrong. I continued to walk and when I had turned the bend I saw Nathaniel standing outside. I almost ran and lunged myself into his arms. He laughed and twirled us around and we landed vice versa as we had started the twirl. Then I saw Fred standing a bit away, just standing with his arms down like they were heavy. He seemed hurt.


	20. Tired

A/N: I'm sorry it takes so long for me to publish. I'm trying I promise! I'm going to Spain tomorrow for a week so I don't think I'll have time to publish then. But after that the story will get truly juicy! Have you seen that you can make images for your stories? SO COOL! If anyone of you would like to make a image to the story I would be DELIGHTED! :D I love you. Thank you for your kind reviews. xxx

So this is a song from Adele's album 19. **Adele - Tired.**

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**Chapter 20 – Tired**

Where'd you go when you stayed behind?  
I looked up and inside down and outside only to find  
A double taking punching heartache laughing at my smile  
I get closer you obviously prefer her

I'm tired of trying  
Your teasing ain't enough  
Fed up of buying your time  
When I don't get nothing back  
And for what, and for what, and for what

~WWW~

I had such a great time with Nathaniel at the teahouse. I had rushed inside after seeing Fred standing on the curb. We talked about everything and it felt so easy just to chat. I really admired his way of knowing what to talk about and say. He didn't even mention the note even though I knew he had read it; he wouldn't be there if he hadn't. So he was a gentleman. He knew I would tell him when I was ready; if there was a ready-thing in the wizarding world. At first when I saw him I was always taken aback by his gorgeous face and I always felt so attracted to him. But the more we talked the more I knew I didn't like him; not like _that_ anyway. He was a perfect, but gorgeous, friend and nothing more. We actually discussed this issue and he agreed with me, not in the hurt kind of way but just confirming my thoughts. We really liked each other, but he was my friend. Nowadays I can get friends easily and they are fantastic. But what about love? I have never loved anyone else than Fred and now I can't even understand how he loved me. If he ever did. I shouldn't blame him for cheating on me, hurting me or leaving me. I was, or am, a bloody mess, ugly as hell and too bossy for anyone to appreciate. I sighed.

Now, I was sitting on a bench in the Diagon Alley. I wasn't at the most crowded part because I needed a place to be. I didn't have any floo powder and no magic left to apparate. I was stuck in Diagon Alley. I could go to the twin's shop, but I would only do that in an emergency. I didn't want to see Fred, but I didn't want to sleep on a bench either. I made a deal with myself only to go there if I absolutely had to. I strolled around the alley and wondered about everyone else. I was so egoistic nowadays. Love had made me different; I wasn't sure I liked who I was at the moment. Maybe I just needed to talk to him. Tell him how I felt and how I wanted everything to be normal. But nothing could ever be normal again. He had truly hurt me and he seemed to not even care. And yesterday he had almost fooled me by seeming hurt when I had been hugged by Nathaniel. Rage was driven up by my other feelings and I just needed to hex him. Or someone. I almost wished it would come a death eater now so I could hex it. But was it really worth being angry? Fred had made his choice. He obviously saw _something_ in that terrible girl and love is the most powerful force there is. You shouldn't separate it. I continued my stroll. I thought about the people I had hurt with my drastic choice to leave. Ginny and Harry brining up Teddy without his kind-of-aunt on the side; it just seemed so wrong. Ron being kicked off by his work and not having his almost-sister there to help him through it, but what was I? George had to go through the process with the hate towards Miranda, which he couldn't share with his twin or his other best friend; which used to be me. All these _almost_ and _kind of _were the problems, though. I didn't really fit in. Harry had worked his way in by loving Ginny dearly. He and Ron had become best of mates the first day they met. For me, it had always taken so much longer. Ginny had always looked up to Harry and our second year was a bloody mess because of her love for him. It had taken me so much longer to find my way and find my love as well. Why was _I_ different? Why did it always have to be me? I sighed. I found another bench and closed my eyes. My thoughts were killing me. I was nothing. I _used_ to be something, I _had_ something, I _was_ the brightest witch of my age and now I can't even make the dish clean itself. I am a bloody mess.

~WWW~

I opened my eyes again when it was getting colder and darker. I had been sitting here for hours just feeling the air and trying to delete my daily nightmares. When I decided that I could sit here for another 30 minutes it started to rain. At first it was just nice summer rain but after 15 minutes the rain started to get cold and I saw absolutely no one in the alley. It was starting to become autumn and I felt it in the air. I had no idea about how to get home, riding the knight bus was not an alternative for me, and so I started to talk upwards the alley. There was 20 minutes until I would reach the twin's shop and I hoped Ginny or anyone else would find me before I found the shop.

I could hardly see 10 meters in front of me because of the heavy rain and the darkness. It was really cold and I prayed that I walked in the right direction. Everything seemed to be closed and I had no idea about where the shop was. I was almost frightened by this, and I was not the one to be afraid. I was becoming so, so cold and my whole body shook from the cold rain. I saw lights and noises in front of me and decided to follow the sound. I didn't care what was waiting in front of me; I only cared about getting warm. When I got closer to the sound and lights I saw a gigantic Weasley-figure waving his hat and I knew that I was there. I tried to sigh in relief but no sound came out. I was too cold. I walked as fast as I could to the door and tried to open the door. It was locked! I knocked on the door, the windows and then shouted to make anyone hear me. No one opened. I sat down on the doorstep in front of the shop and cried. I was cold and wet, and I had no magic to do anything. I was stuck. I cried and cried and felt so useless and my body shook like it had never seen cold before. Just as I was about to drift away my eyes felt like ice. A light had pierced my eyes and I heard something that I couldn't understand. I asked myself what it was and the next thing I knew everything went black. The cold had taken me.


	21. Beautiful storm

**A/N:** I felt bad not letting you have something to read while I'm gone so I'm publishing this chapter as well! TA-DA-DAA! It's a short chapter but with a lot to process - so hold on tight! I have a person that will make the banner as well so I'm SUPER HAPPY! If I get it before I travel I will post it tonight, if not you'll see it when I get back! This time I used **Heather Nova – Beautiful storm** as inspiration. Thank you for reviewing, it makes my heart melt and I always giggle! If you have any suggestions for songs let me know! :D Maybe I'll pick yours!

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**Chapter 21 – Beautiful Storm**

Into the flesh  
Into the sorrow I fall now  
Waves coming on  
And I'm soaked and I'm torn  
I'm blissed out and worn  
And this beautiful storm  
It comes with no warning

And you stand in the shadows  
The room, dark and narrow  
I bloom down to the marrow  
It's a beautiful storm  
It comes with no warning

~WWW~

I had a feeling someone dragged me, carried me or something. I was being moved. I wasn't aware of the reality but I felt alive. Or maybe this was death? I had no idea. The afterlife according to Harry was light and you were able to see and feel. I saw nothing but darkness and felt only the pain rising in my throat. Then not even my mind worked as it used to and once again the cold took me. I was paralyzed.

~WWW~

When I awoke I tried to open my eyes. The room was bright and I heard weird noises that I couldn't really place. I was dead! I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I opened my eyes widely in panic but then saw furniture and other things. What was that beeping machine? Oh shit, I was at St. Mungo's! I saw different tubes and other things stuck on my arms and I tried to rip it off.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A voice from behind said and if I could speak I would've screamed. The voice walked closer, I heard by the steps, till I saw the face. I felt anger, happiness and sadness at the same time. It was Fred. I couldn't speak so I just stared at him. Why was he here?

"I know you have a lot of questions Hermione, but I also know you can't speak. I will answer some questions for you." I raised an eyebrow; how would he know what I would want to know? "I know you don't think I know you – but I do. I am the only one that actually knows the real you, so just listen to me. Okay?" I closed my eyes and nodded. "Great. Well, you can't speak because you have a silence charm on." I opened my eyes widely and hit the quilt that was warming me. "It's not because you're not allowed to talk, it's because your throat is damaged and it needs some rest. I have no idea why you would be out in that storm but when I found you…" He broke off because his voice had cracked. It seemed like he had a hard time keeping his tears away. "I'm sorry…" he said and then tears fell down his cheeks. "I just-I… I thought you were dead Hermione! I panicked. I have never been that afraid in my whole life. Through the war and everything. I have never been that afraid." I almost started to cry by his words but I was so stunned at the same time. It was almost like he cared about me. "The storm is bloody insane. No one knew it was coming and it has drained half of the Diagon Alley. I can't believe you made it so long. I know you haven't believed me in a very long time, and that you don't believe me now. But Hermione, I care about you so much. I was so afraid. I apparated us both to St. Mungos in a second and now you're here."

I looked around the room and felt the bed; it was quite soft. "You have been out for two days actually. The others have been coming here a lot. Ginny has just cried and cried since you got here. I probably ought to owl-" he started to get up and walk away but I grasped his hand. I didn't want him to leave. I needed him here beside me. He looked onto our hands and then met my eyes. He decided without a word to sit down again. "Hermione. I don't know what has gotten into you. I guess this is the best time for me to talk, you know. You can't protest nor run away." He smiled a crooked smile with his words. "You used to be logical. You weren't the person who ran away from your problems; you dealt with them. I know you think I have cheated on you, but I haven't. Not one single time. The bloody party planner is the truth-" I started to protest, without words, but he continued without even looking at me. "-and I know you saw me and Miranda at the restaurant. Once again you run away without dealing with it. I kissed her on the cheek when I entered. It was nothing more than that, we discussed our apartment – that's it." I started to cry. "Hermione, honey. Don't cry. She took the apartment, and I have moved in with George again. I know you think you are a mess – but you are not. You will always be the corky, smart girl that knows too much." I cried even more by his words and squeezed his hand hard.

"I have something you probably are interested to know by the way." He let go of my hand and stood; I tried to complain but once again – no sound. He came back with a paper and sat down. He read out loud: "Hermione Jean Granger is suffering from thus far an undiscovered illness. It takes the muggle born wizards or witches their magic ability when the person sees no future. It is not known if it a virus or anything else. The only one thing known is that it prepares you for death." I opened my mouth, not to speak; but in shock. Fred looked at me in sorrow. "The body prepares itself for dying, because of the lacking magic, and there is no cure known." He sighed at the last words and cried with me. I squeezed his hand and held up a finger. Fred knew that I wanted a pen and a paper so handed it to me. I wrote: _my magic came back after our night, but disappeared as quick. _Fred looked at me and nodded; he remembered.

Maybe I just needed happiness. I tried to smile, it was really hard and it took a lot of strength from me – but I did it. I smiled and it felt quite good. I met Fred's gaze and when he saw my smile he dried his tears and smiled with me. "You will always be my sunshine, Hermione." I let the smile hang on my lips, it felt quite nice, and laid back to my pillow again. "Get well, honey." Fred said and took two steps back and disapparated. My smile faded quickly.


	22. The one that got away

Sorry it has taken so much time! This is the 22nd chapter! Hope you enjoy it! And by the way, I have 99 reviews now! I wonder who the 100th will be :DDD This time I got a tips from a dear reader:** Katy Perry - The one that got away**! Thank you! And if you have other tips just tell me :D doesn't matter who you are! I love you all! xx

Have you seen the new picture to the story? :D I actually did it myself and I'm quite pleased with it. I would be SO delighted if you told me what you think about it. Really! :) It's my first graphic!

_And my old Fremione story (Please teach me gently how to breathe) have a picture as well, go and check it out :D_

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Katy Perry

**Chapter 22 – The one that got away **

In another life  
I would be your girl  
We'd keep all our promises  
Be us against the world  
In another life  
I would make you stay  
So I don't have to say  
You were the one that got away  
The one that got away

~WWW~

I was sick and tired of being at St. Mungo's. I was allowed to speak one hour a day, and that was when the healer treated me. He needed me to be able to answer questions and react directly to his treatment. I couldn't speak when my friends visited. My parents weren't allowed in to St. Mungo's either but they had sent me chocolate and other sweets. I was bored, unhappy and so confused. I had no idea what all this meant. The healers tried their best with me and the rehabilitation of me. Fred hadn't visited me since I woke up either; which felt awful. I didn't know if it was because I was sick and he couldn't stand seeing me like this or if he just didn't care. I was becoming sadder for every day; which meant I was dying more and more for every day.

The others didn't accept my condition. Ginny cried, cried and cried. Ron and Harry tried to make me happy; often by talking about our victories through life and the fun we had at Hogwarts. I had owled Nathaniel but had been discrete and said that we couldn't talk for a while. George hadn't been around as much as the others but he had visited. I had burst out crying of the sight of him and I guessed he thought he was making me sadder by showing up, so he didn't. Still - no sight of Fred. I really needed to see him though, I needed to try to smile again and I needed to see if he cared about me. It felt like I was letting Fred slip through my fingers somehow.

~WWW~

It was time for my daily rehabilitation. This was a special treatment designed for just me. The other people who had rehabilitation were often left with exercises to do to make their arm or something like that to work again; not everything was cured with magic. For me it felt like I was back in school. A healer and I trained me in magic. He showed me a lot of spells and charms which I used to know very well but nothing came out from the tip of my wand. I became sadder for every failed try as well so this treatment wasn't right for me.

"Miss Granger, please try this. Just lift your wand and give it a flick." The healer told me. I tried more and more, and I felt so pathetic. "Once more Miss. A flick with your wand!"

"Bloody hell!" I yelled. It was nice to be able to use my voice even if my voice cracked after being damaged and so silent.

"Please keep your voice down Miss Granger. We don't want you to be silent in our practices as well okay?"

"Okay"

"Keep the smile on your lips, Miss. You have to remember to smile." That was the worst part of the training. I had to smile, and it was so painful to fake a smile. My inside wrenched by it and it made it more difficult to perform.

"Colloportus." I whispered and flicked my wand. "Colloportus." We were standing in front of a door and I tried to lock it by magic. It was a simple spell but really difficult for a person with my illness.

"Very well Miss Granger. Maybe we can work with another spell then. Try Bombarda." I looked confused to my healer and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you asking me to make the door explode?"

"Of course, Miss Granger." I laughed out loud when she said it and then stopped myself by placing a hand on my mouth. That wasn't a fake laugh; it felt nice actually. I lifted my wand flicked it and said with a straight voice

"Bombarda." The door didn't blow up, but it moved like it was a wind coming against it. That little made me a bit happy but it took all my strength. We switched after a while to the theory behind it but I knew it all, I never forgot a thing I had read, so that was useless. I was left in my room and I once more was bored to death. Death. Death. Death. It was all I could not think about. I thought about everything I had been through and everything I wanted to do. I especially thought about wanting to be happy and wanting to be able to do magic.

I started to write a letter, but I wasn't sure if I would send it.

_I am in distress. After being here for days I feel like I am being prisoned. I am not able to neither speak nor express my opinion. I miss everything. I miss normal food and I miss the freedom. I haven't even been outside since I got here. They think I would run away; which is probably true. I need freedom. I made a door sway a bit today; it should've exploded but that's a lot from me now. I need smiles. I need you to make me smile. It felt so weird to laugh today, it was too long ago. I miss your jokes and the smirk you always have on. I miss you. _

I sent it. To him. I did it. I didn't want to feel like this anymore. If he had told me the truth about not cheating on me I had to give him a chance. At least a chance for me to smile.

~WWW~

I went to bed early that night and fell asleep on an instant. I was still mute when I wasn't being treated so it was weird to even yawn. I was awoken, though, in the middle of the night of a hand that stroked me on the cheek. I opened my eyes in panic and was frightened but was quickly calmed by the shadow I knew too well. He stroked my cheek again and tried to smile. I grasped his hand and I opened my mouth to try to speak but he held up a finger in front of my lips. I couldn't speak but no words were necessary. He let his fingers slide from my cheek to my neck and down my arm. I squeezed his fingers and he sat down beside me.

"I snuck in," he said "your words have always blown me away. You have always been the one that affects me the most. Even when we were little…" he continued. I stopped him though by dragging him onto the bed. He placed himself beside me and drew circles with his finger on my arm. It felt nice and I enjoyed the simple touch.

"When we were little," he continued "you made me crazy day and night. You stopped so many mischiefs of mine and George's. Your eyes later on… Your eyes have always told me stories and they have always been so truthful. Nowadays I don't even know what you want when you are looking at me. I feel so stupid! I feel so ashamed. I didn't fight enough for you!" Once again we were in this room and both of us were crying. He poured his heart out for me. I couldn't comfort him with words; only the touch of my fingertips and the looks from my eyes. It felt like I had let him slip through my fingers and now there was hardly anything to do. I had _him_ beside me. But I couldn't tell him how I felt, or what I wanted. I didn't know myself. What happened if I let him go, and what happened if I let him in to my life again? What did I want?

He looked at me and I tried to smile. It still hurt but I tried.

"You're beautiful." He told me and I closed my eyes. "Don't close your eyes, honey. You are truly beautiful. I know this is crazy. Let's just think about it." I nodded. This was something at least. I thought about how this would become and I almost saw a tomorrow. I looked Fred in the eyes and tried to smile.

"Hermione. You are glowing a little!"


	23. May it be

**A/N:** Ta-DUM! A new chapter :D It's actually quite long and I like it :)) thank you for your reviews! They are lovely as always. They always make my day be brighter. This time I'm using **Enya - May it be**. I love you! xx

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**Chapter 23 – May it be**

A promise lives within you now  
May it be the shadow's call  
Will fly away  
May it be your journey on  
To light the day  
When the night is overcome  
You may rise to find the sun

~WWW~

I had fallen asleep in Fred's embrace. It felt real. Maybe we weren't ready to express our true feelings yet but at least we were on the same page again. When I awoke he was gone but I knew he would return this time. He probably didn't want to get in trouble for sneaking in; he would've probably done it back in the days but he was older and more mature now. At least that was my perspective. When I met the sun's shining rays through the blinds I felt strength in my body I hadn't felt in years. I ate a steady breakfast, to the healer's surprise, and I was sure I could do something with my wand today; hopefully more than just wind.

I had visitors first. I was still not allowed to speak but I was feeling strong today so I had brought a pen and a paper to actually communicate with the ones that would arrived. At first it was Ron who came and talked to me. He hadn't much to say to me so we played some chess, which he won of course, and then he left in a hurry. It seemed like something was different or stressful in his life and I had no voice to sooth him with; which made me tear down a little.

I tried to keep the newfound strength and embraced Ginny as she entered. She was used to sitting beside my bed and cry, and seeing me cry with her. I dried her tears and kissed her on her forehead, and smiled a very small smile. Which made Ginny scream out loud, which made the healers run into our room in panic, which made me laugh which made Ginny scream all over again. We hugged each other after the scream attack firmly and I didn't let her go of her hand afterwards. She talked a lot about Teddy and Harry and how worried she had been and how the healers had described the situation for her.

"I was all alone then actually. Fred had called me first because he was in shock you know…" she didn't think about hiding his name any more which made me glad. "So I had apparated here without a hesitation and the healers just met me and the first thing they said was 'we're not sure if she's going to wake up'. And I ran into your room and there were you hooked up to some bloody flying machine and I cried and screamed and then the others came and everything was such a mess. You would've hated it." We cried together again and we embraced each other once more. "I have never been this afraid, Hermione." I dried her tears with the back of my hand and shook my head. I had no words to say so it was probably a good thing I couldn't speak. "You are my sunshine. You have always helped me through everything and I love you like the sister I never got. I am so sorry this happened to you, Hermione. I wouldn't survive a day without you. I was actually thinking about ways to…" she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I mean, if you hadn't woken up and you had," her throat became thick, "-had died." She cried like never before "I was thinking about ways to end my life and be with you and the others up there. Dumbledore and all of them… you know."

I cried to her words and the last drop of strength left my body. I didn't become my waiting-for-my-death-me I just lost the strength I had saved. Maybe there was a time limit. "You look a little pail, Hermione. Let me call the healers…" and before I had even tried to protest with my body language she had run out from the room and in came three healers. They waved their wand and my headache disappeared which made thinking a lot easier. I was waiting for Ginny to return when one of the healers stroke my cheek and lifted my chin up to make me look her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry Miss Granger, but we can't allow you to have any more visitors today. You and Miss Weasley had a very heavy talk and your brain has to rest." I had learned a way to disagree and protest by waving my arms like crazy but the woman just shook her head. "I'm sorry Miss. You just rest now a couple of hours and we'll try to do some great spells later. Rest now Miss." And she left me in my depressing room again without even being able to hug Ginny after what she had said. She had wanted to end her life for me. _Kill_ herself. I cried until there was no tears left in me and my headache was killing me more than ever.

~WWW~

I had rested for a while, but not eaten anything. I was hunger striking without being able to tell anyone I was doing it. I felt pathetic, foolish and so stupid all the time. I had made my best friend, almost sister, to make her want to end her life. _I_ had made her that unhappy. My stomach wrenched and not a single strength came from my fingertips when I wanted to sit up straight. I was feeling so alive this morning and now my body was down on a level below yesterday. All I could do was to cry. So I cried my eyes out and in came healers that tried to make me happy. Everything was a mess. I really needed his voice.

I lay down on my pillow and closed my eyes. I was in the place between sleep and awake and steered my dream into memories from Hogwarts.

"_Aren't you cold Hermione? Here, take my jacket." He had said when we were cheering on a Qudditch game in the rain. He had been suspended from it by Umbridge so we both were audience now. He had placed the jacket gently on my shoulders and made his hand trace my back as he placed it on me. I had smiled and blushed by his touch. After a while he had begun to almost shake by the cold so I offered him to share the jacket with me. He hadn't said anything but only nod. We crept close to each other on the stands and he had put an arm around my waist to make us warmer. At least, that was I thought back then. He hadn't watched the game at all when we sat there together. When the audience cheered he hadn't move. He had kept his eyes on me – all the time. At first I had been a bit afraid by it but I learned quickly that this was his way of getting to know someone. He had to know their contours. _

"_You are very beautiful, Hermione."_

"Time for rehabilitation now Miss Granger!" a voice from above interrupted and I sighed loudly. "No time to sleep now. I'm allowing you to speak now" and the healer flicked his wand.

"Bloody hell! I am so bloody frustrated!" I screamed as loud as I could.

"Keep your voice down Miss Granger. You know what we talked about."

"I had the best strength of my life this morning and it all just disappeared."

"Why didn't you call a healer to watch your energy?"

"How-" I was getting truly frustrated. "How in the world would I be able to call a healer if my voice IS OFF?" I screamed again and punched my pillow.

"Miss Granger!"

"I'm bloody depressed and all you can do is threaten me and try to make me flick my wand. Here's some news for you: I was at the top of my class at Hogwarts and I knew mostly all spells before the rest of my class. Why do _this_ happen to _me_?"

"I know very well who you are Miss Granger. That is why we brought someone special today to help you through your rehabilitation. You could only scream, though, so I hadn't the chance to tell you." The healer was frustrated of me as well.

"Who is it?" My first instinct was Fred, but how would they know? No one knew.

"Minerva McGonagall, headmistress at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." I jumped from my bed by the sound of her name and ran into the room we used to practice.  
"Mrs. McGonagall!" I burst out when I saw her and she met me with a kind smile and we embraced each other.

"Dear child, what has happened to you?" I shook my head in response; being used to not speaking. "St. Mungo's owled me and described the situation. I came as quickly as I could. I am going to help you Miss Granger." I burst into tears by her offer and was once again stranded with nothing to say. "Let's begin. What do you remember from our classes?" she asked me.

"Everything Mrs. McGonagall."

"Everything?"

"Of course."

"But-"

"It's just that I can't perform them. I remember every spell, every word and every charm. The magic just won't come out from me." I explained. Her mouth formed an 'o' and I almost smirked by the sight of it.

"Where do we start then?"

"That's what we all are wondering, Mrs. McGonagall." The healer told her, who apparently was standing in the room. Mrs. McGonagall hummed shortly and gazed at me.

"We begin with Scribblifors. Do you remember?"

"It makes an object into a quill."

"Very good. Begin." I tried to make a lamp into a quill but failed a lot. We practiced for several hours and the three of us where frustrated at the end of the day. Nothing. Absolutely nothing had happen or changed from my wand. Not a single magic was left in my body. Hermione Jean Granger, the muggleborn wit- I meant muggle. Bloody hell.


	24. Possibility

A/N: I am so sorry that it once again has taken me so much time to write. I have been sooo ill this week.. I never get sick but this week my head decided to almost blow up. Haha! Thank you once again for you lovely reviews and your inspiring ideas. 3 This chapter is the longest yet so hold on tight! I had a hard time finding the right song to this one but this is a tribute to my favourite Swedish artist **Lykke Li **and with her song **Possibility**!

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**Chapter 24 – Possibility **

So tell me when you hear my heart stop.  
You're the only one who knows.  
Tell me when you hear my silence,  
There's a possibility I wouldn't know.

So tell me when my sorrows over  
You're the reason why I'm closed  
Tell me when you hear me falling.  
There's a possibility it wouldn't show.

~WWW~

"Miss Granger, I have good news." A healer told me.

"Good news?" I asked in surprise; that wasn't anything I was used to hear.

"Indeed. You had a chat yesterday with your trainer and he told the rest of us that you had felt good in the morning but it had disappeared."

"Yes… But I'm not feeling like that this morning."

"Exactly. Therefore, it has to do with something that happened." The healer told me. Shit! They had figured out that Fred had sneaked in. I bit my lip. "Do not distress. We only mean that we can figure something out from this. It does not mean that our treatments are making it you healthy again. It shows that certain events make you healthier."

"What do you mean?"

"It means that something happened to you that made you have that strength again. We do not know if it was a dream, a conversation or something else. We want to know what it was."

"I-"

"We know you do not know either, therefore, we have an option for you today."

"If it is only one; there is not an option."

"You are quick Miss Granger, but do not make us change our minds. We are allowing you to talk-"

"Really?"

"Once again too quick. We are allowing you to talk to _one_ of your visitors today. We do not know who they are yet but when they have signed in we will let you choose."

"Signed in?"

"It is a formality we do here. Do not worry about it." I thought about it, did it mean that they were queuing to visit me? Did Ginny queue to just cry beside my bed? That was absurd. "We will let you know who are signed in for today later on and you will have to decide."

"Alright."

"Get some rest Miss Granger." The one thing I always knew was coming from them. I had no idea who would visit today. I hoped for Ginny so I could talk some sense into her. But I doubted it. She was a fiery girl but she had cracked. I missed Ron. My strength. I hadn't been able to talk to anyone so I didn't know who I would pick. I tried to make up lists.

I didn't need to speak with Mrs. or Mr. Weasley. They were nice people but I doubted I would get any strength from them. Ginny wouldn't come back for a while so I could count her out. I would like to talk to Ron and George. Harry as well though. But Ron. I wanted to sleep beside him and feel his love and friendship. I wouldn't be allowed to see him more than 30 minutes, though. I sighed. I ate a bit to fill my stomach and tried to sing. I had forgotten that 'get some rest' meant 'I'm muting you'.

~WWW~

I had almost fallen asleep when I was shook by my main healer.

"Good evening. It seems like you do nothing but sleep." He waved his wand.

"Do you have your queue?"

"Don't put it that way, Miss Granger."

"What way to put it then?"

"Three people are here today to visit."

"Do they know about my choice?"

"No, we didn't tell them. We thought that would make your choice more difficult." I nodded.

"Thank you."

"Are you ready?"

"Sure?"

"At first there is Mrs. Weasley. She will only be able to talk in 5 minutes, so I would probably not go for Mrs. Weasley. We want feelings to evolve."

"That's fine. I'll write with her."

"Alright, then there were two left. The second one to register was Ronald Weasley."

"I'll take him!"

"Don't you even want to know the third?"

"It doesn't matter. I want Ron."

"Well, I have to tell you. The third one is someone who hasn't visited before. The one that brought you here."

"What?"

"Frederick Weasley."

"F- Fr- Fred… Is here?" I hadn't even though about him visiting me. Why was he here? Our night meeting was so…

"Yes. I'll be back with Mrs. Weasley for you. Stay here." As he was about to wave his wand I shouted almost the loudest I had heard my voice for days.

"WAIT!"

"Miss Granger!" he was surprised by my raised voice.  
"I-"

"You are not allowed to speak that loudly."

"I- I think I need to speak with Fred."

"What about Ronald Weasley?"

"I want to speak with him, but I need Fred."

"Alright. You have 5 minutes with Mrs. Weasley, 20 with Ronald and as long as you want with Frederick. Maximum 2 hours though."

"As long as I want…" I muttered under my breath and the healer waved his wand. I got up and placed me in the couches that had been brought in my room. I picked up my sketch book and a pencil.

"Hermione!" I heard a few moments later and Mrs. Weasley came in. I waved her to me and she gave me a hug. I tried to smile lightly.

"They said you weren't allowed to speak so I'll just make this short for you. I came here from Ginny's begging." She paused and I wrinkled my forehead. It felt like something had happened. I grasped her wrist to make her look at me. "She's just fine, Hermione. It's just… She's worn out. She's at home right now. Resting. Harry and I are taking good care of her but she wanted you to know that she wouldn't be able to come and visit you for a while. She wanted me to say that she loved you and that she thinks about you every day." I cried silently and painted a heart in my book. Mrs. Weasley tore it from the book and kept it. "For Ginny." She said and I nodded. We held hands and closed our eyes for a while; receiving strength from each other.

"Time is out Miss Granger. Say goodbye to Mrs. Weasley." I hated that they treated me as a child. But I obeyed and hugged Mrs. Weasley as a goodbye.

"I heard someone's out of bed." I squealed in my head but no sound came out. I threw myself over Ron and hugged him like there was years since I had seen him. It felt like it anyway.

"Woah there, darling. Don't break me, yeah?" I smiled at his way of putting words together and the way he made me felt whole again. Maybe this was love? But I had asked myself that before. I knew he just was my dearest friend. I dragged him to the couch and I placed my head in his lap. I wanted to relax with him beside me. "I can see your frustration honey. You have always been the one that has something to say. And now you're not even allowed to speak. I want to be here for you but your illness has made every one of us extremely worried. I have been lying in my bed for days just wondering. And now when I'm visiting you… you're just cuddly. It doesn't seem like you are dying."

I sat up and looked deeply into his eyes. I let tears fall as they were used to. He dried them with his lips and then kissed my cheek lightly.

"I wish I could see you as someone I would be able to marry. I love you dearly. But you are only a sister to me. I cannot do anything more than love you the way I love y-" I hushed him by placing a finger on top of his lips. I wrote something in my book.

_'I will always love you, brother. It will always be enough for me if you love me back.' _He smiled at me and placed me back in his lap and traced along my brushy hair. "And I always thought that you would be the death of me." He tried to joke; not his strong suit.

I had fallen asleep when he had left. He had left a frilly heart in my book beside my text. I got up from the couch and placed it over my bed. I heard the door open behind me and something happened in my throat that made me cough. I made a sound from my cough and I turned around the see my healer smile and letting Fred in through the door. We stared at each other silently and the healer raised an eyebrow at us. He went out and closed the door.

"Hi." I tried and my voice cooperated.

"Hermione." He breathed. I took a step closer and held out my hand in front of me. I was relaxed from the meeting with Ron but Fred's presence made me tense a bit. Even though he had sneaked in shortly ago something was around us. A tension; thick as magic could be. He took my hand and dragged me close to him. I felt his scent and it reminded me of everything from the day I rode the Hogwarts Express for the first time till the day I had run away in chock. I didn't know what to feel. I decided to cry because that was something I was used to know.

"Did I hurt you?" I shook my head but reminded myself that I could talk.

"No. No. I'm just… overwhelmed."

"Have you been able to talk to someone lately?"

"The healers and professor McGonagall."

"Is she here?"

"Was. She trained me in magic."

"You don't need any training. You're the brightest witch of your age. Of the wizarding world."

"Was." I stated again.

"I know you are, I've seen you shine." I looked him into his eyes as he held me and we just stood there, expressing feelings and strength to each other without any words. I knew the healers somehow were watching but I didn't care. I needed him. That was the right word. Need. I didn't know if I wanted him yet, but my whole body shook with need for his presence and touch. He traced his fingers down my neck and squeezed my arm. He lifted me up and I giggled for the first time in many weeks, and he placed me in the couch. I suddenly felt watched but I tried to not think about it.

We sat and looked at each other while we traced our fingers on each other's bodies.

"I need you." I whispered.

"You have always needed me."

"I know."

"Are you getting worse?"

"Yesterday was tough. Ginny came by… her condition is almost worse than mine."

"She's not dying. She's sad and chocked by the fact that you are here. But she's alive and healthy. She will be fine."

"I feel different when you are around."

"Don't you remember?"

"What?"

"When you were 14 you told me something."

"14?" I smiled a crooked smile to his memory skill.

"We had sneaked away in to a tunnel. I doubt that we had expressed our feelings yet but we spent time together. You were so angry at Ron. He had hurt your feelings before the Yule Ball."  
"He had tried to ask me to the Ball but he was so clumsy with the words back then…" I smiled to the memory. Fred always knew what to say.

"Yeah, and I had dragged you away from him and from everything that happened that year and we sat in a cozy tunnel. You had leaned against me and I had taught you to breathe normally again. You said something about me, about us. Do you remember?"

"I don't think so…"

"I quote: 'Frederick Gideon Weasley. I had never thought that the mischief boy would be the salvation to my troubles. I have always needed someone like you. I have always needed harmony, love and happiness. Please, never leave me.' And I had answered 'Reckon you will change your mind about me a hundred times before you ever use these words to describe me again Granger.' And you had hit me with a book for using your last name." he smiled and laughed lightly. I felt confused, what did he mean by this? "Don't you get it? You have changed your mind about me the couple of years and months at least a hundred times and today you're telling me you need me again. You don't have to wonder anymore."

"Wonder about what?"

"About us. That's already solved."

"Solved? Nothing is ever solved Fred. The world isn't black and white."

"Maybe not. But we are yes or no." He took my hands and looked deeply in my eyes. "Smile honey, you look lovely today." And I smiled without even being bothered by the strength I had to use. He convinced me. He told me to close my eyes; as I did I felt him fuddling around my wrist. I opened my eyes and met the gaze of a blue glittering stone on a bracelet. I was in awe.

"Beautiful, right?" I only nodded as tears streamed down my face. "I would like to say that it is something that came from mom, but before the shop our family had never been able to buy something like this. This is for you, Hermione."

"Thank you!" I said between the sobs.

"Don't cry. It's only because you need me."

We talked a bit more and I couldn't stop to look at the bracelet. Even my engagement ring hadn't been this beautiful; the shop hadn't been running very long then so it was understandable. When a healer popped in and said that it was time to rest I walked him to the door.

"Thank you once again."

"Get well, honey." He said and leaned down to place a soft and quick kiss on my lips. The move made me hold my eyes closed until I heard that he had left. This was I didn't saw him go. I just remembered the kiss and nothing more. I remembered the kiss. Later, I was laying in my bed and fell asleep remembering.


	25. The scientist

A/N: You're so kind, and I truly appreciate your patience :D I will try to update more often from now on. Here's something you probably will be excited by. ;) **Coldplay - The scientist.**

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**Chapter 25 – The scientist**

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

~WWW~

The healers had told me that my energy and magic had taken a turn by the meeting. It had been a few days since and I hadn't been allowed to see anyone but my trainer and one other healer. I had some weird magic meter that checked the strength and energy in me. Apparently, energy was the first key to great success of making magic.

I called "Expelliarmus" and my trainer´s wand flew right from his right hand and into mine. I smirked. It felt good to be able to use my magic again. It wasn't as strong or as good as before but I had something! It was second year-magic but I was pleased. I felt confident walking from training – rather than irritated and blue.

"Excellent Miss Granger. Very good. We have done a couple of easy spells now and I wonder if you're in the mood of trying something more difficult?"

"Do you think I am ready?"

"I'm not sure. Do you?" I thought about it. My trainer was always sneaky and always wanted me to make my own decisions. _'You're an adult, you should decide.' _was a classic one. But the other healers treated me as a child and I had almost got used to it by now; maybe I needed someone to take care of me.

"Do you have something in mind? Maybe I can decide from that." I tried

"No. You have to surprise me. Nothing to hurt me, though; that you know." I had tried to cast a spell that would've hurt him once, but my magic hadn't worked so he wasn't hurt. Which I had known, but he hadn't believed.

"Descendo" I said and waved my wand and the test door in front of me sank. The room we trained in had several objects that were used for experimenting. We usually trained by the door. Some objects in the room looked quite weird and I sometimes wondered what spell that had hit them.

"That's okay. The door followed the spell's purpose but the spell isn't difficult enough. Do you want another shot?" I nodded and thought about my book of spells. I smirked. This was…

"Confringo" and the door exploded into flames which made my trainer jump several meters away. I laughed and then cast a spell that made the fire stop. The door was slightly black, though.

"We have such high recommendations and letters from all your teachers at Hogwarts. I don't know if it is due to the war or due to the lack of magic for so long that made you decide to use this spell. I said I didn't want to get hurt!"

"Did you get hurt?"

"No…"

"Then there's no problem. I just wanted to check it out. It is a safety-training room…"

"Very well. I'm not letting you decide anymore today. But I won't let you back to your room just yet. Do you know anything about The Patronus Charm Miss Granger?" My mind went blank and I felt blood drain from my face. This charm had so much memory in itself. Not just how to produce but what it had meant. I thought about when Harry made hundreds Death Eaters disappear from Sirius and himself. I thought about DA when I saw my otter for the first time. Or Fred's beautiful white flowing hyena.

".. nger?"

"Wh- What?"

"You floated away for a mom- you look pale. Are you alright?"

"The… the charm creates many memories sir."

"Do you want to sit down?"

"I'm okay. Thanks anyway. It's … I've been through a lot."

"We all were affected by the war, Miss Granger. But I know you fought eye to eye with Voldermort." I quickly looked at my trainer and saw fight and power within his eyes. There were few people who dared to say Voldermort's name; even now after his death. I saw sadness as well; then I knew he had lost someone due to the war. Maybe this charm wouldn't just help me, but him as well. I wanted to make him proud. I wanted him to see that the girl that killed one part of Voldermort's soul isn't weak. I am strong. My voice started off as a whisper but increased.

"I am the brightest witch of my age. Expecto Patronum!" and white fiery light drifted from my wand and an otter appeared. It swirled around my body and we held eye contact before it flew away to my trainer. I saw his smile. He was proud.

~WWW~

I was allowed to the hospital's diner for the first time. It was empty but it didn't matter; it was a sign that they had hopes about me. My now main healer came and kept me company. I was able to talk with her so it felt good.

"We have thought about something, Miss Granger..." she stated

"About what?" I said with my mouth filled with food. She raised an eyebrow and smirked. She knew I was eager to speak when I had the opportunity.

"Well, nothing is settled but I just want you to know that your energy is increasing tremendously. We are so proud of you! The meeting with Frederick Weasley really was something. I have actually wondered a lot about him both since he brought you here but also since your fantastic meeting." She looked at me and it felt like she was expecting me to speak up. I didn't feel like talking about it, though. "Don't you want to tell me anything, Miss Granger?"

"We met the first time when I was placed in the Gryffindor House. He sat there and cheered at the first years; he and his twin brother. His little brother was also placed in Gryffindor and I had met him on the Hogwarts Express."

"Did you become friends?"

"Not at first. I was a very ugly duckling in my first years and didn't care a lot about anything but studies. I met Harry and Ron later… we became friends at first."

"I have read a lot about the trio. You're quite famous all three of you."

"Yeah, it's a bit weird. Fred and George tried to prank me all of the time but I out-smarted them. Fred saw interest in my quickness and how to avoid them. So he made the first step into friendship."

"Beautiful."

"It was great… simple but loyal friendship. Later, about the last years we found love. And… yeah."

"You've been together happily ever after since?"

"No. No. My magic left me two years ago… I left the wizarding world. I came back… I can't really explain it. It's complicated but I think… I hope it will be better now. I'm getting better, right?"

"We believe so. That's actually why I came here. We are, as I said, thinking about something. We are thinking about letting you go home for a while."

"Really?"

"Maybe. A couple of days or so."

"Home to mom and dad?" a small smile spread onto my lips

"That's the thing. We are in need of measuring your energy and magic and we need you to be able to perform simple but yet necessary magic. Therefore, you can't be at your parent's. We are truly sorry about that. We have talked to Mrs. Weasley and the Burrow isn't an option at the moment. We heard your friend is a bit sick."

"Is she alright?"

"She's fine. Worn out a bit. We gave them some tips about how to make her feel better and we updated them on your improving health. She's going to be back to normal shortly."

"That's great. But if I don't have anywhere to go why would you tell me the news?"

"We owled a couple of your friends and some were maybe able to have you come over. Your friend Luna Lovegood lives 500 kilometers from here, but has a place for you to live. We think it is a bit far away so we want to encourage you to not pick this option. You were also able to live alone at Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley's apartment. But, as we have told you – we don't want you to be alone yet so this isn't a good option either. Even if it's close by."

"Is there anywhere I can live?" I really wanted out…

"Yes. One place. We think it might be a bit tough on your health and therefore it's your decision. The people who live are alright with it."

"Spit it out, then!"

"At George and Fred Weasely's."

"Oh…"

"Oh?"

"I wasn't expecting them to allow it."

"Why?"

"… so much back in the past."

"I know that. But it will only be a couple of days, and we will be in contact with you at any hour if you need to. You will have your measurements with you and you will have to follow our schedule. You have to practice magic every day; not only making the dish clean itself."

"Okay… "

"You will be able to choose when to leave and come back. We have maximum of days of course."

"Will I be able to speak?"

"Yes. Your throat is almost healed. If you don't scream or anything else that will damage it we see no problem with having you off the muting charm."

"Thank you!"

"Do you want to be free again?"

"Yes. Very much. When?"

"Tomorrow if that's okay with both sides."

~WWW~

I went to bed early. It had been a great day. A lot had happen and wow… I couldn't describe the feeling I was having. Fred had wanted me to come. I was nervous at the same time… What did this mean? I wanted to sleep early so tomorrow would be here quicker. I was trapped in the state between sleep and awake; and for the first time I did not appreciate it. I wanted to dream. I needed it. I needed him.


	26. Forgive but not forget

**A/N: **A tribute to my country: Laleh - Forgive but not forget. (Check her out!) | Enjoy this chapter. More to come :) xxx

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**Chapter 26 – Forgive but not forget**

Forgive but not forget  
Let's start over let's regret  
Let's forgive we never tried  
Let's start the fight inside

Hold me  
come hold me  
Hold me now  
Come on hold me

~WWW~

I was using the pack spell to do my packing. It was an encouragement from my healers to use as much magic I could. I was not allowed to apparate myself to the apartment, mostly because of the safety risk, but otherwise I should do everything with magic. When I got sick of my healers I sometimes whispered hexes, without using my wand, towards them. I somewhat trained that way. I found it easier to smile now, and that was a refreshing thought. I was really nervous about sharing space with the twins, especially Fred, but it would be okay. I hoped.

~WWW~

We disapparated from the hospital a healer and I and we landed in front of their shop. I saw the place where the cold had captured me and I shivered.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just nervous."

"I'm going to leave you, actually. I have a lot to do back at St. Mungo's. I trust that you go through that door?"

"Yes."

"Here you have your descriptions, schedule, energy meters and this would make you contact us instantly. It's almost as a muggle's telephone, I know you have used one of that, but it's magical. You will not have to be able to produce magic to reach us though, which is something important in our case."

"Thanks…"

"Good luck and I will see you in a couple of days."

I received an awkward hug and then I walked the last steps towards the door. The shop was yet closed, so there were no people here. I leaned my arms towards the doorframe and took a deep breath. This was it. Just as I was about to reach for the doorbell the door opened.

"Hermione!" George screamed and picked me up, swirled us around and kissed my cheek.

"H-Hi!" I got out and he almost dropped me.

"You can talk!"

"Yeah… yeah."

"Awesome! Wow, you look so normal. Come in. I'm in the middle of cooking breakfast. Are you hungry? You're probably starved…"

"I'm … I-"

"I cooked bacon, made tea, cereals, some French toast's and I got muggle orange juice. Is that okay?"

"Wow, George… You didn't have to. But thanks!"

"We have to celebrate that you're on your feet. I talked to the healers and they told me that your schedule and meters and stuff are very important. May I take a look?" he nodded towards the papers I carried. I smiled and handed it over. He mumbled as he looked it over and led the way. I had been here a lot of times but it felt good to be the guest again. It felt like maybe we were moving forward as the same time as backwards.

"Is- … Is he here?"

"Yeah, but he's asleep for now. I let him sleep. He's been kind of nervous. I bet you are as well." He smiled towards me and I smiled back. He wasn't used to my smile so he laughed and picked me up, carried me to the big kitchen and dropped me in a chair. "You've lost weight."

"Haven't been eating a lot…" he looked at me for a second with distress in his eyes. He served me a French toast.

"Eat." It wasn't a suggestion. He was worried. He hummed as the continued to cook and I took some bites but snatched an apple from the table instead; hadn't eaten fruits for so long I craved it. We chatted a bit and I asked about the shop and what everyone had been doing since I became mute. He told me about everyone's worry and that they had had a special meeting to discuss what had happened. My reaction was not worth mentioning. As I was chewing on my apple and George humming to a beautiful melody I heard a noise from behind. I swallowed my bite and looked in panic at George. He winked at me.

"Morning, brother."

"I see we've got company."

"I've made a fantastic breakfast, brother."

"So I see."

"Indeed. Take a seat." Fred went to sit beside me and brushed his hand on my back as he took place. He leaned in and whispered

"Reckon I am a better cook." And he smiled towards me, when I saw his smile the tension I had built up and the nervousness ran off. I smiled and laughed out loud. Fred's mouth formed an o in surprise by this.

"See brother, she's both happy and speaking! Such a lovely surprise!"

"Oh shut it you." I said and we all three smiled towards each other. It felt nice.

I remembered that I should use magic as often as I could so I carried the dirty dishes by magic to the sink and made them clean themselves.

"Just learned magic?" Fred joked behind me and I turned around. He was standing really close, and there was no George in sight.

"Maybe…" I encountered. He took a step closer towards me, he was really close now; I could smell his scent. It brought up so many memories that my eyes gathered with tears.

"'Mione, what did I do? I am so sorry. Don't cry…"

"No.. No. I'm sorry. It's just. Your scent is… so lovely."

"Are you crying because you think I smell good?"

"Y- Yes."

"That's pathetic." He laughed and lifted my chin with his fingers. I looked into his eyes. They were mischievously beautiful and happy. "I've missed you." He stroked my chin. "I've been thinking so much about you."

"Me too."

"Not just since the other day. I haven't been able to not think about you for one whole day since you left. The first thing that pops up in my head when I wake up in the morning is your name. The last thing I think of when I go to sleep is your face and your lovely eyes." I hushed him by placing a finger on top of his lips and I slowly embraced him. He reacted simultaneously and wrapped his arms around me, placing his chin on my head. We stood like this for a moment and just felt it.

"It's nice to see you smile."

"It's nice to be able to smile."

"I don't know why this had to happen to us but I'm grateful things are starting to…" his eyes drifted away

"Yeah, I only hope Ginny will be better soon." We walked from the kitchen to a couch and sat down.

"Don't worry about her. Yes, she's quite ill now but she'll get better; she's a strong girl. George and I took care of her strength a long time ago." And he smiled his wonderful mischievous smile. I smiled as well. I remembered a statement Ginny had told all of us a long time ago. "_The thing about growing up with Fred and George, is that you sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve._" I smirked. She was completely right.

"I wish I didn't stop to search for you."

"You wouldn't have found me."

"I never gave up in my mind. The bloody 'if I just had…' entered my mind every day."

"It's okay."

"No, Hermione. I am so sorry. I am truly sorry. About everything! I didn't even think that what we were doing could seem suspicious for you. I just wanted everything about the party to be a secret."

"The one thing I can't understand, though…"

"Yeah?"

"What did you see in her?"

"She was kind of easy in the beginning. I needed to be able to smile. I was so sad you know…"

"Me too."

"I can't believe your magic disappeared."

"It's weird… But I only used magic once a month or even less when I changed country. Sometimes I stayed for so long in the same muggle place I almost forgot about my skills. I lived like a normal muggle."

"Was it difficult?"

"Sometimes… I enjoyed Rom though; a lot of food." I smirked and patted my stomach.

"I couldn't believe you came back so suddenly. I was in total shock. I must apologize about the way I behaved when you came home as well."

"Home?"

"Isn't-"

"I'm just kidding. Yeah, it was frightening. It's okay. It's… everything is okay now."

"It's not right, but it's okay."


	27. Turning page

**A/N:** I'm always smiling towards your reviews. **Sleep at last - Turning page. **You are all wonderful. xx

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**Chapter 27 – Turning page**

Your love is my turning page,  
Where only the sweetest words remain.  
Every kiss is a cursive line.  
Every touch is a redefining phrase.  
I surrender who I've been for who you are,

~WWW~

I helped the twins out in their shop that day. It was quite fun, mostly like before so I didn't need a lot of guidance. This was something I didn't appreciate though, I wanted company, but the boys flew around the shop like maniacs. When the first rush was over we put up a 'closed'-sign in the window and took a break for lunch. They usually didn't take a break but my schedule demanded food. I had told them that they didn't need to close the shop in order for me to eat; I could eat quickly. But both turned me down, so I offered to cook instead. I knew neither of the boys was very well trained in the kitchen so I liked to do my own food when they were around.

I gathered what I could from their refrigerator and started to make a chicken salad. It was easy but at the same time delicious. I heard George hum in the background, probably cleaning, and I hummed with him. We had never done this with Fred's presence but neither bothered. We were almost us again and I almost felt normal. I made the salad cut itself and made the table as my magic worked. Fred was leaning against the wall just watching me work and listening to our cooperated voices.

"That's a new one"

"For you, yeah"

"You've been singing before?"

"Reckon I'm better than you"

"Reckon you are." Fred stated. I knew he wasn't as talented as George at some things, but he had strengths George didn't have. That's why they were unstoppable together. There was nothing like watching the twins work together and creating mischief.

"Lunch is served!" I said and placed the bowl of chicken salad on the table.

"Thank you, mi lady!" Fred joked and offered me a chair. I smiled and took place. We ate in silence for a while. George took my schedule and examined it closer. I almost became uncomfortable watching him reading it. It felt like he was reading my diary almost.

"Do you have to go back so soon?" George asked after a while and both Fred and I came back from our food-trance.

"How soon?" Fred asked but took the paper from his brother before he could even answer. I stood and cleared the table as Fred read the schedule as well. Wow, this was awkward.

"Don't look at it that way. If I'm doing well; maybe I'll be released quicker."

"We'll help you improve."

"I don't think that there's anything you can do."

"I've been wondering about something…"

"What George?"

"Before everything," he pointed towards Fred and me, "you seemed to have such a fire and lust to fight. I admired you so much because of that. When you met my brother, who is less attractive than me…"

"Reckon I'm better in the sack."

"Oh please, behave."

"You have no clue, brother. Well, what I meant to say was that when you met my brother you started to glow. Not like a patronus of course, but your skin seemed to have a very attractive glow to it."

"I remember."

"And you were still the brightest witch of your age. You performed some of the most advanced spells and charms during that time. During your glowing-time."

"What are you heading at?"  
"Your glow disappeared. As did your magic. But now you can produce a bit of magic. I believe it's not as strong to be honest."

"Yeah, it's not."

"Yeah, but you're not glowing. How's that even possible? Everything is so bloody messed up."

"I- I… I don't know." We all looked at each other in silence; the only sound was the dish cloth that scrubbed our plates by magic. It made a squeaking sound. Fred looked at me at first, but turned around to go back to the shop.

"Sorry."

"It's okay Georgie. You know I love you."

"Love you too, sweetie. I just had to put it out there."

~WWW~

Fred seemed to be ignoring me. I felt a bit left out so my magic ignored me as well. More and more things dropped to the floor as I felt sad. I started to swear out loud and after a while George came by, saw the things on the floor and lifted me up; and I screamed. I wasn't prepared for what he would do so I became scared. He apologized to the few costumers that were visiting at this hour; describing me as an experiment going wrong and finally carried me upstairs.

"You're tired."

"No! I'm not."

"You're stubborn as a child."

"No. I'm just sad."

"What's to be sad about, love?"

"That it's you carrying me upstairs and not him…" my voice was a whisper. He knew I didn't mean it to hurt him; he knew I just wanted to be able to love again. Love for love, and not for friendship.

"Lay down honey. I'll make you some tea." And I did as I was ordered.

I was lying with my back towards the door. When I heard his footsteps again I groaned and turned around to meet him. To my surprise, it was not George standing with a cup of tea in his hands. It was Fred.

"Here you go. Careful, it's hot." I took the cup from him and blew on it a little. "I'm sorry."

"You're awfully apologetic lately."

"Hermione. I just… I," he traced off. "What George said earlier, you know."

"That I'm not attractively glowing anymore?"

"You're always attractive. But yes. I think I know,"

"What?"

"Seriously, you're the smart one." I just shrugged and took a sip of my tea. Chamomile, I liked that! I smirked. "Stop doing that."

"What?" It felt like it was the only thing I could say.

"You smile like you think something about me, but you're not telling it. It's driving me crazy! You have to tell me what you're thinking about."

"Chamomile tea."

"Yeah, it's George's favourite." He sighed, I was acting childish.

"I think it's mine as well"

"What George said, anyway: I think I know why you're not glowing anymore."

"Really?"

"You can produce magic because you're the most determined woman I've ever laid my eyes upon. You're stubborn like hell and you never do anything half-finished." I thought about it. It might be right, but that wouldn't explain why I didn't glow so I let him finish. "You're not glowing…" he took a deep breath "because you're not happy." I locked my eyes on his. I searched for answers and clues. He did the same with me, but he gazed of my reaction. It wasn't much.

"I'm not happy?" I didn't know if it was a question or a statement. I knew that I wasn't happy, but what had that to do with my potential of dying?

"George said that when we met, when we embraced our feelings, you glowed. You performed your most advanced magic. I know you were happy. I could read every tiny bit of your thoughts through your face. You were in love."

"Yes."

"So you glowed. You glowed and had the potential of being the brightest witch of the wizarding world."

"And now I have the potential of dying." Fred looked madly at me, I knew I shouldn't say that but it was the truth. Why hide it?

"You're now glowing because you're not happy."

"Okay."

"You're not glowing because no one sees you the way I did." I looked at my hands. "You're not glowing because no one kisses you as I did. Or holds you as I did. Or touches you as I did." My eyes gathered tears, why did he say all this to me? "or loves you, the way I do." I locked my eyes upon his after his last word. _'Do'_.

He leaned closer, stroke a finger on my cheek, looked me in the eye and slowly our lips met. The world seemed to disappear and I felt infinite.


	28. A thousand years

**A/N:** Thanks guys! I really needed to smile today, so I read some old reviews of yours and it almost made me cry. I can't believe how kind you are to me. Every single word you write makes my day. Thank you, dearly. _I'm writing this for you_. This time I chose Christina Perri - A thousand years. Enjoy!**  
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**Chapter 28 – A thousand years**

I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

~WWW~

It was strange waking up and not seeing the hospital's white walls or a healer telling me to eat. I woke up to a dark room and my sweat dripping down my back. I was so warm even though I only was wearing a small tank top and panties. I turned around and I was taken aback by the beauty I beheld. Beside me was Fred. He was asleep and I didn't want to disturb him; I didn't even know what the time was. I was lying on my side looking at him. I started to think about last night.

We had kissed. He had kissed me so gently, as if he was afraid I was going to break. It had been so intense at the same time. I didn't know yet if I could make magic but I felt almost normal. We had talked a lot yesterday as well. I had told him about my sorrows and the pain I had been through. He had been understanding towards me and he had shared his awful memories as well. I felt good about being back now. I felt good about that we had talked it out and maybe, maybe we could go back to… normal. But I didn't know. I didn't know if he wanted me to be the one I was two years ago, or if he was ready for the more damaged Hermione. I wasn't the same as I was before, but I didn't think he was the same either.

I went out to the kitchen and met George in his boxer briefs, they looked quite similar from behind. I giggled a bit and greeted him.

"Morning," he grumbled and then turned around to face me "woah, hello sexy!" I raised an eyebrow, turned around to see if anyone else was standing beside me. That made him laugh out loud. "Hermione, Hermione. Seriously. Stop being so insecure. You have absolutely no idea about how fine you look. Even now, in your sleepwear."

"Urm…"

"So, what happened last night?" he sounded too excited.

"Are you sure you're not my gay best-friend?"

"And she strikes again. Ouch!"

"Sorry Georgie. Well, we kissed," I smirked and so did he "and we talked for a long while. Then we slept."

"Slept as in sleep or _sleeeep_?"

"We just slept dumbass. I'm not making that mistake again. I don't know if… Mistake or mistake. But yeah."

"Got it! Good to know. Fred always exaggerates."

"I reckon" and then I started to make some pancakes for us all three.

"You should put something on"

"It's morning, you're not wearing anything either…" I complained. I used to walk like this at their apartment a lot before.

"Yeah but you're sexier now."

"Hah!" I laughed and shook my butt to irritate him. George and I had always had such an honest relationship and he truly was my best friend. He could be the guy that told you how sexy you looked and how much he wanted to sleep with you, joking of course, or be the guy that picked out clothes for you to shop. He was a chameleon-friend. I heard Fred open the bedroom door and I blushed a little for what I was wearing. It seemed stupid to not be embarrassed by it to your friend, but to the one that you had done a lot with.

"Here's everyone naked!" Fred said and walked up behind me, put his hands on my hips and kissed my cheek.

"I just told her to put on some clothes 'cause she's too sexy." George said and laughed at the face I was making.

"I like her like this," Fred said. I raised an eyebrow and turned around completely so we were facing each other. He was also wearing boxer briefs, but I found him a ton sexier.

"I like you like this as well." I said in a low voice, but George heard and moaned at us so much he left the kitchen. We smirked and then Fred kissed me again. I was so caught up in the moment I burned the pancake.

~WWW~

Fred took me out to lunch. We had spent the first half of the day in the shop and I had been able to use magic again, I felt truly good about that. What I didn't expect was the place he took me to. It was a restaurant we had been to a long time ago, and when I got there he told me close my eyes. As I did he led me through the door. When I was allowed to open my eyes I was stunned. All the Weasley's were standing in front of me, Harry was there and so was Teddy. Even my parents. I started to bawl like a child and was quickly embraced by my parents. I hadn't met them in so long. I had visited them when I came back to London, they lived quite a bit outside of London, but not since. Then Harry came by my side and I hugged him, and Ron, and Teddy and even Percy. Then, beside Mrs. Weasley stood Ginny. She was a little pale but seemed to be alright. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. We embraced each other in silence and I gave her a big kiss on her cheek.

"I'm never letting you see me in the hospital again." I said and she smirked.

"I love you"

"Love you too." And we both cried: both of relief and nervousness. Then Mrs. Weasley cut in and told us all to sit and I got placed with Ginny on one side and Ron on the other. Fred and George were in front of me and I couldn't be more satisfied.

~WWW~

When we all had eaten us stuffed we talked, and talked. Everyone seemed to be in harmony with each other and my parents were so happy they could see all of us, especially me. My parents had met the Weasley family before, but it was a long time ago. They had accepted me being a witch and leaving me with free hands in the magical world. They had no saying in my ability so they had nowhere to stretch rules. They trusted me. I sometimes felt guilty leaving them behind, but I knew I would make it up to them someday.

Ron took me aside after a while; wanting to speak with me.

"I owled Nathaniel."

"You did?"

"Yeah, we met the other day. I actually told him half the truth."

"What?"

"Well, not like… everything. But I said we lived in a different kind of world and that I knew you cared for him but you wouldn't be able to see him."

"I'm not in love with him, Ronald!"

"Yeah, yeah. I know! He told me that as well, he really enjoyed being your friend. He had also understood that we were different from the moment he had laid his eyes upon you. I told him that you're still sick, but you're improving. So you're free to talk to him whenever you want but you don't need to worry about him being left out or hurt."

"Thank you…" I wasn't sure what I would say. Was I grateful or angry? But I knew it wasn't smart of me being with a muggle just after receiving my magic again. I needed to be able to perform at any second. I would probably go and see him when I was truly healthy again. He could probably be a good distraction from the hectic magic world if I needed that sometimes.

~WWW~

Everything seemed to be so right in this moment that I forgot that I had to go back to St. Mungo's the next morning. I was being hugged and talked to. I felt immeasurable. After a while people started to go back home and I thanked everyone dearly for the surprise. It had been the most amazing day. I hadn't had this feeling for so long; I felt cured. Fred came back to me, looked me in the eye and smiled.

"You're so beautiful when you're smiling" he told me. I smiled even more and he kissed my lips. I saw from the corner of my eye that the people who were left noticed us and I heard whispers. I didn't mind it though. It was time.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"You are glowing." I looked down on my arms and saw the shimmer that for me was unknown. It felt so surrealistic.

"I do…"

"I hope you don't have to be at that place for so long. I want you back into my arms."

"You do?"

"Yeah, of course I do! Baby, what do you think? I am in love with you. I have been in love with you since forever. I will always love you. You only have to promise one thing…"

"Anything."

"Don't leave me ever again."

"I promise," I looked at my shoes; embarrassed. He held up my chin.

"You're everything to me."

"Let's go home." And I apparated both of us back to the apartment. Without a scratch on anyone. Shimmering.


	29. I choose you

A/N: Thanks for waiting. It's been a rough week, but I'm glad it's a new one now. A small new start. I just want to make you ready: there isn't a lot of chapters left now... Feel it? gaaaah... almost makes me tear up. THANK YOU!

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**Chapter 29 – I choose you**

You led me down from my ledge  
Gave my circle a brand new edge  
You found the pieces left of me  
Sewed them together carefully

And I'm not gonna lie to you  
I'm not gonna do the things I've learned I should do  
I'm not gonna hide  
'Cause I choose you

~WWW~

I remember telling you about love. We were lying in the grass, it was early summer and the sun was just set. The beautiful small clouds were puffy and pink and I thought I was dreaming. I was dreaming of a paradise with you. The world seemed to be such an awful big thing and I didn't want anything else than that I had. I was fine just here, beside you. Now I think about now. What is love? What is the time that we spent apart? The time is nothing but adventure or finding yourself. Growing up into someone you're not used to be. But it's okay. Everyone changes.

~WWW~

I think I see the world with different eyes tonight. I wasn't quite sure how healthy I was just yet but I felt like I had beaten death. I had almost given up; just the thought of it now makes me scared. I feel alright now. I feel like I belong here, in a life with a trouble maker and his brother. It suited me just fine. I loved every second they made me laugh or scream. I loved every moment they looked at me. George always had such a concern look when he looked at me, and for some reason I liked it. It felt like he truly cared about me and that was the greatest feeling on earth: being cared for. Fred only had shimmer in his eyes. He was usually the one to be a bit more pessimistic but not when he looked at me. His eyes gloomed and I saw nothing but true love.

Tomorrow I was going back to St. Mungo's. I was trying not to think about it; meaning I would have to leave all my good feelings behind. George said I would be back as soon I was going to say Mischief Managed. I wanted to trust him, but you never knew. Love, freedom and happiness were on the horizon and I was holding on tight.

~WWW~

"You alright honey?"

"Yeah, just writing in my journal."

"I made you some hot chocolate." He gave me the cup

"Thank you." I took it, sipped a little and gave him a smile. It tasted delicious. "Thank you for today as well. It meant a lot to me, you know that?"

"I will always try to fill your heart's desires, darling."

"You're the only desire I'm craving."

"Is that so?"

"Uh-uh." I said and nodded. He smirked at me, took the cup from my hands and placed it on the night stand. He cupped my cheek in his hands and looked me in the eye.

"I will remember you like this." Then he kissed me gently and stroked my neck. I let him stroke his fingers down my neck, to my collarbone. He stopped kissing my lips, instead he kissed my shoulders, collarbones and every spot he saw. I leaned my head back a bit and was overwhelmed with his lovely touches. He mumbled sweet things to me as he kissed my upper body and I smiled. I saw from the corner of my eye that my skin was once again glowing. I knew I wanted this. I knew I wanted to be his.

"Freddie?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I am nothing without you."

"You are yourself by yourself." I found his lips again and we let our mouths speak through silence and touches. I stroke my fingers on his back and I felt his smile through our kisses, I smiled as well. I waved my wand and the muggle radio Mr. Weasley had given Fred played some beautiful music.

"I love this song…"

"I love you."

"Of course you do."

"Shut it, you…" we laughed and we lied down beside each other. I saw through the window that the sky was bright orange, the sun had set. It made me think of the future.

"Do you we have a plan?"

"A plan?"

"For… tomorrow. Or, maybe after that."

"Yeah. Of course. You will get healthy, come back and we will figure everything out then."

"That doesn't sound much like a plan."

"Stop being your 14 year old self and kiss me." I obeyed his order and he gently pushed himself closer towards me. I pulled off his shirt and took a deep breath; he was so bloody stunning. I let my fingers slide down his stomach and I felt the muscles and I almost heard his heart beating fast.

"You're nervous?" I asked

"Perhaps."

"Why?"

"Because I haven't felt like this since you left." I looked at him but he had closed his eyes. Maybe I wasn't the only one who had had strange feelings since I left. I let him continue his search for my skin and I embraced every moment from him. We embraced each other for hours and I almost swore that I had never felt this kind of love before.

We had both grown, maybe into new people, but we had still the chemistry and energy between us that made every touch incredible. I had forgotten about the roar from my inner when the love between us entered into space. It was endless, beautiful, and rare.

~WWW~

I awoke in the middle of the night; not knowing what woke me. I sat up and saw Fred beside me, half naked, sleeping like an angel. I smiled a little – his presence made me stop worrying about the morning. I wish he could join me though; I would be so much stronger if so. I placed myself back on my pillow and Fred moved closer to me in his sleep. I let him hold me tight and I quickly fell asleep.

I dreamt of an angel that night. I had a feeling I had seen this angel before; that the angel had taken something from me. But I wasn't sure until the angel bent down beside me and explained. I didn't know if the angel was a male or a female. It was light and had fiery black eyes. It was both frightening and soothing. I couldn't feel it but I saw the whole body; transparent but yet not.

"_We wanted you to find yourself by not letting anything else stop you. We wanted you to find strength and happiness."_

"But I failed you."

"_No, little girl. You didn't. Feel what you feel right now? It is happiness and love, right? You found it. Don't you think you almost took it for granted before?" _I had no answer to this, so the angel continued._ "You are strong. You are fierce. I am giving this back to you." _The angel held a shining light in its palms._ "This is the fire you have been missing. This is the love you are capable of feeling. This is the happiness that you deserve. This is everything you desire." _I accepted the light and a wind flew through my body and sent me back to earth.

~WWW~

I smelled something delicious. It was pancakes that were standing on my nightstand with a flower in a vase beside it. There was a note as well so I read it.

"Dear love of ours. We headed out tonight to fill some supplies.

We are back before your appointment. We love you.

And P.S. – we charmed the pancakes to stay warm until you ate them. Take care."

I smiled, kissed the note and placed the pancakes in my lap. I ate quickly. I had strength. I was thinking about the dream but I didn't really know what it meant. Did it mean that I was healthy? When I had eaten I got dressed quickly in long shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I put some music on from the muggle radio and danced around the apartment. I needed to be free one last time and I needed to stretch my so called wings. I sang and danced until I heard the lock unlock. I was bathing in sweat and I just stood in the middle of the room. I felt so embarrassed but I decided to continue to do my crazy-dance. The guys called after me when they saw me and George was lying on the floor while laughing. I smiled and laughed with him. Fred joined me and his moves made me roll on the floor. We all embraced each other on the floor and the music stopped by the wave of Fred's wand.

"So you're up?"

"So you've been out all night?"

"We had to."

"What time is it?"

"It's soon." I knew what he meant. I got up, ran into the bedroom, changed outfit while making my magic pack my bag. I came back with a bit better style and I received a kiss on the cheek from both the boys.

"You look different today honey."

"I do?"

"Yeah," George agreed.

"I met an angel" I said but they only smiled at me; thinking I probably made it up.

"Ready?"

"As much as I can be." I took both of their arms and they apparated me to outside of St. Mungo's.

"Please pick me up soon."


	30. As if we never said goodbye

**A/N:** Sorry for once again not updating. I have no excuse. I'm truly sorry. I hope this will make you feel better. It took a long time to get to this point. Thank you for all your support! I chose 'As if we never said goodbye' original by Barbara Streisand but I chose the performance by Chris Colfer. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 30- As if we never said goodbye **

I've spent so many mornings just trying to resist you  
I'm trembling now, you can't know how I've missed you  
Missed the fairy tale adventure  
In this ever spinning playground  
We were young together

And the magic in the making  
Yes, everything's as if we never said goodbye

I don't want to be alone  
That's all in the past  
This world's waited long enough  
I've come home at last!

And this time will be bigger  
And brighter than we knew it  
So watch me fly, we all know I can do it

~WWW~

You know the feeling you get when you visit your aunt you hardly have any kind of relationship with and she hugs you like you are some kind of hero? Yeah, I got that from the healers. I had been acting like an arse to the healers; not wanting to eat or participate. They were so nice to me I actually felt bad about being such.

"We have been following your statics Miss Granger and you are really getting better. I am so proud of you!"

"Thank you…"

"You have a new room now." There were three healers around me and I was overwhelmed with all their support.

"Alright,"

"It's not as big as your last but you'll like it," my main healer told me. "It's for a good reason." My healer winked and smiled a crooked smile. I raised an eyebrow but decided to just follow him. We walked through a corridor I hadn't been to before and he asked me how I was feeling.

"I feel good. I think at least. I had an amazing time. I met everyone. Everyone!"

"Yes, Mr. Weasley told me about all his plans."

"Really?"

"Well, he had to. We had to know what you were going to do. To see if your strength had anything to do with your activities." I thought about the night I had spent with Fred, I hoped that was improvised from him; I didn't want the healers to know about my love life. I followed him into a room. It was quite small; only a little bed and a chair beside it. Was I going to stay here for weeks? In this small room?

"Don't worry. We'll get you out." He said and left me to unpack. I decided to use magic. I wanted to use magic as much as I could and even if no one was watching me right now; I knew they would be able to see my magic level later. I felt okay now. It wasn't good to be back at St. Mungo's but it felt okay anyway. I needed to prove that I was once again healthy – that I had beaten death – and then they would probably let me out again. Back to my boys. Back to Fred.

~WWW~

I had behaved excellent today. I ate everything on my plate and I conversed with my healers without being rude. I think they were happy to see me act like a normal human being for once. I went to bed late; I had examined my room but there was not much to see. I was a bit disappointed and I didn't really know why I had to change room. The 'we'll get you out' comment from my healer was weird as well. Did he mean that I was going to change room or did he want me out from St. Mungo's? I went to sleep and my night was dreamless.

"Love…"

"Mrhm…"

"Come on, love. Wake up."

"Wh- What?" I was awoken by Fred. Once again had he sneaked in through all St. Mungo's security.

"Hi. I missed you. Couldn't sleep." He said and I made some room for him in my bed while he placed himself under my blanket. He was a tad cold so I covered him with my legs and arms. He hummed beautiful in my ear. This was so peaceful. I didn't even care if the healers would enter now. I was feeling absolutely marvelous. I quickly fell back to sleep in his arms and his love surrounding my soul.

~WWW~

The next morning he was gone. Just like before. I was filled with strength and walked out from my room before any healer came to wake me. It was nice to be able to talk while I was here. They all greeted me with surprise but I was eager to make myself look the best I could. I just wanted out!

They took my measurements from my magic and strength and they all congratulated me on how well I was doing. It felt great. I trained some magic with my healer once more. We did a lot of things and I did everything I was asked to do. When I had done everything I could the door to the training room opened. In walked Mrs. McGonagall and I jumped in excitement.

"Mrs. McGonagall!" I screamed and walked fast towards her, hugged her gently and smiled.

"It's wonderful to see your smile, Miss Granger."

"It's wonderful to see you. I have to talk to you!"

"Is that so?"

"Oh, indeed."

"We will talk tonight. First I want you to perform some magic with me." I smiled again and nodded. We walked towards my healer and he greeted Mrs. McGonagall.

"Minerva, so nice to see you. I will leave you and Miss Granger alone, but I'll be in the supervising room." She nodded as her answer and he left the room.

"Miss Granger. I want you to produce a patronus." I nodded and took a deep breath. It was very difficult to produce a patronus and you had to be able to think about happy memories. I raised my wand. "No, wait." I stopped just before I was going to flick. "Just not a regular corporeal patronus, but a message one."

"What?" it felt weird having her say 'regular' as if there was no difficulty in performing this kind of magic.

"Yes. This is the most advanced kind of patronus and you have be able to perform this before they declare you healthy."

"But I have never performed a message patronus. And to who would I chose to send it?"

"That is your responsibility and choice. This is the moment to declare your love, your happiness and that you are in control of both your body and mind." She dared me. I felt it. I locked my eyes on hers and I raised my wand.

I closed my eyes, braced myself, took another deep breath and flicked my wand. I cried

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" but only a little blue smoke emerged from my wand. I cursed and Mrs. McGonagall raised her eyebrow. She was disappointed, she thought I would make it, but I was so eager to control this. I needed to control it. I needed my brain to control my body and not the other way around. I braced myself, and whispered

"_Expetco patronum._" At first nothing happened, then – a blue light and my otter slowly emerged from my wand. It collected the thoughts from me to the message, turned itself into a glowing ball of light and slowly raised itself through the roof. I knew where it was going.

~WWW~

"You had something to say Miss Granger." She knocked on my door and placed herself in the chair beside my bed. I was sitting and reading on my bed. I smiled and greeted her. I was pleased by my performance and felt good about myself.

"Thank you for joining me."

"My pleasure. What's on your mind?"

"Well, the night before I came back to St. Mungo's I dreamt something. It was fantastic, but I wonder if you could tell me something about it."

"Tell me Miss Granger."

"I dreamt of an angel. I have no idea if there was a female or a male but it came to me and it gave something back to me."

"You have to be more specific."

"It told me that _they_ wanted me to find my strength without anything else stopping me. Then the angel gave me some kind of light which it told me contained the love, happiness and all my desires. I'm feeling better after the meeting but I don't get it. No one has ever told me about angels Mrs. McGonagall." She looked worried. She searched my eyes for more clues and when I thought she found something and she sighed deeply.

"There is no such thing as angels, Miss Granger."

"So you're telling me this was just a fictional dream?"

"No."

"Wh-"

"Let me explain. There are ghosts in the magical world. But you did not meet a ghost; you would've noticed and recognized them. After all, there are a lot of ghosts at Hogwarts. I am…" she stopped talking out loud and it seemed like she wanted to tell me something but wasn't sure if she could. I was eager to know!

"Please Mrs. McGonagall. This is really important to me. I need to know what came to me. Why my strength was taken and why it was given back."

"You met Dumbledore, Miss Granger."

"Dumbledore? How is that even possible?"

"Dumbledore was a man with many powers. After his chose of death the powers remained intact, but unreachable for anyone. Only one true could control the elder wand. That was Harry Potter. Mr. Potter destroyed the curse as he destroyed the wand; you saw that yourself, Miss Granger. But what he didn't destroy was the unreachable magic within Dumbledore. He met with Harry at his deathbed once, didn't he?"

"So I died? Just like Harry?"

"No, you didn't die. Your body surrounded within itself and Dumbledore gave you back the strength you left behind."

"How could I ever leave it behind? It didn't just blow out the window you know. I was crushed."

"My child, do you not see? Strength is something that never goes away for good. It leaves you for a moment but you will always have it back. If help is what one seek then one will be certain to be granted if one is deserving enough." I was quiet for a long time after she had spoken. I didn't know what to believe at this moment. Had I met Dumbledore in a form of white? It seemed impossible.

"Why did he wait until now then? I was in need of it a long time ago."

"You will see that craving for something might not always be the answer; deserving on the other hand…" she spoke in riddles.

"What did I do to deserve?"

"You loved, my child." and Mrs. McGonagall left me with a squeeze on my leg. I had met Dumbledore once again. I was capable of loving again. Dumbledore's words, through Harry, echoed in my head _'Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, those who live without love.'_

I knew now that I had made the right choice sending my patronus to the "angel" above.


	31. Friends

**A/N: **So it's been a long while once again. But this time I'm smiling because I fought for my driver's licence. YES! My country has _cruel_ rules on driving cars.. But now I'm able! :D I chose Band of Skulls with Friends.

* * *

**Chapter 31 – Friends**

All the time that I'm waitin', waitin'  
Waitin for the moment you are mine  
The song about yeah I'm thinkin', thinkin'  
Thinkin all the things that I've done wrong  
All the time yeah I was forgettin'  
You were mine all along

I need love  
Cause only love is true  
I need every weekend out with you  
And my friends cause they're so beautiful  
Yeah my friends they are so beautiful

~WWW~

I felt so crowded in my room the next morning; it was too small for being in a whole day. I needed air and I needed nature. I wanted to run through the high grass around the burrow or through the forest beside my parents' house. I decided to go to the roof top. I didn't know if I were allowed to but if I asked I would probably be turned down. Who was Hermione Granger without some risks in her life?

It was amazing to feel the fresh air and the blowy wind from the treetops. I wanted to be able to fly without a broom and fly high, high as a bird. But I couldn't fly and I hardly flew the broom either. I went back inside and met the healers at breakfast. My little adventure went past unnoticed.

I felt weird after the talk with Mrs. McGonagall. I was happy as well. I was really happy that I had met Dumbledore. I just wished I had known it was him; I think I needed advice.

"You haven't seen this thoughtful before Miss Granger. Something wrong?"

"No, no. It's just a lot to process you know. I feel good, I really do. I'm just probably getting back to normal. I used to be a boring bookworm you know." I said and smirked. The healer smirked with me and patted me on my shoulder. A bit stiff but I got it; she was happy I was happy. I ate in silence and read some magazines that were left on the table.

"Miss Granger." I jumped in surprise, startled I said

"Y- Yes sir?"

"I have spoken with Minerva and we have made a decision about your health."

"Oh?"

"As you know your disease was untreatable. We have…"

"Was?"

"Once again Miss Granger: let me finish. We have no records of this disease and therefore there are no clues about your coming symptoms. The results from your energy and magic the last few days have been excellent. You have hardly showed any result too low. Any magical creature has up and downs in their magic level; it's like glucose - the level goes up and down." I snorted a bit to his comparison. "But from studying you we have learned a lot new. The magical level doesn't just relay on the daily up and downs – it also rely on your happiness."

"But why is it only me?"

"It's probably not, Miss Granger. It was probably just very clear when it happened to you. You went from blessed to depressed in a heartbeat. You went from being one of the magical world's most successful witches to nothing. Your change was very evident."

"I'm thinking about the dementors, sir. They make you feel cold, unhappy and…"

"You don't have to describe the feeling Miss Granger. I know it very well."

"Uerhm, yes. Well, Harry succeeded at producing the Patronus charm when in presence of them. You're probably not in your most happy place then."

"Yes, but not every wizard does. Harry Potter is a very special wizard who has survived a lot more than any other wizard would. If you think back again to the day you left. Were you able to use magic when you decided to leave?"

"Yes, bu-"

"Exactly. You chose this as well. You didn't choose to become unhappy, but you chose to live in solitude for a long time without any magic surrounding you. Your body probably decided to creep into dormancy; back to your birth form."

"Without magic?"

"Yes."

"So I chose to die?"

"You chose a certain path."

"That led me to near death."

"Yeah."

"Why would I do that to myself?"

"You didn't choose knowingly, your inner self chose to become the form of your birth. The non-magical one. But Hermione-" this was the first time he used my name, "you are not on your way to death. You are on your way to freedom and happiness. You deserve happiness and you deserve to have the most amazing life you possibly can lay your hands upon."

"Thank you sir."

"With that said, you're getting send home."

"What?"

"Yes, but you have to come back and control your levels every other week for the next seven months. This is to be sure of your health and to see and understand your disease. Go and pack!" he said to me and smiled. I jumped and hugged him dearly. I was so happy I could go back to Fred again. I needed him. I really did.

~WWW~

"There's my giiirl!" two voices said together and I dropped my bag, sprinted towards them and both picked me up in a big hug.

"I love you!" I said to both Fred and George and they each gave me a kiss on the cheek. George took my bag and Fred my hand and they led me through the hospital's doors.

"Ready?"

"No, wait."

"What?"

"Hold my hand." I said as I felt like it was my turn to apparate them to their apartment; so I did. I did so successfully as well.

"Bloody hell, Hermione. You did it!"

"Of course I did."

"Honey I'm so proud of you."

"What's to be proud of?" I said with a wink and went into their kitchen. They followed me. "What?"

"You apparated not just you, but us two, a long way on your first try and not even a single hair was damaged."

"I was once told I was the brightest witch of my age."

"Hermione?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell us about the angel." I turned around to face them. I didn't think that they had thought I was serious about that.

"There was no angel,"

"Don't try to cove-"

"I wasn't done Frederick." He gulped, there weren't a lot of times I used his full name. "I didn't meet an angel. I met Dumbledore." Both of the boys' jaws dropped. "Dumbledore gave me back my strength and my magic. He gave my desire back."

"Wh- What?" George stumbled upon his words.

"I talked with Mrs. McGonagall at St. Mungo's. She told me about Dumbledore. This is it. I didn't die as Harry did. I kind of just visited. The life between. It's like when you're about to fall asleep, there's a thing between sleep and awake. I was there, but in between life and death instead." They didn't say anything. So I started to grab some dishes that needed to be cleaned.

"You don't have to do that." George finally said.

"Why not?" I said and shrugged. I felt both of them still shocked behind me but I let the truth sink in for them. I didn't hear anyone approaching so I was a bit startled when I felt arms coming from behind; holding me. At first I thought it was Fred, but George's arms were different and these were different. I turned around to slip into an embrace. We held each other until I heard a soft sobbing from above and from the side. I looked up and I saw both boys crying. Had George been crying all the time? I backed away and looked shocked.

"I didn't die dammit!"

"But you visited death!" Fred hissed

"No, I did not. I visited Dumbledore. He's not the one who picks the dead or the alive. He just reminded me of the strength I have within me. Stop being so…"

"So what?"

"So… Me. Stop crying!" and the boys laughed with tears streaming down their faces.


	32. Hometown Glory

Hey guys! I have finally a little less on my hands and I am in the mood of writing! So here's the 32nd chapter. I hope you enjoy it! This time I received inspiration from our favourite** Adele! **- xx L

* * *

**Chapter 32 – Hometown glory**

I've been walking in the same way as I did

And missing out the cracks in the pavement

And tutting my heel and strutting my feet

"Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I could call?

No, and thank you, please madam, I ain't lost, just wandering"  
Round my hometown, memories are fresh

Round my hometown, ooh, the people I've met

Are the wonders of my world

~WWW~

The pavement was cracking beneath me. The wind was cold and made my teeth chatter. But it didn't matter. I was happy. I was living with my boyfriend, and my best friend. Those two made my daily life a wonderful adventure. Fred had been careful with me at the beginning; not entirely sure how to handle me. I guessed he was afraid to break me again. George on the other hand, who always knew how to handle situations, knew that I was myself again – just more. Hermione plus. I was unconditionally happy. In love. I felt my aura once again glowing. This time it wasn't actually a light coming out from me, it was just me spreading happiness.

There had been a few months since I was ordered to go home. I had to go back to St. Mungo's every once and a while but I didn't mind it. I had become close friends with my healers now and they told me they saw an amazing development.

I apparated back to our apartment, which I now called home, and put the bag with groceries on the kitchen table. I heard the floor rattle a bit and I knew George was home. He always made such a noise when he was hungry.

"I can't express enough how much easier our lives have become since you started shopping…"

"I know you're busy with work. Both of you!" I had at first helped out in the twin's shop, but they didn't need me so I applied for a job at Flourish and Blotts. I started working the very next day. The hours were quite few, and the payment as well – but I loved it. I had almost read every book in the store now and I tried making the manager order new ones. He was unwillingly in this matter; already been bitten once by The Monster Book of Monsters.

"Love you, 'Mione" George said, leaned in and gave me a peck on my chin. I laughed and smacked his bum. He would always be my very best friend. Of course I had Harry and Ronald, but there was something else with them. We had conquered a war together; which made our relationship so much more complicated. I loved them both, though. George sat down at the table.

"Been to St. Mungo's recently?"

"Yeah, yesterday. I enjoyed it at first; you know making sure I was still healthy. But now when I've been healthy for a long time I just wish I could get out of there. I don't want to remember that time anymore."

"No more scary tests?"

"No, they're just checking the usual. I haven't tested magic in a long time."

"But you do it regularly right?"

"Of course, honey." I answered, waved my wand and the dinner started to cook itself. George smirked at my attempt at being serious with comedy. "Is Fred coming home tonight?"

"'Course. But he'll be late. He asked me to take care of you."

"I hate it that you have changed your schedule."

"But we get to spend more time with you, sugar."

"Doesn't feel like it."

"Want to sleep with me tonight?" I nodded, a bit embarrassed by the note that I wasn't capable of sleeping alone yet. "Okay babe." I stood, and helped my magic with dinner. I was making chicken with curry and rice.

After dinner I was planning to do some research. I hadn't been able of sleeping alone since I got home from St. Mungo's. I had slept alone once since, and I had been dreaming bad dreams – once again about dying. I had woken up covered in sweat, screaming. What really fascinated me though was that I could be alone awake. I spent most of my days alone in the bookstore. After that night Fred and George changed their schedule. Before they were always together, but now they changed so there always would be someone at home when I got home from work. They had other help in the store so that wasn't a problem. But I knew they would rather be there together. I had told them I was okay, but hey… who listens to me?

I had bought a book today. It was about bad dreams for witches and wizards, and what they meant. I sat down in my favorite chair and lit the fire. Before I had started reading though, George came in – dancing. I heard music from his room and I laughed at him. Silly George! He danced a very funny dance and made me forget about the book. He took my hands and dragged me out of my chair. We danced something that was called Disco. I had read that in a book sometime, but it fascinated me that he knew about it. After a while I saw him waving his wand and the music changed. It was a slow beat and he closed the distance between us. He lay his hands on my hip and I put my around his neck. I rested my head upon his chest. He was always warm, funny and understanding.

"Once I thought you loved me" he whispered into my ear

"George, I have always loved you"

"I know. I love you too. But you know what I mean…" I didn't so I stopped dancing and looked at George's face.

"What?"

"Don't you understand?"

"No, I actually don't."

"Well. I know you love me as a friend, and that's exactly how I love you as well. But one time… a time when you and Fred had a rough path… Well before this…" he sighed, I had never seen George stumble upon his words. "you came to me. You and I had the most amazing time together and you have always been so close to me." I took a step back. "Hermione, no. I'm not trying to scare you. I just want to know. Did you ever consider it?" I stared at him and I had no idea what to say. I remembered that time quite well. I had longed for George one time. But he shouldn't know that. It wasn't his to know. I had never wanted a relationship with him.

"Hermione?"

"Uh, what?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah…"

"I know it's hard. I'm not asking you to love me like that now. I just want to know."

"Why?"

"Because I loved you once. Like that."


	33. Your protector

I really hope you enjoyed the last one! :D This time I used Fleet Foxes - your protection as inspiration. xx - L

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**Chapter 33 - Your protector**

Your protector's coming home  
Keep your secrets with you, girl  
Safe from the outside world

You walk along the stream  
Your head caught in a waking dream  
Your protector's coming home  
Coming home

As you lay to die beside me, baby  
On the morning that you came  
Would you wait for me?  
The other one would wait for me

~WWW~

"George…"

"Hermione, I'm not asking you to love me. I don't love you like that anymore. I did once, and I need you to know that."

"Why?"

"Why? Because you're an ama-"

"No, I meant why do I need to know that?"

"It's only fair."

"George. For the love of God, fair? How is that fair? Do you want me to think about you when I am fucking your brother?" I screamed. I was furious.

"Wh- what?"

"Can't you see I am perfectly fine with having you as my best friend?"

"I am too."

"Then why did you bring it up, you bloody…." George took a step back. He knew better than to mess with me. I let my guard down a bit and relaxed my body. I saw George doing it as well.  
"I'm sorry. And no, I don't want you to think at me… like that. I only wanted to be straight and honest with you. I love you. As a friend, of course."

"You stupid boy…" I sighed and punched him loosely on his arm. He smiled a bit and carefully took a step towards me again. I let him do it. He closed the little distance that was left, held two fingers under my chin and kissed my cheek right beside my mouth. Sometimes I wondered if he wanted to drive me crazy.

I knew I was forced to sleep beside him tonight. Not forced in a violate way, just by my bloody mind. So I started to read the book I bought yesterday. There was a lot of goof in this book which made me nervous about trusting it. Some happy dreams showed the way you were supposed to die. But dreams about dying didn't really have anything to do with my death. It could be worry about others, my health or stress. I had all three. I was always worried about my beloved ones, and the sickness always made me worry about my health. The problem was that it didn't say how to get rid of it. I wanted to prove to the rest of them that I was capable of sleeping alone, and not giving George the satisfaction of first humiliating me and then having to sleep beside me. No. It hurt so much though.

"Did you ever tell Fred?"

"Tell him what?"

"Well, what do you think?"

"Oh…"

"You haven't?" He smiled.

"Of course I have." He shrugged and continued mixing new potions or whatever. I was taken aback. He had?

"What?"

"Yeah?"

"How…how did he take it?"

"Wow, I don't really remember."

"You don't remember?"  
"Well it was a long time ago sweetheart."

"Don't you sw-"

"Hush!" he snapped and took a hold of my finger I was holding up. "Yeah, I told him right after it had happened. He forgave me. It wasn't a big deal since nothing happened and you weren't even aware of the fact. It's not a big deal. I just wanted to say it."

"Why did you think about it now then?"

"I read in my journal."

"You write journals?"

"I used to, when I was feeling down." I looked at him. George was one of the most complicated people I had ever met. He had so close to emotions you almost could touch them as they changed. He could be laughing one second, and the next be the deepest person in the room. I had never understood that. "Are you sleeping with me tonight?"

"I won't." he looked at me in disbelief.

"Don't make it hard for yourself just because I'm a douche." He touched my cheek. "I want you to be safe. That's the only thing that matters to me. I will always be your protector." I was stunned. Protector… That was beautiful. I had never seen him like that, but I agreed. I smiled with tears in my eyes and he stood to hug me. "You and Fred are the most important people to me. I know my brother probably loves you more than I do, but I'm not far behind. Let me hold you tonight, and we'll talk with Fred tomorrow. Alright sweetie?" he sometimes talked to me as a child, but I think I needed it at times. I nodded through tears and let him embrace me for a long time.

~WWW~

We were lying in George's bed. We usually just talked for a little while then go to sleep. But this night was different. We both were exhausted from our dispute but we both knew we had to talk.

"I'm not sure I can answer your question…" I started.

"What question?"

"About me loving you or not."

"Why?"

"Because I was really never sure. I have always loved you, you know. I didn't know when or if the love transformed into another kind of love. I just loved you. It was just love. I care about you and Fred like I have never cared about anyone before. I was so scared and worried about you guys when Harry, Ronald and I were out in the war."

"_You_ were worried?"

"Well yeah… Diagon Alley had been shut to… nothing. And you two lived here. In the middle of no safety. Well, anyway… I have always cared about you. Your warmth, care, and your _protection_ has always been love for me. I have never seen you as anything else than that."

"Have you ever wanted to kiss me?"

"I kiss you all the time" I said and smiled.

"Yeah, but like for real?"

"Like I do with Fred? I don't know. I have never considered it. Weren't you with Angelina at that time?"  
"No, we started going out after the war. Remember?"

"Really? I always thought you were dating at school."

"Nah, well we wanted to of course… but who had the courage? Except Fred and you of course." I held his hand. He had such courage. I wish I was more like him. Both of them, both of my protectors. This was my family now. "Angelina and I broke up."

"What?"

"Yeah… It wasn't working. Well I- I don't know. She broke up with me."

"Oh my god, George. That's why you've been so down? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't know how to put it."

"So you decided to say that you once loved me instead? You are truly a douche." I saw a smile through the dark room. "I am sorry. I know how much she meant to you." I crawled closer and held him.

"Thanks for being my protector as well." I smiled and stroke his back.

"What happened? I thought you were going to propose to her?"

"I- what? No. That's the problem I guess. I never wanted to be married and that. I want a relationship, but yeah."

"Your mother is going to be furious when she finds out you don't want to marry."

"I know."

"Do you think Fred wants to get married?"

"Well he has proposed to you once, right?" I smirked at his comment.

"Do you think he'll do it again?"

"You'll have to wait and see" another voice said and I turned around. Fred was standing in the doorway, smiling. He only had pants on and I felt butterflies in my stomach. Why did he always look so stunning?

"How long have you been home, brother?"

"I just came home; I heard whispers so I went straight here."

"Want to join our cuddle castle?" He smirked, took of his pants and crawled beside me.

"This is heaven." I said and both of them laughed.

"Two sexy boys beside you?" they both said at the exact same time which made all of us laugh.

"That too, but I meant being here, between the two best people in the entire world. I love you so much." Both gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"She knows now, Fred." George said simply and I smacked his stomach. I wasn't expecting him to say anything to Fred. Not in my presence anyway. "ouch" George said as I jumped from the bed and ran out in the living room. I sat down in the couch and started crying. I didn't want Fred to think I was okay with it and only slept beside him because of that. No one of them came from the room so I thought they were arguing. _Shit._

After a while they came out from the room, holding each other's shoulders like they did after a game of Quidditch. They found me crying and George sat by my side and Fred bent down in front of me.

"Don't be sad honey."

"Aren't you angry with me?"

"Why would I be?"

"Because … because!"

"George told me about this a long time ago. He spoke about it a couple of weeks ago and I wanted him to tell you."

"You wanted him to tell me? Why in the world?"

"Because neither of us knows why you choose me."

"Choose? Do you think I choose between you? Are you nuts?"

"Well…"

"Frederick. I fell in love with you the second you said my name. I have no idea why it was just you. There's just something. And George… I fell in love with you too. But not in love-love. I just fell for you; for your kindness. George did you want me? Did you choose me?"

"When I saw your awe for my brother I knew I never would get you so I didn't think about you like that. I have always admired you, though." George said.

"Admired?" both Fred and I said.

"For being capable of falling in love in a red second. I have never seen anyone just crashing into a wall like you did. I remember it so well." Fred looked at his brother for a long time, looking like he thought about something really hard. Then he changed his gaze to me and buried his beautiful eyes into mine. It was like we were watching the same memory.

_I was once again at Hogwarts. It was the third grade and I was running through the corridor; if I wouldn't I would be late to class. I had spent too much time thinking. I didn't know what was happening to me, but I knew I shouldn't go to another Quidditch game. He was there. I had no idea what the strange feeling meant. I shouldn't be thinking about him. He had never spoken to me. I kept my head down and ran the fastest I could. The next turn was empty so I crossed the hallway a little and – bam. I ran into someone. My books were everywhere. _

_"Woah!" I heard his voice, and I looked down. I saw George's shoes beside me._

_"Are you okay?" George said to me. I nodded and tried to gather my books. _

_"Here, let me help me." Fred offered and started helping me. I shook my head and kept quiet. _

_"Hermione, are you sure you're okay?" Fred said and raised my head by holding two fingers under my chin, making me look at him. His eyes were covered in concern; not the heat, and mischief they used to be. I quit breathing for a second, and it seemed like he did too. I stood quickly and ran away with the three books I had gathered. _

We recovered to reality and looked at each other. Did he see the same thing as I did? Was that even possible? I had almost forgotten that meeting. That meeting was the moment of first love. I blinked. He did too. I smiled, and I smiled towards George as well. We smiled, they held me – and life was both beautiful and simple again.


	34. Dear True Love

**A/N: **Alright guys... This is the next to last chapter in this story. It'll be one more, but then the fairytale is over. I'm planning to write another fanfic soon, preferably around Christmas, which contains mostly George and Fred. I really hope you enjoy this chapter because this is what I was longing for to write. This song is by Sleeping At Last. Thank you for your wonderful reviews, I would be thrilled to see if the reviews would reach 170! :D I love you so much guys, thanks for supporting me in this journey.** xx - L **

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**Chapter 34 - Dear True Love**

So with this ring  
May you always know one thing  
What little that I have to give  
I will give it all to you  
You're my one true love

~WWW~

_Fred's point of view. _

"How's it going brother?" I heard George's voice from the door. I was as nervous I could ever be.

"Well… I'm not sure about which-" I didn't even had time to finish my sentence before he opened the door and stated his thought.

"The bowtie."

"Are you sure?"

"Well it's our trademark." He said and whirled his bowtie from the shop.

"Why are you wearing that? It's a very special day. You should be wearing something more…"

"Yeah well, I thought that at least one of us had to look good." He smiled and we hugged. This wasn't just my special day. This was mine and Hermione's special day.

"How is it going for her?"

"She's surprisingly calm. But it'll hit her soon enough. It's harder for me. I'm both the bride's man and the best man. How's that even going to happen?"

"You'll stay by my side. She has Ginny!"

"'Course brother. Let me fetch that blazer for you." And quick as the word Weasley I was dressed as a groom. Fitted for the part.

~WWW~

I walked down with my brother and my best man right beside me. My mother had put on a beautiful smile. She was about to crack in tears any moment but those were saved for the bride. The groom only received smiles. Well, that was something. I placed me right in front of Percy. He had the authorities to bind a man and a woman into marriage by magic so that wasn't a difficult decision.

"Dashing, brother."

"Let us hope." I had no idea what happened within the girls' room. Ginny had placed Hermione within locked doors the whole day. They wanted her to be a surprise. Neither one of us was superstitious with the bad luck of seeing each other before the ceremony but I wasn't allowed to see her before she was walking towards me. That made me more nervous than ever. I was about to dedicate my life to another human being but I wasn't allowed to see her. It made my nose itch.

The audience was a lot of friendly faces. We hadn't a groom or bride's side, mostly because we had so many mutual friends. I saw her mother; a bit nervous with all the magic flouting around but I smiled calmly towards her and she smiled back. One good thing about being a Weasley twin: people most often smiled towards you. It had been a year now since Hermione got home to our apartment; healthy. I had surprised her with a ring the day she declared she was St. Mungo's free. She had fainted, with George there grabbing her and me stepping around like a douche not knowing what to do. I secretly hoped we could adopt George as a pet. I received a harsh look from my brother which made it feel like he knew what I was thinking. Freaky.

The music began, the audience rose, people began to cry, well mostly my mother, and there she was. A light and ease. She was walking towards me with her father on her side. She was smiling the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my entire life. I didn't see her dress, hair or the makeup that she had worked on the whole day. I only saw her beautiful glowing eyes and her catching smile. I lost my thoughts when she came closer, and I took her from her father's arm. That was the part I hated most in marriages: why did a bride have to be let go from her father? Anyway, I kissed her on the cheek and she was warm and glowed beautifully. Percy asked the audience to take their places and the ceremony began. I don't really recall what happened after we stood there, holding hands. I must've said yes and kissed her but it was all a blur. I had never been this nervous in my life.

~WWW~

Later that evening mum had planned a party. There were a lot of dances and beautiful music. But the worst, or best, part was when the bride and the groom had to express their love to each other. I was extra nervous about this part; knowing my bride was a bookworm and couldn't write anything less than magnificent. I almost regret that I let her start.

"Frederick Weasley." she began with a little shaky voice. I held her hand. "These long amounts of years have been the most amazing journey ever told by a human or witch. We conquered time, war and stress. We conquered death, sickness and disputes. Since the moment I fell in love with you, in an empty corridor at Hogwarts, I knew I would one day marry you. I knew that nothing ever could break us apart. Not even death, and look how right I was at thirteen." The audience laughed a bit. "I longed for you Frederick Weasley. I longed for your touch, warmth and humor. I know that if it wasn't your smile, eyes or bushy hair that made me fall for you it was your humor. I will always love you, not until death takes me; but until forever." The audience rose, applauded and cried. I cried too. She dried my tears with her kisses and I knew it was time for me.

"Hermione Granger. You have always driven me crazy." Some people chuckled. "From the moment you first outsmarted my brother and I, till the day you agreed to marry me. I feel that when I'm with you, everything is alright. I know that it is right. To you, I would give the world. And I love you, like no one ever has loved anyone. And like never before. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, my love." And my bride bent over and kissed me with tears streaming down her cheeks. For the very first time I knew I had found my place in life.

~WWW~


	35. Heroes

Hello everyone. This is the end. The finale. It is with both sadness and joy I click the "complete"-button. I really hope you enjoy this and that you understand what everything is about. The song is from MIKA and it's called Heroes. This represent everything what Harry Potter is about and what LIFE is about. I love you all so much, thank you for your support through this long process of writing. I really hope you leave a review of the story and what I should think about the next time I write. I actually have to stories in my head I really want to write, and I hope I'll have the time soon to write them. Choose Author Alert to see my updates. I love you so much. Thank you from Sweden. xx Lovisa.

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As you walk to the toll of the bell  
You'll be fighting for our heaven with hell

And you don't understand  
Why no one else can see

And you know heroes aren't meant to survive  
So much harder to love when alive  
Walk with the devil in your head  
You would think you were better off dead

Where can you go?  
We fight we earn  
We never learn  
And through it all  
The hero falls

I wish there was a way  
To give you a hand to hold  
Cause you don't have to die in your glory  
To die to never grow old

~WWW~

I was fast asleep when I was awoken by someone jumping in my bed. I complained by moaning but the jumping continued and giggly laughter joined the thuds.

"Mommy! Mommy! Wake up!"

"I'm up sweetheart, where's daddy?"

"You are not up! I see you are still in bed. Dad is in his shop with Uncle George." I was always surprised when our sweet baby Rosalie knew how to put her words completely correctly at her young age. She continued "Come on! I'm hungry as a hippopotamus!" Well, almost always. I climbed up from the bed; it was difficult since I was expecting another baby soon.

"What are we going to do today?" she asked eagerly – not entirely understanding the concept of pregnancy. She was a fantastic mixture of Fred and I. She was undeniably skilled, especially with words, but she was eager and filled with adventurous eyes. I hadn't a hard time guessing which part she got from whom.

"What about joining dad and George today? You can help dad rearrange the shelves while I res- I mean help George to come up with a new idea." She nodded thoughtfully and she reminded so much about me at that age.

"We can't see Lily or Albus today?"

"The Potters are coming for dinner, honey. Don't worry about it!" She lit up and continued to eat her breakfast while singing a new song. I assumed she had the music-gene from Fred as well. Wonderful!

~WWW~

Since Fred and I had a baby we had moved to a house instead of the apartment above the shop. It wasn't far from the Diagon Alley which was nice. We could walk there in 5 minutes– it was nothing! We opened the door of the shop and laughter escaped from Rosalie's mouth. She loved the shop. She saw Fred, screamed and ran towards him who held his arms out to greet her. I smiled; it was a lovely picture. I greeted Fred and he kissed my cheek and ran his hand on my belly.

"You look fantastic."

"You too. Take care of my baby for a while? I'm kidnapping George to the back!" I said and winked. He knew I needed to sit down a lot. "Remember Harry and the others are coming tonight, so please remember to come home in time?" He promised and kissed my cheek again.

"'Mione!" George greeted me and took my hand to help me. I smiled back.

"Hey. I just wanted to invite you to our dinner tonight. I don't know if Fred had the manners to invite you yet?"

"He actually did! You should think higher of him you know."

"How did he say it?"

"He sprayed it on our mirror in the bathroom with our new toy foam."

"Is it weird I'm not surprised?"

"Not at all, milady." I giggled and sat down in the back.

"So how's it going? You seem a bit tired…"

"Yeah, it's a lot to do right now. We're launching new get-out-of-school stuff next week, just in time for the school to start."

"Right. Fred told me about it. It sounded awesome though."

"It is!" He said and smiled mischievously.

"I'm not testing any."

"I know…" and he stopped smiling. I laughed out loud – he was too easy to understand. We talked for a while and I was so happy I still had this bond to him even though my life had changed since Rosalie's birth.

"How old is she now? 3?"

"She's turning 4 next month…"

"Wow, she's growing fast. And you?"

"I'm due in 2 months…"

"A late birthday present then!" He rubbed my belly and I laughed.

~WWW~

It was a marvelous adventure being pregnant. I had stopped from work just some weeks ago; I really loved the work I did and I had hard time leaving it behind. But my belly grew really big quickly and I wasn't able to do the job I was supposed to. I mean – you have to sit down at some point in your pregnancy. I hadn't time for sitting down today, though; hence dropping Rosalie off at the store. I had to go shopping for food and presents till the latter dinner. Today was May Second. That meant it was 10 years ago _we_ defeated Voldermort. We always celebrated, and honored, this day publicly but as this year, it being an anniversary, we had chosen to be together as a family.

I had chosen to cook roast beef with Yorkshire pudding. It took the rest of the day cooking the meal, and dessert and I finally felt like a true Mrs. Weasley. I giggled in the silence and told myself that I wasn't a housewife – I was a worker and a mother. When Fred and Rosalie came home I was almost done. Fred helped her get dressed and she looked absolutely stunning.

"You know she has your beautiful eyes?"

"She is from both of us, honey. And all three of us are equally beautiful. Isn't that right Rose-pie?" Fred said seriously and swung Rosalie around. I loved him so dearly.

After a while guests were dropping in and our feast began. It was a wonderful dinner and meeting Harry, Ronald and Ginny again was absolutely delightful. We didn't get together as often as we wished to, due to our professions and such but we all had the life that we had dreamt of. Our kids seemed to love each other and since my first and Harry's last were the same age it meant that they were going to Hogwarts together. That was the best feeling in the world. Having relatives and family close at all time seemed to be the one thing I really wanted for my children and loved ones.

"So how far ahead are you Hermione?" Ronald asked me

"I'm due in 2 months actually… It's… It's just amazing. I'm so happy."

"I'm happy for you too darling. I love you so much!"

"I love you too Ronnie. You've been the best mate I ever could've had."

"Hey!" George said and grinned.

"Oh hush it you, all of you around this table is fantastic and it is because of you I am still sitting here today with my beautiful baby running around and another in my belly. I am so grateful. Forever grateful."

"That being said," said Fred "I think it is time to honor the fallen." Everybody silenced and raised their glasses. "To Lupin and Tonks. We will be forever grateful for their sacrifice and we will always keep an eye out for Teddy." Harry's eyes started gathering tears; this was so difficult for all of us. Fred continued "To Sirious, for always knowing when to show his loyalty." Harry cried. "To Albus Dumbledore. The finest headmaster Hogwarts will ever know." Some more began to cry, and the children listened carefully. "To Severus Snape. For his love, devotion and mind blowing games." Harry stood, thanked Fred and raised his glass above our others. "To Hedwig." He said and Ginny started to cry. Then I rose and all went silent again – it was unusual for me to bare this kind of sadness, yet speak upon it. "Percy. I want to honor you, still living, for helping the love of my life survive. It was only because of your family loyalty he is still alive and with us today. So thank you. And thank all of you, for helping us three," I rose my glass to Ronald and Harry "defeat the horror it spread around us. Thank you."

~WWW~

The true heroes do not wear capes or masks, true heroes are those who see the light in the darkest of times and wish upon their life to embrace all new possibilities. True heroes live around us, and embrace the world with words and kindness. Harry never used a death spell, and neither should the world during war times. I, Hermione Weasley, will always be the one I was born to be. A hero or not, I am still the woman I always been. Always.


End file.
